Schlong Sausage Recipe

I once got a Protest Letter from a Blog Reader saying that I had better stop blogging about schlongs and revenge because it ruined his relationship and caused him to be homeless. He said that my blog was detrimental to his well-being (or something like that). So I invited him to come stay with me as a prisoner guest. Then I promised readers that I would let them know what happened to him.

If you read the post, then you’d know that I also mentioned a Spicy Schlong Sausage Recipe in there somewhere. It’s been almost a year since that post, but I have not yet made the Spicy Schlong Sausage for the following reasons:

When he arrived at the address I gave him (an abandoned shack in the middle of nowhere), I saw the skinniest man alive. And when I took a look at his schlong … why I couldn’t even make a decent size sausage out of it–let alone an Italian one.

By Bert Jäger (scanned by NobbiP) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

So I decided to nurture and feed him much like the witch did in Hansel and Gretel.

I fattened him up by feeding him lots and lots of spicy fatty food. Boy was he happy to be eating three square meals a day!

Then I began to give him penis enlargement pills. He rejected them of course and said that his schlong was plenty big! (DID I TELL YOU THAT HE WAS ALSO DELUSIONAL?)

So, I decided to grind up the pills and mix it in with the slop food.

By Robert Cooper [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons – PD-US

He is now a fat slop, but his schlong is still barely bite-size. I’m thinking that by Christmas, his you know what will be spicy enough for me grind up and use as a condiment. Stay tuned …

Do you have any schlong recipes to share?

Disclaimer: The above post is the meanderings of a crazy noodle. Lafemmeroar would never grind up a schlong and use it for a condiment. She’s not a cannibal even if her noodle has cannibalistic tendencies. She loves many schlongs and would never think of grinding them up. Lafemmeroar is not to be held liable or responsible for any fatalities, injuries or any other negative “ies” that may occur as a result of the above post. 

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© 2011 Lafemmeroar

About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

43 Responses to Schlong Sausage Recipe

  1. ericmvogt says:

    Dear L, Santa’s not going to give you that special present for Christmas if you’re naughty, not nice. I know because I just spoke to him on the hotline. Yes, the infamous red phone that only I, Santa, Batman and the Commissioner have access to. ;) E

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Well I just spoke to Mrs. Claus and she said that Santa always does what she says if he wants some warm luvin’ during those chilly North Pole nights :) And she’s on MY SIDE!!! HAHAHAH HOHOHOHOHO HAHAHAHAHA BWAHAHAHAHA :)

  2. ericmvogt says:

    Dear Lucy, Santa just called me back on the Bat Phone. He says that Mrs. Claus has helped him to change his mind. And that she has a Bat. Ouch! :)

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Dear Mr. Wiki … that’s ’cause Mrs. Clause is a Crazy Chick! lmao … you make me laugh too much!!!!!!!

  3. You velly clazy lady.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      You be velly wight Carl :)

  4. viv says:

    I once dated this guy who was as petite as a 13 year old boy! He was 24 then so I kept wondering if he never really had a proper diet or his genes were naturally emaciated. I believe the world has enough genetically modified foods to enable men develop faster, something needs to be done about petite men!..I cant stand them.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      LOL Viv! and lol on referencing GMO foods, but that stuff is so wacky that they might grow big and small in all the wrong places …. :)

    • Lol! Ouchh….Viv that’s a bit harsh. :-)
      Boys should stay away from Soya products until they pass puberty.
      Fatty foods, narcotics, alcohol, the chemicals in plastics, dodgy (oestrogen filled) water supplies all make for poor Schlong Sausage Recipes.
      Genetics obviously plays a major part..you are given what your given…

      There’s always Kegel exercisers and Ben Wa Balls to help women compensate for the smaller sausage. ;-)

      • Lafemmeroar says:

        Soy makes schlongs small? Ooh good to know … :) Thank gosh it hasn’t affected my “girly parts.”

        Yeah Kegel and Ben Wa might be good, but …

        • Yep, apparently Soy is not good for developing boys/men.
          Great for women though…Excellent cows milk replacement, great for stamina and helps women transition more smoothly through the menopause.
          123 Clench those PC muscles…lol! ;-)

          • Lafemmeroar says:

            I love tofu!!!!! Too much I think :) But I drink almond milk … it’s da BEST!!! :)

            • :-) I’ve heard Almond Milk is nice…you sound like a nice health concious young lady. ;-)

              • Lafemmeroar says:

                I didn’t use to be … but I’ve given up dairy, eggs, fast food, white sugar, anything deep fried, anything processed and heavy meats, but I still eat some chicken and fish on occasion.

