Embarrassing Celebrity and Political News
October 14, 2011 35 Comments
Lafemmeroar here giving you the latest malfunctions of the universe for your entertainment:
The Battle of Two Chefs
Food Network star and reigning queen of butter Paula Deen recently received news that she is being sued by Anthony Bourdain, the infamous host of “No Reservations” on the Travel Channel. Bourdain alleges that Deen purposely sat on his right hand and broke it in five places during a press junket for the “Food is Good” documentary. “I heard it crack once her ass sat on it. How am I going to sign autographs now? What’s worse is that I use my right hand to flip people off.” Bourdain said to reporters. “This is what eating excessive amounts of butter will do to you and those around you,” Bourdain states.
Deen’s sons rallied around their mama with the oldest Jaime saying that “Mama ain’t got no fat ass and the only hand she’s ever sat on is her husband Michael’s finger when she’s feeling frisky. In fact, she recently lost so much weight that her britches fell down during the South Beach Wine and Food Festival.”
Those close to the Bourdain camp dismiss the You Tube video as propaganda, “You’ve heard of Photoshop altering pictures, well the same thing can be done with videos. That lady in the white pants wasn’t Paula.” Sources caught up with Paula on the set of her show “Paula’s Home Cooking.” “I’m terribly sad that Anthony is taking such drastic actions over an accident. I can’t help it if all those drugs he did in the past weakened his bones. I barely tapped his digits with my tush,” Paula states in her sweetest southern drawl.
Update: Paula and Anthony have recently settled their dispute. Paula is now cooking a barbecue in Anthony’s honor. She plans to make him lots of pork with a side of crack.
Source: The Hazards of Butter Press
Politics and the Schlong
Mitt Romney announced his withdrawal from the Republican presidential candidacy when a CNBC reporter accidentally received an email with a picture Romney’s alleged erect schlong. The email was meant for a Romney campaign volunteer. Romney representatives, upon seeing the photo, denied the
erection allegation stating that “Republican candidates don’t have small weenies. Romney has the schlong to properly ream the public once he’s elected.” Regardless of spin, it was reported that the unnamed CNBC reporter Tweeted and Facebooked the schlong and it is now all over the internet.
The reporter was last seen at a Chili’s having a cold one and wearing a T-Shirt saying “Barrack for another 4.” The scandal proved too much for Romney who is now back in the private sector and living in a condo because his wife, contrary to the denial of Romney reps, has stated that “yes the little dick is his. I should know I’ve been looking at it for over 40 years.”
Romney was not available for comment, but sources say that he is now on a mission to ban the send button on all tech devices as they are prone to tech fails and can ruin lives just like it ruined his political aspirations.
Source: To the Left Tech Fail News
Disclaimer: The above is for entertainment purposes only. It is based on the meanderings of a Crazy Chick’s noodle. Any similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Lafemmeroar is not to be held liable or responsible for any consequences, injuries, or fatalities that may occur in the “belief” that the above post is based on truth.
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© 2011 Lafemmeroar