Ever had a conversation and the chat just digressed to sex? Well … I was talking to a friend about getting hydrotherapy after the holidays. Here’s how it went:
Me: I think I’m going to do hydrotherapy after the holidays.
Him: What’s that?
Me: When you get water shot up your bum!
Me: You have lots of toxic stuff in your gut!
Him: Well I’m not getting anything going up my butt!
Me: You should … you’re probably full of shit as we speak.
Him: No I’m not.
Me: Sure you are. What did you have for dinner last night?
Him: A roast.
Me: With what?
Him: Loaded mashed potatoes and a roll.
Me: Any veggies?
Him: What’s that?
Me: How often do you GO?
Him: Go where?
Me: Bathroom stupid!
Him: It’s down the hallway.
Me: I meant how often do you make BM?
Him: You mean BDSM don’t you?
Me: Listen how much fiber do you have a day?
Him: What’s fiber?
Me: Yup! You’re full of shit all right!
Him: Have you ever been tunneled?
Me: What’s that?
Him: (Silence …)
Me: Hmm… you mean anal?
Me: A guy proposed the idea to me once.
Me: I told him that I’ll do it if he let’s me jackhammer his bum first. He never brought up the idea again.
Him: What you need is a “cunnalingus-tonic” (yup I spelled it right in my crazy chick mind!)
Me: Is that a tongue colonic?
Him: Tongue involved in that area, but no colonic.
Me: Hmm…. if I had a willing party to do that to me I won’t have to pay the $150 for the hydrotherapy!
Him: Bleech. There you go again with the yuck talk.
Me: I think it’s more yucky to have a tongue up a dirty bum don’t you?
Him: I certainly don’t want anybody’s tongue up my bum.
Me: And they wouldn’t want it up your bum if you’re full of poop, which is why you should get a colonic.
Him: I’d never do it to anybody either.
Me: You couldn’t anyway … it’s not “LONG” enough.
Him: Oh it’s plenty long.
Me: Stick out your tongue.
Him: My tongue? I thought you meant my — you know.
Me: Oh I’m sure THAT WON’T BE LONG ENOUGH EITHER.
And so it went on this way dear readers … notice how I didn’t use the word “SCHLONG” once in this post (well actually I just did, but you know what I mean). You know dear readers, rumor had it that when John Wayne died, there was more than 100 pounds of fecal matter lodged in his gut. This is why hydrotherapy is so important and I am sure that I will get it done especially with all the food and drink I’ll be ingesting this holiday season.
So to all of you Happy Holidays and may you be “Well Cleansed” in the New Year!
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