February 9, 2013 43 Comments
December 8, 2012 60 Comments
The other day, a commentator from another blog called me “immature” and “vapid.” This was because “said” blog posted a “rebuttal” about one of my posts.
If you’re thinking why is Lafemme being so cryptic?
We want to know what post she’s talking about!
Well … let me just say that the post in reference had nothing to do with “schlong whackings” in fact it was a rather sweet post about a man’s love … investigative noodles will figure this out. Anyway, I was okay with the “immature” comment since I’ve always believed that I’m a “mental” 12 year old … my noodle just refuses to EVOLVE.
BUT VAPID? First I didn’t know what the hell that word meant, but all I know is that I felt soooooo Read more of this post
December 4, 2012 32 Comments
Is it the man’s fault …
if he can’t keep his schlong in his pants?
if he says he’ll call and never does?
if he says he’s single, but he’s got the baggage of a wife and three kids?
if he’s broke ’cause he’s too lazy to work?
if he’s not ready for a commitment, but he’s committed to a Read more of this post
November 30, 2012 28 Comments
A fellow blogger named Eric is such a fan of my “whacky” blog that he took it upon himself to write today’s post. Make sure to visit his blog http://ericmvogt.wordpress.com. He writes poetry and short stories
Once upon a time, there was a girl named Lafemme. She kept getting approached by tall, dark handsome men. They would go out for a while and then turn into schlongs. Then she finally decided that it was just not worth it to be a schlong magnet. She would make some money off of it. So she started a syndicated newspaper article called Dear Schlabby.
She would direct all schlongs there for advice. She was really, really good at it, too. She saved many schlongs from beschlongings (sort of like a beheading but with a different organ). This was the first schlong to answer and start her adventure into tabloid stardom: Read more of this post
November 28, 2012 44 Comments
As a single, never been married Crazy Chick I am the self-proclaimed expert on relationship exorcisms. I have performed many and I’ve helped other chicks as well
You need a relationship exorcism when:
♦ you’ve become a zombie because his mind has taken over your whole being
♦ he’s turned from being your friend and lover to being your tormentor
♦ he thinks you’re a punching bag
♦ your credit card is maxed out from charges he made to P.O.R.N. (P@ssy Open and Ready Now) Read more of this post
November 21, 2012 16 Comments
Before they’re roasted, deep fried, trussed and dressed these big birds make a pilgrimage to Fowlutopia, home of the St. Cluck Cathedral, a place where turkeys who want to go to Fowl Heaven will confess and be absolved of their sins.
Father Jack Turkey (FJT) who has been listening to turkey confessions is breaking his silence. What Father Jack Turkey knows about his own kind has been kept a secret from the human population but I’ve got the exclusive interview here:
Lafemme: You were recently involved in a scandal that caused your removal from St. Cluck. Can you tell us about that?
FJT: I was caught cross-species fornicating Read more of this post
November 10, 2012 10 Comments
Schlong: Hey Lafemme. You talk about schlongs so much I think you have penis envy.
Lafemme: Neh, you’re the one who should have penis envy.
Schlong: Why is that?
Lafemme: I heard that your schlong is the size of an engorged clitoris! Read more of this post
November 6, 2012 34 Comments
You can make friends with that hunky traffic cop who gave you a ticket for talking on your cell phone.
Once you’re on bumper to bumper traffic, you can fiddle with your radio settings then almost get into an accident because you weren’t watching the road. But what’s the point you’re not going anywhere anyway! Read more of this post