Dating Tips for Men

A repost for my new readers and subscribers. Thank you all and I hope you keep coming back for more :)

In the past I’ve given many chicks tips on how to laugh at the chaos, but now is the time to write a post dedicated to all the men out there.

Here are some tips on how to get out of sticky situations when it comes to the opposite sex. 

Next time a chick you’ve had sex with comes up to you and you just can’t remember her name tell her that you suffer from “Namenesia” the inability to remember names. Tell them that constant physical intimacy is part of the cure and you’re looking for a volunteer.

When you’re out on a date and want to weasel out of the check, just tell your date that you have “Nomullah” disease, which is the condition of never having any money. A chick with a heart of gold would be more than happy to throw down some dough for your steak dinner.

If your girlfriend gives you an ultimatum about commitment, tell her that you have RPS” (Relationship Palpitation Syndrome), a condition that gives you heart pains when you hear the words: commitment, relationship, monogamy, marriage, exclusivity and etc. The only cure for this ailment is patience and understanding on her part and lots of sex with other women and“threesomes.”

If she keeps on insisting that it’s time for you to meet her parents, tell her that you suffer from Parentaleptic” disease. You burst into an epileptic fit when you see moms and pops. Tell her that your treatment process requires a distance of at least five miles from her folks.

If you want an excuse for having a small schlong tell her that you have a genetic anomaly called “Schlongarater” disease. Your schlong grows in equivalent to the hotness level of a chick. So when she sees your 3″ schlong, it’s not you it’s her.

P.S. If any of the above tips work on a chick, then hang on to her because she’s a rarity.  

Note: Crazy Chicks are immune to the above tips as they’re too smart, savvy and sophisticated. Do not make the mistake of using these tips on a Crazy Chick as you just might end up becoming a human burrito.

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© 2011 Lafemmeroar

About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

16 Responses to Dating Tips for Men

  1. Sadly, or luckily, depending on your point of view, these tips are too late to save me from a fate of helping with washing the dishes. For those in a less commited phase in their lives, these new terms could prove invaluable, unless they read them over breakfast when they might laugh a mouthful of cereal over the table like me !

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      lmao on “fate of helping with washing the dishes” … still chuckling with that imagery. Tell me do you also wear an apron? If so, how SWEET! And I’m glad to have made you laugh this morning sorry about the spilled cereal … that would have been a “Kodak moment”! :)

  2. “I am in the reserves and will be sent to the war tomorrow morning so….”

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Good one Carl … :)

  3. ericmvogt says:

    Noodles, you Crazy Chick, you have me doing some introspection with this piece. I can say, definitely, that I only date Crazy Chicks. My scenario: If you go up to a girl you’ve been intimate with and you don’t know her name, it’s because she hasn’t used her diamond tipped drill yet to instill it in your memory, but, from personal experience, she Will now, and you’ll never forget it again… When you’re out on a date and you think the girl should get the check, get it or you won’t be getting it. Get it?… If your girlfriend wants a closer committment, she just isn’t Crazy enough. Either get out of there quick and find a Crazy Chick, or prepare yourself to get committed—-in a straightjacket… If she tells you it’s time to meet her parents, ask for two forms of I.D. and get the heck out of Dodge. She’s probably underage and the police have you on America’s Most Wanted… As for the last one, definitely going to check the Not Applicable box. ;)

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Eric! what an epic comment :) Wonder if you can turn it into a poem? :) You are too funny … no wonder I like you! Now go write a haiku dedicated to me :)

      • ericmvogt says:

        As you wish, Princess Buttercup… :-D

        It’s posted. :)

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          :)

  4. 10000movies says:

    Naive me! And when I saw the title I had my hopes raised :(
    Well, I should have known better: you’re a CC!!! :))

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      aww 10k … sorry to disappoint :) But you’re already ahead … you know I’m a CC … my titles might say one thing, but reading my post is like playing Russian roulette :)

  5. Tony McGurk says:

    Ha Ha the Schlongarater is a great one!!!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Tony, I’m so glad a dude can read these posts and see the humor without clutching their balls. Thank you :)

  6. depra parker says:

    I wonder why other professionals don’t notice your website much m glad I found this.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      It depends on what kind of “professionals” you’re talking about :) Thanks for stopping by :)

  7. Thanks for this really great Tips, hopefully i gonna get rid of Namenesia and remember Names in future :).

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Oh you should! :) Then you’ll definitely get lots more love from crazy chicks who will truly be worth all your sweetness and light! :)

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