Shopping for a Man

A conversation with a friend about men gave me a new perspective about my single and never been wed-locked status.

BFF: We need to look for a man the way we shop for purses.

Lafemme: You mean find one on sale?

BFF: Yes. We need to find a good bargain but instead of looking for leather we need to look for good schlongs (she got that term from me).

The idea did make a lot of sense. After all I’m a great shopper. And if I were to apply my bargain shopping skills to schlong man shopping  I just might hit the jackpot! Is it possible? Could this be my year of finding “The Perfect Schlong” Mr. Right? After all ”Sale” doesn’t mean damaged:

Dating Tips for Men

In the past I’ve given many chicks tips on how to laugh at the chaos, but now is the time to write a post dedicated to all the men out there.

Here are some tips on how to get out of sticky situations when it comes to the opposite sex. 

Next time a chick you’ve had sex with comes up to you and you just can’t remember her name tell her that you suffer from “Namenesia” the inability to remember names. Tell them that constant physical intimacy is part of the cure and you’re looking for a volunteer.

When you’re out on a date and want to weasel out of the check, just tell your date that you have “Nomullah” disease, which is the condition of never having any money. A chick with a heart of gold would be more than happy to throw down some dough for your steak dinner.

If your girlfriend gives you an ultimatum about commitment, tell her that you have “RPS” (Relationship Palpitation Syndrome), a condition that gives you heart pains when you hear the words: commitment, relationship, monogamy, marriage, exclusivity and etc. The only cure for this ailment is patience and understanding on her part and lots of sex with other women and

Trash Talk in Relationships

The Courting Phase:

Setting: Her apartment.

Time: The first date.

Him: Wow. You look great.

Her: Thanks. Give me a sec. I just need to throw out the trash then we can go.

Him: I’ll do that.

Her: Really? Are you sure?

Him: I don’t mind.

Her: How sweet.

Him: Anytime.

The Relationship Phase:

Just Humor Me …

Okay friends, here’s another listing of some of my favorite posts that you might have missed.

The Art of Aging Gracefully

You can’t fight gravity and nature …

You Don’t Have to be a Star to Deserve My Love

You need to click on this if for no other reason than to see the video by Marilyn McCoo and Billy Davis Jr. singing one of my favorite songs.

Disadvantage of a Hybrid Cougar

I ain’t talking about cars and animals …

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© 2011 Lafemmeroar

‘Twas the Night of My Date–Poetic Revenge

‘Twas the night of my date, when all through the house

I ran like a loon while buttoning my blouse

Tucked in my purse was a condom just in case

We ended the night in amorous embrace 

My doubts I kept hidden and snug in my head 

Be positive said all the books I have read 

I sat and waited for his knock on my door

When no one came knocking my heart fell to the floor

Recipes for a Better Life

Detox Cocktail

1 part strength to boot him to the curb

1 part courage to live life alone (for a while)

2 parts hope that you’ll find a good guy–even if it takes years

6 good friends to talk to (optional)

and a whole lot of self-esteem (a must)

Instructions: Take a deep breath and execute the first ingredient as swiftly as you can. Then quickly develop the courage to be alone and blend with hope. Shake it up with some friends and bitch
to them some more about what you should have done ages ago. Now, dust yourself from head to toe with a whole lot of self-esteem.

No Date Cake

The Sweetness of a Good Whipping–Lafemmeroarism #9

A bad man is like cream

Wikimedia Commons--Cream Drop

 

Whipping him

Online Dating is it a Good Idea? Part 4

I discovered a free dating site called Dating on Demand that has partnered with Perfect Match. Singles can tape their video or they can attend a Dating on Demand event and have their profile videotaped for free. Video profiles can be seen through the On Demand service or online at PerfectMatch.com. I know that I’m not going to sign up on this site as they don’t have it available in my area, but I thought you might get a kick out of viewing some of the videos I found on You Tube.

Watching these videos have led me to realize why there are so many singles out there looking for love and not finding any:

10 Signs That He’s Mr. Wrong

Here are ten signs that say the guy you’re with is NOT the guy for YOU:

1. The word commitment isn’t in his vocabulary: But he knows how to say “no strings sex” and “I need to see other people” in five different languages. 
2. He’s still looking for himself: If he’s lost, then you’ll never find love with him.
3. He’s exactly like your ex-boyfriend: This one is a no-brainer … duh …
4. His words don’t match his actions: He says you’re the only woman for him, while his eyes fixate on the blonde bombshell and her knockers.
5. You don’t speak the same language: You say potato–he says potaTOH. You say relationship–he says bootie call. Oh just call the whole thing off.

Online Dating: Is it a Good Idea? Part 3.3

I’m looking through every digital nook and cranny to find the gem hidden within the litter of excrement that fertilizes the online dating world. I’ve been looking for love in all the wrong places, but I’m hoping that someday I’ll find the love of my life and together, we can trot on down eternity dealing and laughing at the malfunction of the universe. Here’s my latest find and I actually learned something new: