Medical terms you won’t find on WebMD

An old post for my new readers … Enjoy

Jerkteria: A micro-organism extremely attracted to cells with low-self esteem.

Venereal Idiocy: A lapse in judgement usually due to extreme horniness.

Superficialism: The addiction to surgical procedures that reverse the sign of aging on the outside without reversing the rot on the inside.

Couchanism: One who is addicted to therapy even though they are beyond treatment.

Bedbugging: The constant poking of the person sleeping next to you to see if they’re awake.

SARS (Singles Addicted to Romantic Silliness): Single chicks who are unable to comprehend that in reality knights in shinning armor are full of rust.

ABC (Alternative Birth Control): The act of simultaneous masturbation

Funny Word Game–Let’s Play Scattergories

Another Oldie and hopefully a goodie: 

Answer the following by using the first letter of your first name: Lafemmeroar

A Song Title: Lady Marmalade by Labelle (Listen while you read the post

A Color: Lavender

A Place: Ladidaville (A place for people who are brain-dead.)

A Store: Liver Killer Mart (a chain of liquor stores)

A Street Name: Lost in Love Blvd. (Located on the Vegas strip next to the Chapel of Drunken I Dos)

A Famous Female Celebrity: Lucy Lawless

A Famous Male Celebrity: Luke Skywalker  (A-Lister from a galaxy far far away)

A Band Name: Leonard Skin Nerd … oops …Can you guess the band?

A Drink: Lavalixer (1 part

Four Types of Femme Fatales

An oldie but it still rings true … read and find out why:

A recent conversation with a very distraught and angry friend got me thinking about the damage women can do to men. Recently dumped by his girlfriend he ranted about how women are nothing but sneaky, gold digging liars who destroy men’s lives. I didn’t argue over his generalization or that he was talking to a woman. He was in too much pain to be challenged.

via IMDB

Basically, he bought her a new car, new boobs, a new nose and now she’s got a new man. She was a goddamn femme fatale he said. I had met the woman. So, I told him about the four types of femme fatale and since he’s a film buff I used a few movie references to support my descriptions
The Classic Femme Fatale in film noir seduces the man to commit the crime. In “Double Indemnity” Barbara Stanwyck two-times Fred MacMurray, but not before she convinces him to murder her husband. He couldn’t resist her so he killed for her. Classic femmes use their sexuality to compromise a man’s morality and ethics for a piece of prime tail that these men unknowingly have to share.

Pooper Scooper and the Hazards of Walking

This one is an oldie, but still a goodie for a laugh … even if it’s at my own stinky expense!

When I can talk myself into it, I put on my iPod and blast Springsteen and Tom Petty for the next two and a half miles while I speed walk on the horse trail in my neighborhood. I’ve never seen any horses, only people and pet owners who think the trail is a lavatory for their pets.  About a mile and a half into my walk, I saw a big clump of poop and I side-stepped to avoid it.  I twisted my ankle on a small hole in the ground and I fell face first. My face missed the other turd ahead but my hands landed splat on them.

What men really mean

Ever wonder what men really mean?

Wonder no more. I’m here to give you the 101:

A man who criticizes the size of a woman’s ass is actually criticizing the shortcomings of his schlong.

A man who says “I can do better than you” is actually saying “I’m not good enough for you.”

When he says “I think we should see other people” what he means is that he wants to catch an STD, but he doesn’t want to give it to you.

When you see “your new guy” in an awkward moment and he shrugs you off by saying

Proud to be a Bitch

One of my first posts on WordPress when I still ate ice cream …  

Ever been called a bitch and felt insulted?

I just got home from the grocery store where I was “debating” with an obstinate cashier over the price of Haagen Dazs Coffee ice cream. I told him that it was two for five dollars and he claimed that it wasn’t. So the cashier sent the bagger to do a price check. While we were waiting, the man behind me insisted that I should let him go ahead of me in line since he only had one item, a big bottle of Jim Beam. His breath stank of alcohol and he smelled beyond ripe.

The True Meaning of Words in the Dictionary

Wikimedia Commons

I was at the used book store the other day when I came upon a book titled:

“The True Meaning of Words.”

People with corks up their butts have banned this book for decades, but I got my hands on it now and I’m sharing these super-fabulous words with you my dear readers. So here are some of my favorites:

Backbone: A schlong up the butt

Upbeat: A man who masturbates standing up

Brainchild: A 40-year-old man who acts like a kid

Creepologist: A professional creep

Male Enhancement: A man in touch with his feminine side! 

Tadpole: A little wee schlong

Technical Virgin: A chick who’s been poked on every orifice except “one“

I love the bad boys …

He makes you feel squishy and gooey in all the right places. He’s tough, he’s dangerous and he’s hot. Bad boys make our blood boil and quiver our delicate loins. We know they’re not good for us, but why do we find them so damn irresistible?

He wasn’t very tall and he had funny looking ears, but the way Clark Gable swept Vivien Leigh up those stairs in “Gone with the Wind” makes my heart go pitter patter and other lady parts as well. 

I Don’t Need a Man

I was talking to my friend the other day and I mentioned that I’d been in a rather moody mood. When was the last time you got any he asked. Any what? (I was playing dumb) You know … sex … he said. Oh that …Well that’s kind of a tricky question I said. That means no he said and added that’s because you’re a dragon lady.

I couldn’t argue with him on that one … it’s not the first time I’ve been called a “fire breather.”

The Horny Pooch and My Wardrobe Malfunction

It’s not exactly skirt and sandal season, but I was going through some old posts and realized that this is a perfect example of a crazy chick moment when laughing at the malfunction of the universe is absolutely better than crying about it. Enjoy!

The hot weather prompted me to digress from wearing pants to wearing a skirt and a blouse. Since I’m rather “full” on top I used a safety pin to close the peek-a-boo see my bra gap. I was all intact and ready to