November 3, 2014 7 Comments
The holiday eating frenzy will begin soon.
If you’re worried about gaining weight this Thanksgiving, don’t fret.
I’ve got some tips on how to curb your appetite on turkey day :)
laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it
November 3, 2014 7 Comments
November 7, 2012 8 Comments
October 21, 2012 17 Comments
Okay, so I’m still into my vegan kick (except I still eat a little chicken and fish — sometimes) and I’m totally off dairy. I’m learning how to make lots of good healthy stuff. My latest concoc
ktion is making coconut yogurt. I’ve never tried it, but I love yogurt and those probiotics would be good for my gut so I went for it.
Young thai coconut (I bought a case at the asian store)
You basically take about 3 cups of meat and 1 part of the coconut water (at least that’s the ratio I’m working with) then whirl it into the blender. Once it’s all nice and smooth drop 1 or 2 capsules worth of probiotic powder, then put it in a jar to “ferment” the way some single ladies do sitting on a bar stool by their lonesome waiting for some guy to talk to them. After about 4 hours (or more) the yogurt should have cultured and it’s ready to be put in the fridge to cool.
Now, the hardest part of this process is opening the coconut . I’ve seen tons of You Tube videos on how to open a coconut. You basically whack the coconut on top three times with the bottom edge of a butcher knife and pry open the “head.” I didn’t have a butcher knife, but I did have a cheap knife and a hammer. So, off I went and whacked Read more of this post
November 11, 2011 79 Comments
I’ve been perusing your blog and noticed your posts about schlongs. You seem obsessed with this body part. Are you just angry at the schlong population in general or do you have penis envy? What’s all this whacking of schlongs in some of your poems? And what’s up with your recipes anyway? You’re not a cook. I haven’t seen one single recipe in your site that one can actually eat unless they’re cannibals. Imagine the consequences if the wrong person read your recipe on “How to Make a Human Burrito.” And for the record my ex-girlfriend read your Detox Recipe and now I’m homeless. In fact I had to sweet talk a chick into borrowing her laptop so I can write you this email. Despite your disclaimers “some people” actually believe what you write Read more of this post
October 7, 2011 32 Comments
1 former BFF (preferably one who betrayed you and/or messed around with your ex)
2 scotch bonnet peppers (one of the hottest on earth)
1 real strong and thick rope
1 bottle of wine (the cheaper the better)
1 neuromuscular blocking drug (date rape or those things they call a mickey–not the mouse)
1 king sized flat sheet
Invite your former BFF for drinks and tell her you want to bury the “hatchet.”
When she arrives offer her a drink.
Dump the pill in her glass and stir with your dirty middle finger. Make sure she doesn’t see you do this.
Make sure she drinks the whole thing and offer her another for good measure.
Wait about five minutes. You’ll know that the pill has taken effect when she has that duh look in her eyes and her whole body is paralyzed. Don’t worry she’ll still be conscious as it’s best to keep the ingredient “aware” for the next step.
Slice the scotch bonnets in half.
You may rant during this process as the
victim ingredient will be fully conscious and you might as well tell her what you really think. After all, her pie hole is paralyzed so she won’t be able to talk back.
Marinate her eyes by rubbing them with the peppers.
Wrap her in the sheet making sure to tuck the ends under as you roll. Then tie her up like you would a stuffed pork tenderloin.
Once you’ve got her nice and bundled up put her in the trunk of your car.
Drive to the nearest steel mill (make sure this step is done in the middle of the night) and dump the
body burrito in a big vat of liquid steel.
Then high tail it outta there and hope that no one saw you.
Disclaimer: The above recipe is for entertainment purposes only. Any similarity of the first ingredient to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Lafemmeroar is not to be held liable or responsible for any consequences, injuries, or fatalities that may occur in the “execution” of this recipe.
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