My Most Popular Post

Dear Readers,

I recently took a look at my top posts and noticed that “Sex Addiction and Real Dolls” has had the most views, but not a lot of comments. So I’m sharing the article on this post so new readers can take a gander at what my noodle was thinking about last July. Let me know what you think.

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© 2011 Lafemmeroar

A Crazy Chick’s Version of a Perfect World

In my perfect world:

the more you eat the less you’ll weigh

the drive-thru lane always gets your order right

there are no cosmetic surgeons because wrinkles don’t exist

children are happy, loved, nurtured and educated

soldiers will carry tambourines and daisies instead of guns and bombs

politicians will think about the people instead of the next election

I can have an orgasm just by thinking about it and it will last for as long as I want it to …

Lady Gaga looks human and not like an alien

My Funny Insanity

Here are some previous posts you may have missed. Enjoy … 

Meditation schmeditation: I know a better way to relax: A very effective way to release the tension.

Questions I asked Mommy and Daddy: I asked lots of questions, but in retrospect I don’t think I ever got any straight answers.

The Horny Pooch and My Wardrobe Malfunction: This one you just have to read!

Translations at the Nail Salon: Sometimes it’s best not to know what other people are talking about.

Confessions of a former snooper: Have you ever snooped and wished that you hadn’t?

Don’t Flirt on my Time: This post depicts customer service at its worst.

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© 2011 Lafemmeroar

Why Keeping Your Mouth Shut is the Best Revenge

While at the bulk nuts section of my favorite specialty grocery store, I was scooping unsalted pepitas in a plastic bag when I heard three consecutive hey yous. I turned around and the guy behind me said  your purse is open and your wallet is about to fall. I looked at my bag and realized he was right. What a nice man I thought. So I quickly closed my purse and thanked him. He responded with a whatever, shook his head and walked away. So, I continued my shopping thankful of the averted pecuniary disaster and headed to the

The Man from Malutopia–Love Button Twitchings and Confusions #2

Part #1: This is the metamorphosis of a man who turns into a woman in a world dominated by men.

Zelda knew the schlongs would come back, and make her the queen of their schlong bang, but not before they contacted their leader Zeuks to join in on the fun. How ironic that a day ago Zeuks was the banger and now his schlonglessness would make him the “bangee.” The events of the day put a heavy toll in his her psyche for Zelda despite her newly formed “femmeness” still harbored a lot of alpha-maleness in her mind. All this was too confusing and stressful. In times of stress Zeuks spanked the schlong, but since Zeuks is now Zelda there was no schlong to spank.

But there is a love button behind the folds and he was an expert at rubbing that. So Zelda lay down on the bed and proceeded with de-stressing her mind. After a long while of rubbing and tugging her love button Zelda found

Ready to Rumble at the Airport

Yesterday, I picked up a friend at the airport and almost got into a fight. This is how it went down.

I arrive just in time and saw her waiting for me at the passenger pick up curb of LAX. I parked the car, popped the hood and got out to help her with her luggage. She either packed a dead body or slabs of concrete because that sucker was heavy. She grabbed one end I grabbed another but we couldn’t hoist the ton of bricks into my trunk. My friend weighs about five pounds and how she got that lug from the baggage claim to the trolley was a mystery to me. We struggled for another minute until I told her that we should take out some of the contents to lighten it up. She searched her purse for the luggage keys but she couldn’t find it.

It’s summer in Los Angeles. I’d broken a sweat and my temper’s flaring

What Does a Woman Want?

She wants men to stop looking at her tits and ass and look at the goodness of her soul.

She wants to be a sexual object in bed and a respected partner in life.

She wants a little help with the kids.

She wants to soak in the tub without your

Sexual Manifesto of a Single Woman

I refuse to be promiscuous. I’m a serial monogamist and I can still count my partners in my head even though I’d like to forget about some of them.

I refuse to pay for sex, but I’ve paid in non-monetary ways through aggravation, misery, heartache and time.

I believe in ladies first. Selfish men are made for

Sex Addiction and Real Dolls

Do you remember Barbie? Do you remember dressing her up and having her play house with Ken? If you think this endeavor is strictly for kids think again. Confused? Keep reading.

I have a friend who claims to be a sex addict. I can’t stay away from sex; I can’t function without it; I need it and I can’t seem to stop wanting it he said.  I like slutty women, who’ll do what I want when I want it, but women are complicated he said. So I asked him a few questions paraphrased from the Mayo Clinic’s list of sex addiction symptoms:

Screwing with Words

Time for some silliness 

What do you call a …

♦ tween with a sweet tooth? Hyper-texter

♦ prisoner of love? Unhappy spouse

♦ man with a harem? Viagra King

♦ needy person who nags? Clinging whiner

♦ person with no manners? Social retard

♦ horny drunk chick?