What men really mean

Ever wonder what men really mean?

Wonder no more. I’m here to give you the 101:

A man who criticizes the size of a woman’s ass is actually criticizing the shortcomings of his schlong.

A man who says “I can do better than you” is actually saying “I’m not good enough for you.”

When he says “I think we should see other people” what he means is that he wants to catch an STD, but he doesn’t want to give it to you.

When you see “your new guy” in an awkward moment and he shrugs you off by saying

Shopping for a Man

A conversation with a friend about men gave me a new perspective about my single and never been wed-locked status.

BFF: We need to look for a man the way we shop for purses.

Lafemme: You mean find one on sale?

BFF: Yes. We need to find a good bargain but instead of looking for leather we need to look for good schlongs (she got that term from me).

The idea did make a lot of sense. After all I’m a great shopper. And if I were to apply my bargain shopping skills to schlong man shopping  I just might hit the jackpot! Is it possible? Could this be my year of finding “The Perfect Schlong” Mr. Right? After all ”Sale” doesn’t mean damaged:

Dating Tips for Men

In the past I’ve given many chicks tips on how to laugh at the chaos, but now is the time to write a post dedicated to all the men out there.

Here are some tips on how to get out of sticky situations when it comes to the opposite sex. 

Next time a chick you’ve had sex with comes up to you and you just can’t remember her name tell her that you suffer from “Namenesia” the inability to remember names. Tell them that constant physical intimacy is part of the cure and you’re looking for a volunteer.

When you’re out on a date and want to weasel out of the check, just tell your date that you have “Nomullah” disease, which is the condition of never having any money. A chick with a heart of gold would be more than happy to throw down some dough for your steak dinner.

If your girlfriend gives you an ultimatum about commitment, tell her that you have “RPS” (Relationship Palpitation Syndrome), a condition that gives you heart pains when you hear the words: commitment, relationship, monogamy, marriage, exclusivity and etc. The only cure for this ailment is patience and understanding on her part and lots of sex with other women and

Schlongisms #1

When your pecker gets a woody

for another Chick

Female Sexuality–The Mind and Body Discrepancy

My serious and most revealing post– in case you missed it. 

Wikimedia Commons/Kos

 

I’m a paradox. A reader recently commented on my inconsistent ramblings and his comment inspired me to explore my noodle. Since I am contradictory in so many ways I decided to ruminate on an interesting subject–SEX.

I have certain thought proclivities that I’ve never acted out, but they are constant in giving me a “happy ending.” I’ve never converged fantasy and reality, and I believe that this “mental constraint” is part of my incongruous nature.

So I did some research and found an interesting article from  Read more

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© 2011 Lafemmeroar

What Does a Man Want?

What Does a Woman Want? was one of my most commented posts and it showed my contradictory nature. The post in a way posed more questions than it did answers to the desire of women. I realized that life is too ironic …

Now my noodle is ticking on the thoughts of what a man wants.

Even though I lack the genitals to answer this question I will still attempt to do so because I feel like gender bending today.

a man wants:

to bang as many chicks as he can before settling down– what happens if his schlong does decide to settle down because it’s all “banged out”?

wants to be worshiped and adored–what if his worshippers are all stalkers and loons?

to date really cheap hos–is it because hos charge by the hour?

My Most Popular Post

Dear Readers,

I recently took a look at my top posts and noticed that “Sex Addiction and Real Dolls” has had the most views, but not a lot of comments. So I’m sharing the article on this post so new readers can take a gander at what my noodle was thinking about last July. Let me know what you think.

Nominated for Best Humor Blog at Bloggers Choice Awards. Please vote

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© 2011 Lafemmeroar

Trash Talk in Relationships

The Courting Phase:

Setting: Her apartment.

Time: The first date.

Him: Wow. You look great.

Her: Thanks. Give me a sec. I just need to throw out the trash then we can go.

Him: I’ll do that.

Her: Really? Are you sure?

Him: I don’t mind.

Her: How sweet.

Him: Anytime.

The Relationship Phase:

Just Humor Me …

Okay friends, here’s another listing of some of my favorite posts that you might have missed.

The Art of Aging Gracefully

You can’t fight gravity and nature …

You Don’t Have to be a Star to Deserve My Love

You need to click on this if for no other reason than to see the video by Marilyn McCoo and Billy Davis Jr. singing one of my favorite songs.

Disadvantage of a Hybrid Cougar

I ain’t talking about cars and animals …

Nominated for Best Humor Blog at Bloggers Choice Awards. Please vote

 Get the CCC Badge

Join the Crazy Chicks Club.

Click here if you’re a Crazy Freak.

Visit my fan page on Facebook.

© 2011 Lafemmeroar

Lafemmeroarism #11–Worth Knowing

When you don’t know your worth

Remember you are PRICELESS.  

Join the Crazy Chicks Club.

Click here if you’re a Crazy Freak.

Visit my fan page on Facebook.

© 2011 Lafemmeroar