Shopping for a Man

A conversation with a friend about men gave me a new perspective about my single and never been wed-locked status.

BFF: We need to look for a man the way we shop for purses.

Lafemme: You mean find one on sale?

BFF: Yes. We need to find a good bargain but instead of looking for leather we need to look for good schlongs (she got that term from me).

The idea did make a lot of sense. After all I’m a great shopper. And if I were to apply my bargain shopping skills to schlong man shopping  I just might hit the jackpot! Is it possible? Could this be my year of finding “The Perfect Schlong” Mr. Right? After all ”Sale” doesn’t mean damaged:

Holiday Gift Ideas: Taser Gun for Parents

Imagine a cherubic face smiling at you or little feet running on a meadow of flowers. They’re always clean, they’re always smiling and playing with such delight.That’s what you see on post cards. This is Fantasy Kid.

La la la la la la LAND

There’s another type of child. The kind that cries, the kind with dirty hands and mouth … the kind with wet and stinky tushies.

What kid? I don't have a kid.

Mwaaah–mwaah-mwah… change me

This kid has pirated the single and free lifestyle. They won’t eat when they should, they wake up when they shouldn’t, and they break things. They can be unruly especially in public places.  This is the Real Kid

Aargh–you’re life as you know it is gone! Aargh

You don’t have to be a star to deserve my love

I often wonder when and where I’ll fall in love gain and with whom. 

In retrospect, I’ve always fallen in love with smart men who made me laugh. Oh, they made me cry as well, (I wouldn’t be human if I’ve never cried over love) and I suspect that when I find my “true love,” the gamut of emotions I experience will include a few tears, but lots of laughter and joy.

He won’t be perfect, but he’ll be wonderful in my eyes. He won’t be a rocket scientist, but he’ll understand my complexities. He won’t be rich, but he’ll be full of sweetness and light. He won’t be famous, but I’ll know

Life Expectancies of the Single Woman

Wikimedia Commons/Life.com

Life is a daily surprise. Just when you think you’ve got your future planned, fate throws in a monkey wrench wrecking the synchronicity of your world order. If you thought that you’d find your true love by now, but it hasn’t happened yet, don’t fret. I can’t predict your life expectancy, but I can predict what you can expect when you are single.

Sexual Manifesto of a Single Woman

I refuse to be promiscuous. I’m a serial monogamist and I can still count my partners in my head even though I’d like to forget about some of them.

I refuse to pay for sex, but I’ve paid in non-monetary ways through aggravation, misery, heartache and time.

I believe in ladies first. Selfish men are made for

Online Dating is it a Good Idea? Part 4

I discovered a free dating site called Dating on Demand that has partnered with Perfect Match. Singles can tape their video or they can attend a Dating on Demand event and have their profile videotaped for free. Video profiles can be seen through the On Demand service or online at PerfectMatch.com. I know that I’m not going to sign up on this site as they don’t have it available in my area, but I thought you might get a kick out of viewing some of the videos I found on You Tube.

Watching these videos have led me to realize why there are so many singles out there looking for love and not finding any:

Perks of Being Kid-less … and loving it

I heard it again folks. The other day someone asked me if I had any children and when I said NO I got the usual why not. So I told them being sans kid(s) has its perks:

When I hear someone cry I can ignore it.

I don’t have to give anyone a temporary time out. I just permanently delete them on my Blackberry.

When someone asks for a bottle I hand them a beer. And get one for myself.

Online Dating: Is it a Good Idea? Part 3.3

I’m looking through every digital nook and cranny to find the gem hidden within the litter of excrement that fertilizes the online dating world. I’ve been looking for love in all the wrong places, but I’m hoping that someday I’ll find the love of my life and together, we can trot on down eternity dealing and laughing at the malfunction of the universe. Here’s my latest find and I actually learned something new:

Enjoying my Singledom

Being single and happy isn’t an oxymoron–it’s a harmonious existence that makes good sense. It’s better to be happy alone than to be miserable with the wrong guy. While I haven’t given up on finding love with “the one,” I’m not holding my breath either. Instead, I’m enjoying me. Being single and in a relationship with myself means never having to say let’s break-up. Here are some of the simple things I like to do alone:

To All the Single Ladies …

Being a single girl in a malfunctioning universe means that I need to laugh at the chaos. Laughing is good for my health and it’s a lot more attractive than looking like I just sucked a lemon. However, when I’m classified as a malfunction because I’ve never been married–annoys me. To all the single ladies out there has anyone ever said this to you?