10 Signs That He’s Mr. Wrong

man dorkHere are 10 signs that say the guy you’re with is NOT the guy for YOU:

  1. The word “commitment” isn’t in his vocabulary: But he knows how to say “no strings sex” and “I need to see other people” in 5 different languages

  2. He’s still looking for himself: If he’s lost, then you’ll never find love with him.

  3. He’s exactly like your ex-boyfriend: This one is a no-brainer … DUH!

  4. His words don’t match his actions: He says you’re the only woman for him, while his eyes fixate on the blonde bombshell and her knockers.

  5. You don’t speak the same language: You say potato–he says potaTOH. You say relationship–he says bootie call. Oh just call the whole thing off. Read more of this post

The Art of Aging Gracefully

Rotting Aging isn’t a bad thing. There are perks in getting older such as wisdom, AARP membership and young folks believing what you say because they think you’ve been there and done that. Getting older isn’t a negative thing at all. So it’s important to age with grace. Here’s how: Read more of this post

The True Meaning of Words in the Dictionary

Wikimedia Commons

Wikimedia Commons

I was at the used book store the other day when I came upon a book titled:

The True Meaning of Words.”

People with corks up their butts have banned this book for decades, but I got my hands on it now and I’m sharing these super-fabulous words with you my dear readers. So here are some of my favorites:

Backbone: A schlong up the butt

Upbeat: A man who masturbates standing up

Brainchild: A 40-year-old man who acts like a kid

Creepologist: A professional creep

Male Enhancement: A man in touch with his feminine side! 

Tadpole: A little wee schlong

Technical Virgin: A chick who’s been poked on every orifice except “one Read more of this post

From Hell to Pleasure–A Poem

Oh no! Save me!

 

{Dear Friends … it’s been a while, so here’s a re-post of a poem in honor of Halloween}

Twas all Hallows Eve and all through the house

I heard creepy noises could it be a mouse?

I checked all the rooms and down through the hall

Then I heard it tap tapping right through the wall

My heart filled with fright and I ran to the door

Ready to scream then I tripped on the floor

I lifted my head and out came a creature

It looked like a monster from some sci-fi feature Read more of this post

The Man from Malutopia–A Story of Genital Proportions

In the world of Malutopia lived an alpha male named Zeuks Strong. From his swagger and his muscles to his talent in seduction, Zeuks represented all that is manly and good in Malutopia. Zeuks along with his fellows schlongers Dionassus, Pervinsky, and Dickends worked, played and lived up to the Malutopia philosophy: Spread your seed for your need to breed. Read more of this post

How to Get out of a Bad Relationship

As a single, never been married Crazy Chick I am the self-proclaimed expert on relationship exorcisms. I have performed many and I’ve helped other chicks as well :)

You need a relationship exorcism when:

♦ you’ve become a zombie because his mind has taken over your whole being

♦ he’s turned from being your friend and lover to being your tormentor

♦ he thinks you’re a punching bag

♦ your credit card is maxed out from charges he made to P.O.R.N. (P@ssy Open and Ready Now) Read more of this post

Revenge on a “Cheating Man”

Revenge can be HOT read on to find out!

Men love to objectify women and there is a “thing” called a real doll that men can have sex with if they have a couple of thousand bucks to throw down. She’s sexy. She’s beautiful. She never gets fat ’cause she can’t eat. She never talks back ’cause she can’t speak. She never complains, criticizes or judges ’cause she can’t think. She never threatens to leave ’cause she can’t walk. She can however, be positioned in anyway a SCHLONG would like ’cause she’s very dexterous and she won’t mind a threesome, a foursome or a gang bang.

Yes, she’s the perfect woman ’cause she’s made of plastic. But she can also do some “real damage” to a schlong. Imagine this: Read more of this post

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