Sex and the Freudian Slip

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Because I’m single and dateless, that also means I’m “sexless,” but that doesn’t mean I don’t think about it. In fact I think more about sex when I’m not getting it. I think about sex multiple times a day–hell multiple times an hour and sometimes multiple times a minute when I have my quickie thoughts.

I can be teary-eyed while cutting up an onion, but my mind will be engrossed with thoughts about scorching the sheets with some hot fantasy male. In fact I’m thinking about sex now. I think about sex so much that I’ve suffered many embarrassing Freudian slips because of it.

While inside a donut shop I said “sex” instead of “six. I should have just said “half-dozen.”

******************

I was listening to an oldies radio station in the car with a date and that song by Bill Haley and the Comets came on. I crooned “Rock around the cock tonight.” I forgot the “L.” The guy thought I was horny and easy. He was right about the first part. 

******************

I saw a hunky cashier at the gas station and I just wanted to eat him up. I said number “69” instead of number 10. Now 69 doesn’t even come close to 10, which goes to show you that I wanted nookie more than gas.

******************

I was sending an email and instead of typing “thorny territory” I typed “horny territory.” The damn spell checker didn’t recognize my mistake and I sent it through. The receiver responded with “lol, you need to go out more often.” Damn M.I.L.K. was right!

Tell me about your Freudian slips.

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© 2011 Lafemmeroar


About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

53 Responses to Sex and the Freudian Slip

  1. Hahahahah, apparently getting OUT isn’t helping, getting laid might…

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Yeah, if I got laid, I’d stay in AAAAAALLLLLLLL day and night.

  2. HAHA!! 69 for 10… awesome.
    ps you should probably stay away from my blog today, it may push you over the edge.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I’m on my way! I live on the edge and getting pushed over might be fun! :)

  3. totsymae1011 says:

    Oh honey, take a trip to the toy store or something :-) I hate to see you suffering this way.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      lol, I’ve taken a few trips as I’ve broken a few “buzzers” from over use :)

      • totsymae1011 says:

        Oh, my! I feel for that lucky guy :-)

      • The Incog-Negro says:

        ‘Buzzers’? Hmmm, maybe you should get one of these: http://www.jimmyjane.com/shop/form6-p-85.html?zenid=8f0c9c0a14278d62ba9c3a6df7469988

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          oooh, it’s cute. I like the pink one and it’s waterproof. I’ve never done it by myself in the shower before. Hmmmmmm…. how do you know about this contraption … have you got one :P?

  4. theladyinredink says:

    Yeah, I think the “69” thing is my favorite. That’s why I always pay at the pump! :)

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I need to control my mouth as I can’t control my thoughts :)

  5. The Incog-Negro says:

    Recently had a conversation with a female coworker where we talked about a woman kissing a young boy on the cheek without his permission. Jokingly, I suggested that he should have said “hey lady, the only woman that can put her lips on me is my mom!” Well, all of the ladies in the room started laughing at the innuendo. Every attempt I made to ‘clean up’ my joke was worse than the original double entendre! Only a room full of white women can make a black man blush…

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      lol … trying to imagine you blushing. I love dirty jokes even when they’re not meant to be. You sound like a cutie :)

  6. You got me giggling, Girlfriend! You also got me thinking about sex. I’m feeling gooooood…

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Hey that’s good to hear!!!!!!! A chuckle a day is my blog goal.

  7. –OMG, this was a CLassic! Love love love it.
    my funny bone is even giggling :)
    Serious.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thank you very much. More chuckles coming up tomorrow :)

  8. L says:

    HA! Love these. Thanks dropping in and shedding you insight. I would MUCH rather be single and happy then in a relationship as well!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Yes, “Singledom” doesn’t have to mean “doom.”

