November 21, 2013 17 Comments
August 8, 2013 17 Comments
My raging appetite is like a randy man-whore constantly out on the prowl for his next piece of bootie.
Excess is never good, which is why I’ve tried to tame my lust for food with simple self-control. If I want cheesecake, I eat a slice instead of two. If I want ice cream, I have a scoop instead of three. If I’m craving pasta, I have one serving instead of several. My onsies food strategy worked and I looked svelte without the SPANX. Read more of this post
November 25, 2012 35 Comments
Thanksgiving took a toll on my body. I ate and drank as if it were the last day on earth.When I woke up Friday I found a note on my pillow.
Dear Lafemme,After months of eating healthy you finally cleansed your body of the toxins you’ve been polluting it with for most of your life. And in one day you ruined all that hard work by opening your pie hole to all that fatty food loaded with butter, eggs and who knows what else. To top it off, you imbibed so much booze that you were barely able to walk straight at the end of the night. What kind of way is that to treat your inner organs? Do you want to end up looking like a crazy chick version of this
Have you no shame? Read more of this post
November 21, 2012 16 Comments
Before they’re roasted, deep fried, trussed and dressed these big birds make a pilgrimage to Fowlutopia, home of the St. Cluck Cathedral, a place where turkeys who want to go to Fowl Heaven will confess and be absolved of their sins.
Father Jack Turkey (FJT) who has been listening to turkey confessions is breaking his silence. What Father Jack Turkey knows about his own kind has been kept a secret from the human population but I’ve got the exclusive interview here:
Lafemme: You were recently involved in a scandal that caused your removal from St. Cluck. Can you tell us about that?
FJT: I was caught cross-species fornicating Read more of this post
October 24, 2012 20 Comments