From Hell to Pleasure–A Poem
October 23, 2011 56 Comments
Twas all Hallows Eve and all through the house
I heard creepy noises could it be a mouse?
I checked all the rooms and down through the hall
Then I heard it tap tapping right through the wall
My heart filled with fright and I ran to the door
Ready to scream then I tripped on the floor
I lifted my head and out came a creature
It looked like a monster from some sci-fi feature
His head had two horns that twirled here and there
With fury he said you’re going nowhere
In fear I stood up and begged for my life
He laughed at my words and said you are my wife
I looked at my hand and lo’ there’s the band
Was I truly wed-locked here in crazy land?
A Sasquatch I married his body hirsute
His temper is fully that of a brute
How could I say yes to a creature so ghoulish?
Then I remembered when I was so foolish
In love and enthralled I fell under his spell
That’s when my life went from heaven to hell
He yelled fix my dinner I’m hungry tonight
I ran to the kitchen to get out of sight
So frightened and scared I started to chop
My tears trickled down for my life was a flop
His sinister voice screamed hurry you wench
And bring me some ale for my thirst needs to quench
I moved like a drone; his own private slave
Maybe I’m dead and entombed in this grave?
Then my noodle burst forth a flicker of life
I looked at my hand where I held the knife
I then gave my monster his ale and his schnitzel
Then I attacked the inglorious weasel
My feet shuffled fast then my knife whacked a horn
He wept and he pleaded; please spare me your scorn
In frenzied delight I whacked, whacked and whacked
When my eye saw his schlong I was taken a back
For I did not recall it being so long
A great big idea from my mind grew strong
I told him to sit his ass on the couch
From this day on you’ll stop being a grouch
Our fates will now change; from now on I lead
And I’ll use your schlong to service my need
First you will change from monster to hunk
Your temper no longer be that of a punk
In silence he sat; his eyes full of wonder
At who he treated with such shameless blunder
The doctor I called for a surgical request
For my husband I said at his own bequest
A cut here and there and electrolysis
Thus began his long due metamorphosis
Now I’m happy; I’m a chick in control
Of her “bound” husband the once monstrous troll
Now he’s transformed into an obedient toy
Through sheer cunning of this crazy chick’s ploy
In fear he works nightly to pleasure his wife
This is his sentence for the rest of his life
Disclaimer: The above is for entertainment purposes. Lafemmeroar is not married and the only monsters and trolls she knows are her exes. Wives or girlfriends reading this post should not get any funny ideas about whacking horns with a knife. Horns are hard and they are best whacked with a power tool. Any similarity to monsters and trolls living or dead is purely coincidental. Lafemmeroar is NOT to be held liable or responsible for any consequences, injuries, or fatalities that may occur in the enactment of the above post.
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© 2011 Lafemmeroar