Things a Virgin Would Say
May 23, 2011 17 Comments
No it doesn’t hurt. Is it in already?
You need to wine and dine me before you can jump and grind me.
Anal sex? I thought you meant the annals of sex.
I just realized that I like women.
Hold on. Let me get drunk first.
High maintenance? I like to think of it as quality assurance.
My jaw is tired. How long is foreplay supposed to last?
Isn’t foreplay supposed to get me in the mood?
I’m a level four virgin. I’ve done everything but come. I’m hoping you can make me a level five.
Oh God? Isn’t that what nuns say when they masturbate?
I think I like doing it by myself better.
I thought oral sex meant talking dirty.
I’m picky to the point that I just can’t be picky anymore.
My body is like a temple. It needs lots of gifts before entrance
I braided it so it doesn’t get in the way.
Just ignore the cobwebs.
What kind of virgin would you like me to be?
That wasn’t a yawn; that was a silent moan.
I’m yours . . . forever and ever and ever and ever and ever. Wait, where are you going?
I’ve never been with a man, but I’ve kissed a lot of women.
I thought it was supposed to be ladies first.
I’m married to God, but I’m open to fooling around.
I’ve never touched a penis in my life, but I’ve kissed plenty.
I just want you know that I’ve watched a lot of porn.
Happy Monday Everybody,
Lafemmeroar
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About Lafemmeroar
Ha. Cute post.
ha! Sadly, sometimes I think these things, too…
lol … thanks for stopping by
When you put it in, don’t be shocked when it makes a “psst” wound liking opening a can of Soda.
I’ve been on plenty of blind dates, and a few deaf dates too. No paraplegic dates though, I have standards.
[Any Harry Potter quote]
It smells like the dumpster behind a red lobtser in here all of a sudden.
lol. your comments always give me a chuckle. the “psst” sound … is that what an uptight virgin sounds like?
and omg on the red lobster reference. I like their biscuits and I actually have the recipe for it (Hint: secret ingredient is Bisquick)
An uptight virgin sounds like this;
“You want to put WHAT, WHERE!?”
I have the Big Mac secret sauce recipe, the secret ingredient is sauce…. also, thousand island.
Side note: everytime I open a hot dog bun I feel like in some small way I’m taking a virginity.
Someone told me about the hot dog bun analogy and it went straight over my head. I just did’t get it. Splitting bread, popping a cherry … yeah I can see the similarity
Two virgins:
Her “You can take your little finger out of my bellybutton, that’s NOT my bellybutton!”
Him “That’s NOT my little finger!”
lmao … poor guy …maybe the belly button would be a snugger fit … thanks for stopping by …and come back and read me again sometime
Hilarious as ever,
Where do you get this stuff anyway? LOL
My noodle dictates what I click on my keyboard. Glad you enjoyed the list
And the number one thing virgins say just before … “do you love me?”
Oh, absolutely! Followed by the guy saying out loud “oh yeah baby” while he’s thinking … “I just wanna tap that fresh meat.” Love your comment.
Nice! LOL! I would never get brave enough to post something like this in my blog. Maybe that will be one of my fears I tackle.
The wonderful thing about a blog is that you can post anything you want. Tackle that fear and post away
After 10 years of celebacy with my husband before he left me, I started dating a guy. I think I said some of these things. I felt like I qualified as a “revirgin.”
Funny, funny, post!
Soooooo glad that you found your “happy ending.”