Embarrassing Celebrity and Political News

Lafemmeroar here giving you the latest malfunctions of the universe for your entertainment:

The Battle of Two Chefs

Wikimedia Commons-- WNYC New York Public Radio. Cropped and edited by Daniel Case--cc-by-2.0

Food Network star and reigning queen of butter Paula Deen recently received news that she is being sued by Anthony Bourdain, the infamous host of “No Reservations” on the Travel Channel. Bourdain alleges that Deen purposely sat on his right hand and broke it in five places during a press junket for the “Food is Good” documentary. “I heard it crack once her ass sat on it. How am I going to sign autographs now? What’s worse is that I use my right hand to flip people off.” Bourdain said to reporters. “This is what eating excessive amounts of butter will do to you and those around you,” Bourdain states.

Deen’s sons rallied around their mama with the oldest Jaime saying that “Mama ain’t got no fat ass and the only hand she’s ever sat on is her husband Michael’s finger when she’s feeling frisky. In fact, she recently lost so much weight that her britches fell down during the South Beach Wine and Food Festival.”

Those close to the Bourdain camp dismiss the You Tube video as propaganda, “You’ve heard of Photoshop altering pictures, well the same thing can be done with videos. That lady in the white pants wasn’t Paula.” Sources caught up with Paula on the set of her show “Paula’s Home Cooking.” “I’m terribly sad that Anthony is taking such drastic actions over an accident. I can’t help it if all those drugs he did in the past weakened his bones. I barely tapped his digits with my tush,” Paula states in her sweetest southern drawl.

Update: Paula and Anthony have recently settled their dispute. Paula is now cooking a barbecue in Anthony’s honor. She plans to make him lots of pork with a side of crack.

Source: The Hazards of Butter Press

###

Politics and the Schlong

Wikimedia Commons-- Matthew Reichbach

Mitt Romney announced his withdrawal from the Republican presidential candidacy when a CNBC reporter accidentally received an email with a picture Romney’s alleged erect schlong. The email was meant for a Romney campaign volunteer. Romney representatives, upon seeing the photo, denied the erection allegation stating that “Republican candidates don’t have small weenies. Romney has the schlong to properly ream the public once he’s elected.” Regardless of spin, it was reported that the unnamed CNBC reporter Tweeted and Facebooked the schlong and it is now all over the internet.

The reporter was last seen at a Chili’s having a cold one and wearing a T-Shirt saying “Barrack for another 4.” The scandal proved too much for Romney who is now back in the private sector and living in a condo because his wife, contrary to the denial of Romney reps, has stated that “yes the little dick is his. I should know I’ve been looking at it for over 40 years.”

Romney was not available for comment, but sources say that he is now on a mission to ban the send button on all tech devices as they are prone to tech fails and can ruin lives just like it ruined his political aspirations. 

Source: To the Left Tech Fail News

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Disclaimer: The above is for entertainment purposes only.  It is based on the meanderings of a Crazy Chick’s noodle. Any similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Lafemmeroar is not to be held liable or responsible for any consequences, injuries, or fatalities that may occur in the “belief” that the above post is based on truth. 

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© 2011 Lafemmeroar

About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

35 Responses to Embarrassing Celebrity and Political News

  1. Have to say it’s always chuckle city when I visit your Blog. Breaking someone’s hand by sitting on it How is that possibe

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      When you’re the queen of butter it’s possible :)

  2. Very funny post! :)

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thanks Sharon. I had fun writing it :)

  3. jezibelle says:

    Paula Deen with her Bum and Romney with his Schlong… Sounds like a superhero team to me!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Oh that’s a good one: Butter Babe and the Mittschnitzel

  4. totsymae1011 says:

    Oh my gee. I was thinking this was all true. Would make watching politics more interesting, at least.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      That’s why I had to write the disclaimer. :)

  5. Tori Nelson says:

    Hahaha! Butter makes you fat? Well, that certainly explains a lot :(

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      That is why I’m using Earth Balance butter now. It’s almost like the real thing.

  6. What do you expect from a man that has 27 Mormon wives? It’s “hard” work, my goodness, after all. As for voting, I think I will have to write in Ralph Nader. Again.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      lol Carl. Don’t know a thing about Romney, but if his life is anything like the characters in “Big Love” then it would be a very interesting candidacy indeedy. :)

  7. That just the way I like to get my news—funny and ridiculous. Thanks for the chuckles!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      This was one of the easiest posts to write. I think I’ll have to do more. And you’re welcome :)

  8. What a weird world!

    Thanks for stopping by. :-)

  9. hollyjb says:

    You should do more, those were great, lol. I think if the news were actually like that a lot more people would watch.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I will do more :)

  10. Thanks for the giggles! You know just how to do it!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thanks I try :)

  11. Aurora says:

    Arrive laughing, leave laughing, now why can’t we have such great visits in our real world lives? LOL LOL

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Real world isn’t as funny as the digital world or as pleasant. You can’t click away an unpleasant person in real life. “Here” you can.

  12. duncanr says:

    Not true ?

    Damn !!! :sad:

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      If it were true, I wouldn’t need to have the disclaimer lol :)

  13. frigginloon says:

    His hand should have slipped right off her butter butt. I;m just saying.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      The butter butt was encased in the trousers :)

  14. –Anthony Bourdain is a bit of an asshole.

    Glad Paula’s fat ass sat on his stupid hand ::) HA HA

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I knew someone would say that. :)

  15. renxkyoko says:

    Ugh ! I happen to like Anthony Bourdain and his show. he’s lean and tall and knows how to cook. I find men in kitchen cooking, sexy. LOL paula Deen annoys me. Her baked products being sold at WalMart are so sweet I can’t swallow even a small piece. Her stuff are lethal.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I didn’t know she had baked goods in WalMart! I shop at Target …

      I like men in the kitchen too. Especially when they clean up after themselves :) I love your comments … you “sayz” it likes you “seesz” it. :)

      • renxkyoko says:

        Ahahah ! Mom loves WalMart ! And I go with her if I want to buy some freebies, like make-up and such… I put my stuff in her cart and she pays for them ! LOL

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          Oh … mom is so sweet you lucky girl :)

  16. Patti Kuche says:

    Paula Deen – I’m still recovering from that episode where she cooked the Thanksgiving turkey in the deep fat fryer because that’s just how her boys like it, she said, licking her lips . . . way too much information! Let alone the sight of her with her pants falling down. Great post as usual! Never thought I would feel sad for poor Mitt . . .

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Oh Patti deep fried turkey is soo for our bad side. Do you remember the turducken episode?

  17. Arghhhhhhhh. Makes me want to run to the exit – outta the way (thanks for the giggles)

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      You are very welcome :)

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