Itchy Private Parts
October 17, 2011 43 Comments
Lafemmeroar here with another bit of news from an alternate universe:
Itchy Private Parts.
Ashton Kutcher addressed the temporary insanity that overcame his noggin during his involvement with big mouth tartlet Sara Leal. “I had an itch that needed scratching and now I’m sorry to say that the itch continues because the antibiotics aren’t working. That woman is a walking bacteria that infected my marriage. I plan to seek treatment and will be checking into the “Tail Between My Legs Center for Wayward Schlongs,” says the remorseful “Two and a Half Men” star. The alleged cause of the itch Sara Leal was unavailable for comment but sources confirm that she was seen entering a free clinic on Hollywood Blvd while avidly scratching her twatty parts.
Ashton’s estranged wife Demi Moore is keeping things on the down low, but insiders say that she’s put Kabbalah on the back burner and has turned to Wiccanism. Moore recently met with some femini-wiccans to concoct a poetic justice spell on Sara. The femini-wiccans were more than glad to aid Demi in her plight for justice. Let’s just say that the “twat fatale’s” itching won’t stop anytime soon. In fact “Sara will be playing guitar hero with her private parts to the tune of Bon Jovi’s “You Give Love a Bad Name” for a very long time.
In a recent interview with “Star” the “twat fatale” couldn’t sit still. “She kept on squirming in her seat,” Juicy Gossiper of the “Star” states. Moore’s femini-wiccans aren’t stopping there. Another source confirms that Ms. Leal’s proclivity to “twat and tell” has femini-wiccans conjuring up another spell–this time to shut the pie hole that just won’t stop yapping for that millisecond of tabloid fame. Calls to Ms. Leal have gone unanswered. It’s rumored that her tongue is now the size of an eggplant, which his apt as now the “twat fatale” truly won’t be able to shut her mouth.
Source: Cougars Get Even Magazine
Disclaimer: The above is for entertainment purposes only and is based on the meanderings of a Crazy Chick’s noodle. (References to scratching of private parts or swollen body parts are pure fantasy, but wouldn’t it be great if it were true.) Any similarity to persons living or dead is purely satirical, but hey that’s why public figures make the big bucks so poor bloggers can make fun of them. Lafemmeroar is not to be held liable or responsible for any consequences, injuries, or fatalities that may occur in the “belief” that the above post is based on truth.
Vote for me. Best Humor Blog at Bloggers Choice Awards.
Join the Crazy Chicks Club.
Click here if you’re a Crazy Freak.
Visit my fan page on Facebook.
© 2011 Lafemmeroar