Movie Remakes that Stunned Me–Warning:This post is not for the faint hearted …
June 29, 2013 18 Comments
Hollywood loves to do remakes. But should you really mess with a good thing? Well … you know Hollywood … anything for a buck. So I wasn’t surprised when I was cruising my favorite low-down-n-dirty second hand bookstore and found these DVD titles gathering dust. So guess what I did? I bought them all!
His Rear Wide Open based on Eyes Wide Shut and Rear Window
Synopsis: The fragile marriage of a couple is put to the test when they attend an anal gang bang at a country mansion. The dude realized that he liked to be on the receiving end while on all fours much to the dismay of his wife. The marriage ended when his tush got more attention than hers. I was really disappointed with this low-budget flick. The country mansion was actually a barn decorated to look like a house, but the production crew forgot to sweep the hay. And the guy’s tush was nothing to write home about since it was flabby and flat like a cake that forgot to rise. Rating: D for disappointing tush and bad acting.
Dr. Strange’s Glory Hole based on “Dr. Strangelove” and “Glory”
Synopsis: A crazy Civil War general goes on a schlong frenzy when he realizes his latent schlong love at the sight of his men bathing in a nearby stream. So he uses a glory hole to compare the schlong’s of his soldiers to see who will go into battle first.
The plot is thin and the fighting is comical, but there were some “girthy” sausages flapping about. Rating: C for the badly constructed glory hole and for casting uncircumcised schlongs.
The Belles of Flatulence based on “Gone with the Wind”
Synopsis: Two women compete in a farting contest to win the heart of hunky schlong Dashley Kinks. Scarlett O’nalingus wins the battle, but Melanie Humplinton still wins the heart of the dashing playboy, which goes to show you that Scarlett’s effort didn’t mount up to a hill of beans until she meets the Wizard of Ass, Rhett Buttilicious, who shows her the dark ways of love from an “anal” perspective. He teaches her to whistle southern love song from her p0op chute.
I was disappointed by the casting of a wimpy dude with big ears in the Rhett Buttilicious character, but his utterance of “Scarlett I don’t give a crap” was nicely delivered when Scarlett tried to entice him back into her arms with promises of anal play. But after getting a whiff of her serenade to Dashley, Rhett decided that trekking into the poop chute of another southern belle was a lot better than smelling the beef chili Scarlett had for lunch. Rating: GF for good and funny! I was laughing at Scarlett’s butt hummings all the way … I’m just glad I didn’t have “smella-vision.”
What Happened to my Butt Hole? based on “The Hangover”
Synopsis: Three guys wake up after a weekend in Vegas to find that their rear ends have been loosened up by a brood of just released ex-cons itching for a “Boyride.” You can take the man out of the prison, but you just can’t take “prison love” out of a man. Been there … done that! I meant I’ve seen the original (get your minds out of the gutter I’m a “good girl” crazy chick) and the remake was just a waste of time. Loose buttholes are so “yesteryear.” The plot was full of “holes” and the acting was terrible. Even the “boyride” scene was lackluster and unenthusiastic. Rating: B for boring. If I wanted lackluster and unenthusiastic I can just think of a couple of blind date conversations I’ve had throughout the years. No thank you.
Tell me, what’s your favorite movie remake?
Disclaimer: Lafemmeroar apologizes if the above post offends anybody, but she’s not here to win any “poopularity” contests. But if you got a couple chuckles you are more than welcome to click like and leave a comment.
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