What Does a Man Want?

What Does a Woman Want? was one of my most commented posts and it showed my contradictory nature. The post in a way posed more questions than it did answers to the desire of women. I realized that life is too ironic …

Now my noodle is ticking on the thoughts of what a man wants.

Even though I lack the genitals to answer this question I will still attempt to do so because I feel like gender bending today.

a man wants:

to bang as many chicks as he can before settling down– what happens if his schlong does decide to settle down because it’s all “banged out”?

wants to be worshiped and adored–what if his worshippers are all stalkers and loons?

to date really cheap hos–is it because hos charge by the hour?

Jesse James Relationship Outlaw or Medical Phenomenon?

Lafemmeroar here again with the latest crazy celebrity news and gossip that is just too juicy to be true:

Jesse James (JJ) cheated on America’s sweetheart Sandra Bullock and when she booted him to the curb, he went on to find love with tattoo queen Kat Von D, but that didn’t last either when she found out he’s been swinging his schlong to other “glorious holes.” A recent report by Schlong Swing Online states that JJ cheated on Kat with nineteen different women during their relationship. But JJ denies this and to prove his innocence, he submitted to a lie detector test and to everyone’s surprise JJ passed with flying colors. When asked how he pulled it off JJ stated, “I did not cheat on Kat. My schlong was true to her.”

Well folks JJ’s private physician Dr. Drew Penilehickey reveals that

Trash Talk in Relationships

The Courting Phase:

Setting: Her apartment.

Time: The first date.

Him: Wow. You look great.

Her: Thanks. Give me a sec. I just need to throw out the trash then we can go.

Him: I’ll do that.

Her: Really? Are you sure?

Him: I don’t mind.

Her: How sweet.

Him: Anytime.

The Relationship Phase:

‘Twas the Night of My Date–Poetic Revenge

‘Twas the night of my date, when all through the house

I ran like a loon while buttoning my blouse

Tucked in my purse was a condom just in case

We ended the night in amorous embrace 

My doubts I kept hidden and snug in my head 

Be positive said all the books I have read 

I sat and waited for his knock on my door

When no one came knocking my heart fell to the floor

You don’t have to be a star to deserve my love

I often wonder when and where I’ll fall in love gain and with whom. 

In retrospect, I’ve always fallen in love with smart men who made me laugh. Oh, they made me cry as well, (I wouldn’t be human if I’ve never cried over love) and I suspect that when I find my “true love,” the gamut of emotions I experience will include a few tears, but lots of laughter and joy.

He won’t be perfect, but he’ll be wonderful in my eyes. He won’t be a rocket scientist, but he’ll understand my complexities. He won’t be rich, but he’ll be full of sweetness and light. He won’t be famous, but I’ll know

Disadvantage of a Hybrid Cougar

Cheap booze poured from the bar like a broken fire hydrant on a summer day. Music boomed and thirsty patrons in this local watering hole laughed, drank and devoured happy hour tid bits.  So, there I was sitting at the bar enjoying a few laughs with a couple of friends when I saw a vision. I couldn’t take my eyes off the woman

10 Signs That He’s Mr. Wrong

Here are ten signs that say the guy you’re with is NOT the guy for YOU:

1. The word commitment isn’t in his vocabulary: But he knows how to say “no strings sex” and “I need to see other people” in five different languages. 
2. He’s still looking for himself: If he’s lost, then you’ll never find love with him.
3. He’s exactly like your ex-boyfriend: This one is a no-brainer … duh …
4. His words don’t match his actions: He says you’re the only woman for him, while his eyes fixate on the blonde bombshell and her knockers.
5. You don’t speak the same language: You say potato–he says potaTOH. You say relationship–he says bootie call. Oh just call the whole thing off.

Online Dating Is It a Good Idea? Part 3.1

Here’s Part 3.1 of my online dating adventure, which focuses on the first site I joined. I still don’t know how far I’ll go with this quest. I have learned that searching for “the one” online is like choosing produce at the grocery store. You don’t want to pick the bruised or the rotten, so you need to sniff, pinch and handle them a bit to see if they’re any good.

Lavalife has three sections for user profiles: Dating, Relationships and Intimate Encounters. Signing up with Lavalife means that I can hypothetically go bowling with a fun guy, have sex with a

Inner Freak of a Single Woman

Every man I’ve ever dated has suffered my freakish proclivity for lip biting. I love the feel of lips next to mine. I love to caress it with my tongue. I love to tenderly kiss those puckers and when he least expects it I give it a good bite. The feel of those fleshy folds between my teeth just makes me smile and yeah … it tingles my feathers. The first initiation  propels him back to say “what the &%@#” as he checks for broken skin. But I’m an expert lip biter … I never break his skin … although my bites tend to break his pain threshold. Then I smile and he gets it. At that moment he’s been initiated to what will become our ritual for as long as our relationship will last. Lip biting is part of foreplay. He can’t do it to me, but I can do it to him as much as I want–that’s the rule. And I know it’s true love (although temporal) when he relents knowing that a bigger prize awaits once I get my fill of inflicting just a bit of pain. That’s my inner freak. What’s yours?

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© 2011 Lafemmeroar

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Online Dating is it a Good Idea? Part 2

My quest to find true love took me on a digital journey of online dating sites. After weeks of looking at endless pictures and profiles, I was even more confused about the male species.

Here’s an example, I saw a cutie who called himself “screwyalniter“–now what could that name possibly imply? Yet, his profile states that he spoke three languages, he’s looking for a long-term relationship, he likes books and movies and his idea of a romantic first date is dinner and a long walk. If indeed he was this smart and sensitive, then why did he choose a name that made him sound like drill bit? Then there was “Coolonick” (now say that name out loud). That’s right–enema anyone? This