My letter from Santa!

When I was just a wee kid who looked up to people because I was too short to look at them straight in the face, I believed in Santa Claus. I wrote him a wish list every year and I mailed it to the North Pole. I asked for big-ticket items like a bike, a phonograph (I’m dating myself here), a tape recorder (I thought I wanted to be a reporter but I really just wanted to use the device to snoop on people) and such.

Every year Santa always got it wrong.  When I asked for a pink bike I got a puke orange bike with no basket, but he did include a little honker. I knew that Santa wasn’t perfect but he always came close. One year I asked for a Baby Alive, a doll  that ate, drank, pooped and peed.

Imagine my surprise when I received a letter back from Santa:

Wikimedia Commons – Patrick Lentz from Boston, USA

Dear Petit Lafemme,

You have been a good girl this year. You reduced your pouting to every other day and you only stuck out your tongue behind your mother’s back once a week. What an improvement! You always get good grades even though you never do your homework and you only hit your siblings with an open hand. So this year I thought that I could finally give you the toy of your desire. Read more of this post

How Santa Can Make Christmas Suck

Every year I wish for Santa to give me something really good for Christmas. After all … I try to be good (in my own way) all year long and I should be rewarded for that …shouldn’t I????

What do you think Crazy Chicks?

1_christmas

Read more of this post

Appetite Control On Thanksgiving

The holiday eating frenzy will begin soon.

If you’re worried about gaining weight this Thanksgiving, don’t fret.

I’ve got some tips on how to curb your appetite on turkey day :)

 

Tip 1: Argue with a relative you hate!

The anger and stress will have you

reaching for the booze instead of the Read more of this post

Haunted by Past Relationships

My track record in relationships hasn’t been stellar.

The ghost of Christmas Past woke me up one night

to haunt me about the way I treated my ex-boyfriends.

I guess he wanted me to see the error of my ways.

1_dumpingchristmastrash

Read more of this post

How Santa Can Make Christmas Suck

Every year I wish that Santa will give me something really good for Christmas. After all … I try to be good (in my own way) all year long and I should be rewarded for my deeds …shouldn’t I????

What do you think Crazy Chicks?

1_christmas

Read more of this post

Christmas Gifts Santa Won’t Give …

I know … it’s a little early to think about

Christmas Consumerism, but what the hell!

This is one gift Santa won’t be giving out this holiday season.

What do you want for Christmas?

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© 2011 Lafemmeroar

How to Diet on Thanksgiving

Argue with that relative you hate!

The anger and stress will have you reaching for the booze instead of the Read more of this post

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