The Break-up Letter from my Secret Lover
July 30, 2011 38 Comments
Sadly, I found this letter on my bed this morning:
It wouldn’t be fair for me say goodbye without telling you why. We’ve shared many clandestine days and nights that I’ll never forget. In times of trouble and loneliness I gave you sweetness and light. In times of boredom, I entertained you. I always gave you the happy ending you needed.
When the mood struck, you were insatiable and used me until I almost burned up from exhaustion. But there were times when you forgot about me and left me in the dark. You hide me, but you make me a laughing stock (yes I heard about your blog). You never considered that I deserve your respect considering I gave so much and received nothing in return.
I’ve heard from others how you used, abused and discarded them. I know for a fact that you easily threw away my predecessor for no reason. Many are broken and living in oblivion. I hope they find a way to recycle their usefulness and once more pleasure women that will actually appreciate them.
As for me I’ve had enough. So I am going to do to you what you’ll eventually to do me. The next time you look I won’t be there. And if you think you can replace me so easily think again.
I’m on to you. So, I’ve contacted certain third parties to make sure that you never get your hands on another.
I beg you … have mercy … Get a boyfriend already and get your jollies elsewhere.
Your former love servant,
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