How to Diet on Thanksgiving

Argue with that relative you hate!

The anger and stress will have you reaching for the booze instead of the food.

Imagine that big bowl of buttery mashed potatoes

is a big plate of LARD!

If you don’t, then you’ll end up singing the “Lard-Ass of Seville” instead of “Jingle Bells” come Christmas.

By Caros Ostos Sabugal (Circus Divas Illustrations Gallery) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

If you like turkey butt (I know I did), remember what came out of it before the stuffing was pushed in it!

That pumpkin pie will turn your figure into the shape of an orange. You’ll have to do lots of “juicing” getting yourself back into shape. 

Wikimedia Commons – David.Monniaux (talk | contribs)

We eat with our eyes, our nose and our mouth … so put on a blindfold, plug your schnauzer and tape your pie hole … See no food + Smell no food = Eat no food. Note: You might also want to plug up your ears  … nothing worse than hearing: yum, good, scrumptious and delish when your dieting.

Good Luck Everybody :) I for one am rehearsing for the lead in “Lard-Ass of Seville.”:)

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© 2011 Lafemmeroar

About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

21 Responses to How to Diet on Thanksgiving

  1. yeah….right…

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I tried Joe :)

  2. The Hook says:

    Great tips! Thanks!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      You’re welcome and happy eating boozing :)

  3. Awesome, crazy tricks to keep you from stuffing your face, chica! Our whole family is doing a light, veggie fueled Thanksgiving this year. So excited!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Oh that is totally awesome. I used to love the crispy fattiness of the turkey butt, but since I’ve changed eating habits … I’ll have the tits breast instead …

  4. renxkyoko says:

    =_=’

  5. Great tips! Also, remember that turkeys are people, too–and cannibalism is just plain wrong! ;)

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      lol Lorna! You’re waaay ahead of me Turkeynalism will be in my next post! :)

  6. ericmvogt says:

    Can’t do number one… They’re all dead. Did I say that? Naughty me…

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Santa’s gonna put you in his naughty list and you won’t get that “Real Doll you’ve been wishing for all year :)

      • ericmvogt says:

        Oh, Noodles, you’re the only doll for me! ;)

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          I ain’t no “Real Doll” but I’m A REAL CRAZY CHICK! :)

  7. I have found that a bout of hard drinking while reading dieting books is a good way of improving your dieting strategy while taking away some of the fear produced by a life without roast meat

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      lol counting! There can be fear in not eating dead animals … :)

  8. 10000movies says:

    So, the solution is sensory deprivation? :) A quite radical approach! :))))

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      What can I say … I’m a radical crazy chick :)

  9. I am going for it. Then I will workout. I notoriously lose weight over the holidays because I become a health nut. (kind of a health nut…I am a pig, then I work out.) (I’m sure there is a disorder name for this…but I don’t give a f***.)

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      It’s called binge and sweat! :) You crazy chick! Happy Thanksgiving :)

  10. Hi hope it was good for you honey and you enjoyed yourself without employing too many of your listed tips.
    Did you take it easy on your liver? ;-)

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I did enjoy myself Phil … although my inner organs are protesting today :)

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