Movie Remakes that Stunned Me–Warning:This post is not for the faint hearted …

Hollywood Sign

Hollywood loves to do remakes. But should you really mess with a good thing? Well … you know Hollywood … anything for a buck. So I wasn’t surprised when I was cruising  my favorite low-down-n-dirty second hand bookstore and found these DVD titles gathering dust. So guess what I did? I bought them all!

His Rear Wide Open based on Eyes Wide Shut and Rear Window

Synopsis: The fragile marriage of a couple is put to the test when they attend an anal gang bang at a country mansion. The dude realized that he liked to be on the receiving end while on all fours much to the dismay of his wife. The marriage ended when his tush got more attention than hers. I was really disappointed with this low-budget flick. The country mansion was actually a barn decorated to look like a house, but the production crew forgot to sweep the hay. And the guy’s tush was nothing to write home about since it was flabby and flat like a cake that forgot to rise. Rating: D for disappointing tush and bad acting.

Dr. Strange’s Glory Hole based on “Dr. Strangelove” and “Glory”

Synopsis: A crazy Civil War general goes on a schlong frenzy when he realizes his latent schlong love at the sight of his men bathing in a nearby stream. So he uses a glory hole to compare the schlong’s of his soldiers to see who will go into battle first.

The plot is thin and the fighting is comical, but there were some “girthy” sausages  flapping about. Rating: C for the badly constructed glory hole and for casting uncircumcised schlongs.

The Belles of Flatulence based on “Gone with the Wind”

Synopsis: Two women compete in a farting contest to win the heart of hunky schlong Dashley Kinks. Scarlett O’nalingus wins the battle, but Melanie Humplinton still wins the heart of the dashing playboy, which goes to show you that Scarlett’s effort didn’t mount up to a hill of beans until she meets the Wizard of Ass, Rhett Buttilicious, who shows her the dark ways of love from an “anal” perspective.  He teaches her to whistle southern love song from her p0op chute.

I was disappointed by the casting of a wimpy dude with big ears in the Rhett Buttilicious character, but his utterance of “Scarlett I don’t give a crap” was nicely delivered when Scarlett tried to entice him back into her arms with promises of anal play. But after getting a whiff of her serenade to Dashley, Rhett decided that trekking into the poop chute of another southern belle was a lot better than smelling the beef chili Scarlett had for lunch. Rating: GF for good and funny! I was laughing at Scarlett’s butt hummings all the way … I’m just glad I didn’t have “smella-vision.”

What Happened to my Butt Hole? based on “The Hangover”

Synopsis: Three guys wake up after a weekend in Vegas to find that their rear ends have been loosened up by a brood of just released ex-cons itching for a “Boyride.” You can take the man out of the prison, but you just can’t take “prison love” out of a man. Been there … done that! I meant I’ve seen the original (get your minds out of the gutter I’m a “good girl” crazy chick) and the remake was just a waste of time. Loose buttholes are so “yesteryear.” The plot was full of “holes” and the acting was terrible. Even the “boyride” scene was lackluster and unenthusiastic. Rating: B for boring. If I wanted lackluster and unenthusiastic I can just think of a couple of blind date conversations I’ve had throughout the years. No thank you.

Tell me, what’s your favorite movie remake?

Disclaimer: Lafemmeroar apologizes if the above post offends anybody, but she’s not here to win any “poopularity” contests. But if you got a couple chuckles you are more than welcome to click like and leave a comment. :)

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© 2011 Lafemmeroar

About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

18 Responses to Movie Remakes that Stunned Me–Warning:This post is not for the faint hearted …

  1. So sad to do bad remakes and here you had to watch them all just to warn us off.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      See the sacrifice I do for my beloved readers????? :)

  2. LOL! Brilliant!

    I am still traumatized by the way Hollywood bastardized Bewitched. How dare they???? It was horrible.

    Okay, now that I’ve ranted about the worst remake, I will add two of my own:

    The Wizard of Multiple Oh-zzzzzzzzzzz – Fast talking dude that knows how to flap his tongue and not only to give out ambiguous advice…..he’s so good…the multiples have the chick scream…..Ohhhhhhhhhh and then she falls asleep….nighty night zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    Twit-light – Young virgin who is really a twit, captures the attention of a werewolf, turned Vampire turned Zombie. She stalks him and purposely gets bitten by another Vampire so she could be her fantasy man’s Twit for Life woman, but the joke’s on her, because the Werewolf-vampire-zombie hybrid is really a Hollywood actor who is researching to play in a movie, so she ends up staked by the rabid Hollywood actor’s fans and dies a virgin. Very sad.

    (I know, lame, but it’s all I got at the spur of the moment).

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      OMG precious … The Oh-zzzz is superb and “Twit-light” Twit-for-life woman! That should have been the title of that mock-movie they did a few years ago. OMg lmao big time! You need to post your comment :) It’s one of the best!

      • Thanks, CC, I’m glad it made sense to you. LOL Where would you like me to post my comment? I thought it was posted on your blog? I’m in ditz-ville this afternoon after writing for 3 straight hours. LOL

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          I meant you should use it as a blog post … it’s brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

          • Awww, you’re so sweet and encouraging. Okay, I think I may do that. I’ll have to add a few more movies as well. Thanks for the great idea. You rock, Crazy Sister Chick.

            • Lafemmeroar says:

              :)

  3. Only you could come up with this. I tried not to spill my coffee while reading it

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      LOL … thanks to my twisted noodle :)

  4. You make a hard act to follow. How about Top Butt (Top Gun)?

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I had fun with these :) Thanks Lorna.

  5. 10000movies says:

    Well, CC, I see you’re getting jealous and trying to render 10000movies obsolete! Awful CC!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      10K I could never do what you do! Where do you find those movies you review? I just got lucky with this batch :)

  6. Hilarious!
    (and Hollywood, we know can’t wait to make remakes of these remakes.)

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Imagine what I’ll have say about those re-remakes :) I’m always looking for good material … :)

  7. Everytime I see something that is so insanely absurd along comes something like this even more crazy.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thank you so much Carl! :) I think you just gave me the “Crazy Chick Award”! :) Luv ya!

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