How I Defy Reality

When my birthday cake has so many candles that it borders on being a fire hazard, I just think it’s the 4th of July.

I have a carnival mirror that makes me look 10 pounds thinner.

When I watch politicians arguing on T.V., I just pretend I’m watching a sitcom.

I believe that heartbreak is a workout for your heart … it takes the lickin’ but keeps on tickin’ even stronger than before.

I believe that bad people have a mental imbalance, which is why they should all be lobotomized.

By Father of JGKlein, used with permission (Father of JGKlein, used with permission) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

When I see reality stars profiting from their useless lives, I remind myself that they’re just over-paid carnival freaks.

When I hear that the “young rule the world” I think to myself that it’s the old and wise who have the ability to really screw with their minds.

When gravity is pulling down all my precious body parts, I hang upside down and everything is “back up where they belong.”

I believe that crazy is the new normal!

I believe that crazy people are happier than sane ones … who else can laugh at the malfunction of the universe?

I base my age on my mental stateI’ve been 12 years old for the last 36 years.

How do YOU defy reality?

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© 2011 Lafemmeroar

About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

27 Responses to How I Defy Reality

  1. 10000movies says:

    Well, since all that begun with (just the thought of?) a birthday cake, many happy returns to start with :).
    It comes to my mind a song from a Woody Allen film, called “The Front (1976)”. The film ends with this song (I think it is also played during the play) whose lyrics go like this:

    “…and if you, will arrive to 105,
    and your heart is still young
    you will find, how hard
    its to be narrow in mind,
    when your heart is still young…”

    So, hope you’re always feel like 12 years old :)

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I still do in many many many ways! :) I have not seen “The Front” going to Google it now! Thanks 10000 :)

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      okay just IMDBeed “The Front” seems like my kind of movie … I already like the premise “a cashier poses as a writer” … hey that’s kinda like me! I’m a crazy chick who thinks she’s a writer :) Or I’m trying to be a “true writer.”

      • trjensen says:

        You are a very good writer!

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          Thank you Terri! You’ve made my day :) I’ll remember your positive thoughts when sharing with my writing group tonight!!!!

  2. I invent my own. So that is a reality I suppose.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Definitely Carl! :)

  3. I was about to give you credit for pulling off this exercise in perception, but I don’t even think you’re trying hon’. :)

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      HUH? What do you mean?

      • You’re a freaking genius when it comes to turning things around. You seem to naturally spin things into (hilarious) positives, so in essence it doesn’t seem as though you are trying.

        Oh & I defy reality by cracking jokes about everything that comes my way. Although sometimes I keep my remarks to myself, so if you see me struggling to hold back a smile/hysterical laugh, its because I poked fun at something that just happened.

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          You are making me CRAZY Squammie!!!!! OOOOOdles of thanks :) I’ve got a post lined up about how to piss people off by being positive … now that’s a twist isn’t it? :)

  4. renxkyoko says:

    I like that heartbreak is a work-out for the heart…. and I want to have that carnival mirror !

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Oh puuurhlease Miss Size Zero!!!!!!!! :)

      • renxkyoko says:

        But I’m sick and tired of dieting ! I love cheesecake, chocolate cake, hershey’s M& Ms, Dunkin Donuts, ! Just 2 slices will make me fat, …. you know how hard it is to see that big cheesecake in the fridge, and not get a slice, everyday, one slice, and before I know it, I ‘m the one who’s finished it off. ( It happened and my weight shot up to 10 lbs over.)

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          I haven’t had dairy or eggs in months … you can always have those goodies in a vegan version and you know what? … It’s GOOD! I have one or two vegan chocolate cupcakes a day and still managed to lose weight. It’s all about digestion. BUT man … the way you type about cheesecake and the like … you got me salivating! lololol I think you look great in your European pics … :)

  5. nancyelauzon says:

    I write books about people who don’t really exist ;)

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I knew you were a crazy chick! You invent your reality and … it pays :)

  6. viv says:

    I hate listening to politician’s crap. Which is why I rarely watch news…they make me feel hopeless about the future!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      There’s hope … Viv :) In the meantime, we can enjoy watching the “sideshow entertainment.” :)

  7. The Hook says:

    I prefer your reality, young lady!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Me too … :) Oh and thanks for calling me a young lady!!!!!! Made my morning :)

  8. I tend not to believe the lies they like to tell us. ;-)

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      There should really be a lie detector around when they speak! :)

  9. lexiesnana says:

    Hello I am going to try hanging up side down.Too funny!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thanks Lexiesnana :) I wish that hanging upside down could truly defy “gravity.” Plastic surgeons would go out of business …

  10. ooglebloops says:

    Thanks for dropping by my blog!!! YOu are hysterical – I will be following!!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thanks Oogle. Glad to give you chuckles anytime :)

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