                • Same here but I stopped eating chicken a couple of months ago, fish only now…Need to stay firm and vibrant for as long as possible…you definitely will with your new eating habits. ;-)
                  Your making me hungry now…lol!

                  • Lafemmeroar says:

                    Gonna make you hungrier …

                    Having mashed yams topped with sauteed tofu, onions and mushrooms … it you’re into that kind of stuff.

  5. Tori Nelson says:

    You really are crazy. I like it :)

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      And I ain’t a changin’ Tori! :)

  6. Crosses his legs and tries to blend into the background…..

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Joe! I can see you doing that while sitting before a plate of ribs and taters. :)

      • might be hard to eat while i’m protecting myself

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          I knew you’d include food somewhere in your comment! Hey readers … go visit Eat With Fat Joe … if you’re into comfort food … lots of posts there that will make your mouth water!

  7. My Schlong recipe would involve getting the diving gear makers, to make bigger suits…
    Then again, I’ve always loved going skinny dipping…that’s why I chose my lakes very carefully.
    Lol!… ;-)

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Oh Phil … I’ll have to write to the diving gear makers then and tell them to “extend” the groin area of one of their suits JUST FOR YOU :) Sometimes you comments just make want to go hmm…… and think of a full body shot of you … fully clothed of course :)

      • Lol!
        You are such a joker…hahahaaaa
        As always, thanks for the giggle. ;-)

  8. The..”you had better stop…” part would make me want to kick his schlong up to his nostrils. It’s your blog and you’ll schlong if you want to.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Schlong to nostrils … lmao lmao lmao! Oh you do come up with some good ones Selena and you know … if the schlong is small enough it just might pass through! :)

      • Probably is a wee one, which is why he felt the need to tell you to BETTER STOP. One more email like that, and his little nuts will be taking up space in his cheeks and he’ll look like a dickless chipmunk.

        P.S. I’m really not a violent person :)

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          Oh Selena! I bet you’d make some really interesting Schlong recipes … waaaaaaay “wackier” than mine! :)

  9. OMG. This made me laugh so hard, I can only imagine a huge man who looks a lot like Calvin Coolidge with a pizza bagel sized peeny. How unsatisfactory ;)

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Yup! Glad I gave you a chuckle Vicious :) Your comment has lots of images in there for me to ponder … Calvin Coolidge and pizza bagel … I would never have thought to use in the same sentence … leave it up to your crazy noodle to come up with something like that!

  10. 10000movies says:

    You are one hello of a crazy chick :))))) Keep posting!

    • 10000movies says:

      … meant “hell of a crazy chick” :)

      • Lafemmeroar says:

        I know :)

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I just posted one about a Hybrid Cougar … a repost for new readers like you :)

  11. nancyelauzon says:

    LOL – you see, this is why I love the Crazy Chicks Club, LOL! Now, I’m going to keep it real. Yes, I do have a very small bit of schlong envy … when it comes to the peeing part. I think it would be VERY HELPFUL to be able to just whip it out and pee wherever I want to. Okay? There, I said it.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Amen! You and many crazy chicks have that same desire. I’d also like to pee standing up in public toilets … face it the “Ladies Room” in some places looks like a bunch of “Heathens” had a toilet party and forgot to clean up. :)

  12. Oh, you crazy chick. You always manage to put a crazy smile on my face. :)

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I aim to try on a daily, semi-daily or random basis! :) Glad you enjoyed …

  13. Miss Nae says:

    HAHAHAAAAAA! Hilarious! Sometimes, I have crazy “meanderings” too. I am careful not to commit them to the page as I like my freedom lol. And I’m not as awesome at disclaimers as you are – mainly because I mean it! LOL!!!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Disclaimer for Miss Nae: The above post is the truth and nothing but the truth! Miss Nae definitely did and will do all of those “gosh awful” things to you in the event you piss her off because she is a Crazy Chick that is a terrible force to be reckoned with. Despite the fact that she means and does what she says Miss Nae is not to be held liable or responsible for any injuries, fatalities, embarrassments, or “deaths” that may occur in the execution of any of the above. She is a Crazy Chick, but she is a smart crazy chick and any evidence you think you can get has already been wiped clean, burned, and or/thrown into Never Never Land. Any attempts to put her in the “pokey” for what she has done will be deemed null and void by the Crazy Chicks club and if you go against that crew … well let’s just say that you’ve been warned … because Crazy Chicks stick together!

      • Miss Nae says:

        Oh! I absolutely LOVE the disclaimer! LOL! I must consult you next time I am devising some devious plan to off some poor fellow who did me wrong! Thanks a BUNCH! : D #crazychicksunited

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          Please do consult me Miss Nae! lololololololol :) I had fun doing that disclaimer for you :)

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