  9. Thomas Gatsby Ink says:

    The imagery of “Rock around the cock” is legendary haha

    Once told a girl that I wanted to “eat her out”, which, of course, was supposed to be “take her out to eat”. WHOOPS!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      lmao! I can just imagine how a man must control his “tongue.” :)

  10. Pingback: Sex and the Freudian Slip (via Lafemmeroar) « The Incog-Negro

  11. Maxim says:

    Oh, yes. The age old freudian slip. I’ve almost forgotten about this since I’ve been in Japan so long, no chance for them. But even if I am speaking english, I’m just gonna straight up tell them I’m horny. Leave no chance for the slip!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      The direct method is best, but I’m too shy :(

  12. Brittany says:

    Oh..my..god. I cannot stop laughing. Your raw humor is AMAZING!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thank you very much. :) It is because of readers like you that I keep on keeping on …

  13. Posky says:

    I once had sex with someone instead of just driving them home. I’m not sure that counts as a freudian slip though. That just seems like we both got drunk.

    This was a really good post.

    I hope you get what you want soon.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I think what you did is just a literal “slip.” And thank you; I hope I get it soon as well :)

  14. I think even Freud would have to stand back and say, “Whoa. That’s a big one!” to the 69 slip.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      It was … I think Freud would have been proud of my slips …

      • I think Freud would have held you up as the prime example of one of these slips.

  15. ….and now you know what it’s like to be a man :)

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I think I was in a former life.

  16. Stuology says:

    A romp of a read, it thrusts hard a and deep into the chasm of single life. I’m a single fella too, so naturally I’m an enthusiast of Art films due to my long days and nights, of longing for a bit a action. Though when I’m not writing one liners on endless writing benders, If I do go out, I just sit in the corner now having a laugh at being surrounded by horny men! The few ladies that do take a fancy are normally bigger girls, though they are easy to pick up.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Well .. it thrusts hard and deep into the “pit” of the sexless life. Hope my dry spell won’t last long.

  17. beider says:

    Hmm, I tend not to do this even when I am horny. Even though as a guy it can be annoying to get a boner all the fucking time when I have gone without sex for a while. Particularly when I am in a public place, like say public swimming pool full of families with children.

    At least it is possible to hide in the water, easier than explaining to the kid that his mom is a MILF.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      OMG, I totally forgot that men have their own Freudian slips without ever having to open their mouths!!!!!!!!!!!! hehehe I guess that’s Mother Nature’s way of punishing your species. :)

  18. Doctor Shoko says:

    You know you’re horny when — Well, you kinda covered it all ‘-‘
    Great post :O

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thank you :)

  19. When reading form the bible I accidently said the “genitals” instead of Gentiles. My teacher was not impressed!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      OMG! Now that’s precious. Sometimes the mind just takes over our reality doesn’t it?

  20. deelyee says:

    You always have a way of putting a smile on my face :) i can relate to what you are feeling :)))))

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Aw thank you :) Readers like you are the reason I keep on keeping on with the blog …

  21. I have Freudian slips every day…..at work.
    That last slip of your killed me with laughter.

    Thanks.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      That’s why I’m triple checking all emails before hitting send.

  22. ur posts never fail to make me laugh like hell!
    though i never had such incidents but quite recently when i was talking to a lady over something related to hair-removing and instead of ‘wax’ i blurted out sex, GOD that was so embarrassing! she looked at me with such weird expressions, and whats more im just an innocent just-turned-20-year-old virgin :/

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Virgin did you say? Ah, no wonder wax I mean sex is always on your mind. You might be inexperienced technically speaking, but I bet you’re a master in theory :)

  23. kiwikar says:

    Hm… I left my Ex last year in September and I totally feel your pain. At least I know my dry spell will end soon. Hopefully. ^^

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      At least you know it will be soon. I can’t say the same for me …

  24. Ms. NOYB says:

    This reminds me of my predictive text problem I have. My phone likes to insert words like “Ghurka” and “Mitsuya” and other shit that is not related to my thoughts. My mind is usually on sex too, but I bet you know this by now:)

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I hate that phone function. It’s always trying to correct my abbreviations. You need to join my Crazy Freaks Club :)

  25. Dawn Dash says:

    I remember being a sixteen year old kid in biology class and saying ‘orgasm’ instead of ‘organism’. At that age, it really was just an innocent mistake. Now twelve years on… it wouldn’t be quite so innocent.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Now, it would truly be a sexy slip :)

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