Online Dating Misadventures Part 3.2
November 27, 2012 20 Comments
An old post for my new readers … enjoy!
My quest to find love online continues. Each dating website I explored echoed the human condition–we’re all a big mess and we’re all looking for love to give us a sense of peace and order in a malfunctioning universe. Here’s my adventure with Love Access:
Love Access is free, but you can’t make initial contact until you upgrade. But upgraded members can send you instant messages. So, I explored the site looking for the incentive to drop some dough in my search for “true love.”
I found an interesting video chat room named the “Zoo” with a warning statement: “Please Don’t Feed the Animals.” Profanity in the Zoo is as prevalent as weeds on a neglected lawn and the conversation delves into the banter of people on meds or those who need meds. I clicked on a few chatters with video cams. Some were rather mundane (woman playing guitar, guy scratching his balls, drunk woman trying to act sexy), but some images I saw would haunt my mind for weeks.
I grew bored and decided to chime in on the chat. I began by
commenting correcting spelling errors. I told a member named “tuttyl” that “%unt” was spelled with a “c” and not a “k.” Then he told me to “%ick off spilcheckir.” I corrected him again then “Barbie 90210″ said that I should “mined my business.” I gave up on the rudimentary spelling lessons and asked another “zooer” named “yummyman” his location and he said “from between your legs.” Well at least “yummyman” can spell. I tried once more to strike a coherent conversation and asked the chatters if they’ve seen any good movies. They responded with these titles: “The Human Centipede,” “Deep Throat IV,” and “Pirates.” I don’t think they meant “Pirates of the Caribbean.”
Then a “detectman” invited me to a private chat. I accepted. Expecting the worst, I was surprised when he began the chat with “I’ve been hurt many times by women.” I told him to go on (big mistake) and he did. Well dear readers, he went on to say what a nice guy he is and about how much he “loves to please women.” The chat quickly went from rated G to almost X until I cut him off and replied that I’m not into “Chatterotica.” Then he told me to have a nice life before I jump off a cliff. I thought that nice turn of phrase was funny, but before I could type “lol” he was gone.I left the Zoo and checked on members (12 so far) who viewed my profile. I was doing very well considering I only uploaded a picture of Betty-Boop (I wouldn’t reveal myself by uploading my avatar!). One member had this intro line: “I don’t care where you are in the world, but if your profile says you’re from Utah, but you’re actually from Uganda, then you’ve already lied 2 me.“
Had I lied about myself by uploading Betty-Boop? So I deleted Betty and left my picture empty–just like my love life. I decided that it would be a good idea to keep my account active as I plan revisit the Zoo. Next time I’ll bring a treat and a whip for the animals.
Stay tuned for Part 3.3 and click here for previous posts.
Dateless but not hopeless,
© 2011 Lafemmeroar