Unintentional Sexual Thoughts

Wikimedia Commons

I’m single and dateless, that also means I’m “sexless.” But that doesn’t mean I don’t think about it. In fact I think more about sex when I’m not getting it. I think about sex multiple times a day–hell multiple times an hour and sometimes multiple times a minute when I have my quickie thoughts.

I can be teary-eyed while cutting up an onion, but my mind will be engrossed with thoughts about scorching the sheets with some hot fantasy male. In fact I’m thinking about sex now. I think about sex so much that I’ve suffered many embarrassing  Read more of this post

Don’t Flirt on my Time

Patience is a virtue. I went to Starbucks and while I had intended to go through the drive through my tush said that I should park and walk it because I could use the “exercise.” Big mistake … I walk into a long line. I hate lines and the slow as snail baristas melts my patience like a glacier in hell. While waiting I try to entertain myself with the knick knacks on the shelves and ponder the logic of buying an overpriced coffee maker.

Hallelujah I’m next. Only the chick (flashing silicone cleavage) in front of me is flirting with the order taker (the horny half-wit). The two talk about clubbing, partying and other mindless “ing” activities while the last person in line (me) is  chomping at the bits for her caffeine fix. The guy behind the counter sees me, Read more of this post

10 Signs That He’s Mr. Wrong

man dorkHere are 10 signs that say the guy you’re with is NOT the guy for YOU:

  1. The word “commitment” isn’t in his vocabulary: But he knows how to say “no strings sex” and “I need to see other people” in 5 different languages

  2. He’s still looking for himself: If he’s lost, then you’ll never find love with him.

  3. He’s exactly like your ex-boyfriend: This one is a no-brainer … DUH!

  4. His words don’t match his actions: He says you’re the only woman for him, while his eyes fixate on the blonde bombshell and her knockers.

  5. You don’t speak the same language: You say potato–he says potaTOH. You say relationship–he says bootie call. Oh just call the whole thing off. Read more of this post

Red, White and Blue All Over Me

This is an oldie but a goodie!

Just call me Morticia, for even in the hell of the heat I’ll wear black, which is exactly what I did at a recent pre-4th of July barbecue I attended as a tag along with another single friend of mine. I don’t want to be the only unmarried one there she said and of course she singled me out from her handful of other single and not hating it lady friends. As I’m not the type to

Read more of this post

Kids are sweet when they lie

I asked my 12-year-old nephew if he will still let me kiss him and pinch his cheeks when he’s 30. He gave me a WTF look, but he nodded his head and said yes. What man, at the prime of life would want an old crazy chick pinching his cheeks in front of a “chickadee”? But he couldn’t hurt my feelings. Kids are so sweet when they lie …

In trying to get my niece and nephew to eat more vegetables, I gave them a tall glass of spinach and parsley smoothie. When I asked them if it was good, they both chimed in and said “it’s really good Auntie Lafemme” even though they both looked like they were about to HURL. But they Read more of this post

Being an Equal Opportunity Blogger

I needed to post this again for my new readers … :)

I was with my friend the other night and I showed her my blog. She cruised the site and said your blog seems biased against men. So I said it is? And she said yeah, and she read out loud some of my blog titles:

Read more of this post

Real or Fake?

Technology has the power to alter our appearance. And we’ve all seen “those” addicted to “technology.” They look one way today and another the next … and we’re thinking “is that you?” Or you say to yourself “that alien looks awfully familiar.” But if someone wants to enhance their looks … I say MORE POWER TO YOU CHICK! We have the right to augment whatever we want for these modern times gives us the power to be and to look however we want to look. And if a smaller nose or bigger breasts can make us smile when we look in the mirror why not? Now, if some of you are wondering if “my girls” are au natural … the answer is I’m too poor and too much of a chicken to ever go under the knife. 

happy hour

Real or not … pink haired chick

is having lots more fun. 

Maybe these chicks need to dye their

hair pink as well?

Get the CCC Badge

Join the Crazy Chicks Club

Join the Crazy Freaks Club

Join the B.A.D Club

© 2013 Lafemmeroar

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 565 other followers

%d bloggers like this: