October 26, 2013 12 Comments
August 22, 2013 4 Comments
In the world of Malutopia lived an alpha male named Zeuks Strong. From his swagger and his muscles to his talent in seduction, Zeuks represented all that is manly and good in Malutopia. Zeuks along with his fellows schlongers Dionassus, Pervinsky, and Dickends worked, played and lived up to the Malutopia philosophy: Spread your seed for your need to breed. Read more of this post
July 18, 2013 17 Comments
As a single, never been married Crazy Chick I am the self-proclaimed expert on relationship exorcisms. I have performed many and I’ve helped other chicks as well
You need a relationship exorcism when:
♦ you’ve become a zombie because his mind has taken over your whole being
♦ he’s turned from being your friend and lover to being your tormentor
♦ he thinks you’re a punching bag
♦ your credit card is maxed out from charges he made to P.O.R.N. (P@ssy Open and Ready Now) Read more of this post
July 6, 2013 24 Comments
Revenge can be HOT read on to find out!
Men love to objectify women and there is a “thing” called a real doll that men can have sex with if they have a couple of thousand bucks to throw down. She’s sexy. She’s beautiful. She never gets fat ’cause she can’t eat. She never talks back ’cause she can’t speak. She never complains, criticizes or judges ’cause she can’t think. She never threatens to leave ’cause she can’t walk. She can however, be positioned in anyway a SCHLONG would like ’cause she’s very dexterous and she won’t mind a threesome, a foursome or a gang bang.
Yes, she’s the perfect woman ’cause she’s made of plastic. But she can also do some “real damage” to a schlong. Imagine this: Read more of this post
June 29, 2013 18 Comments
Hollywood loves to do remakes. But should you really mess with a good thing? Well … you know Hollywood … anything for a buck. So I wasn’t surprised when I was cruising my favorite low-down-n-dirty second hand bookstore and found these DVD titles gathering dust. So guess what I did? I bought them all! Read more of this post
April 8, 2013 21 Comments
An old post for my new readers … Enjoy
Jerkteria: A micro-organism extremely attracted to cells with low-self esteem.
Venereal Idiocy: A lapse in judgement usually due to extreme horniness.
Superficialism: The addiction to surgical procedures that reverse the sign of aging on the outside without reversing the rot on the inside.
Couchanism: One who is addicted to therapy even though they are beyond treatment.
Bedbugging: The constant poking of the person sleeping next to you to see if they’re awake.
SARS (Singles Addicted to Romantic Silliness): Single chicks who are unable to comprehend that in reality knights in shinning armor are full of rust.
ABC (Alternative Birth Control): The act of simultaneous masturbation Read more of this post
March 7, 2013 34 Comments
Wonder no more. I’m here to give you the 101:
A man who criticizes the size of a woman’s ass is actually criticizing the shortcomings of his schlong.
A man who says “I can do better than you” is actually saying “I’m not good enough for you.”
When he says “I think we should see other people” what he means is that he wants to catch an STD, but he doesn’t want to give it to you.
When you see “your new guy” in an awkward moment and he shrugs you off by saying Read more of this post
February 27, 2013 44 Comments
I had drinks with two friends from high school “E” and “N” the other day. After a round of drinks the talk as always, when three crazy chicks get together, got into relationships. Since my love life is as dry as the Sahara desert on a drought and “N‘s” been married forever, which is why she’s more interested in tech gadgets these days, the conversation turned to “E‘s” love life. Here’s the DL.
She dated this guy who gave her his email password so she can check on their hotel reservations for an upcoming vacation. First of all SCHLONGS never give a chick your password unless you REALLY have nothing to hide. Well … so what’s a girl to do with all access to her boyfriend’s email? Well …
“SNOOPYMAIL” of course” Read more of this post
February 19, 2013 22 Comments
I was at the used book store the other day when I came upon a book titled:
“The True Meaning of Words.”
People with corks up their butts have banned this book for decades, but I got my hands on it now and I’m sharing these super-fabulous words with you my dear readers. So here are some of my favorites:
Backbone: A schlong up the butt
Upbeat: A man who masturbates standing up
Brainchild: A 40-year-old man who acts like a kid
Creepologist: A professional creep
Male Enhancement: A man in touch with his feminine side!
Tadpole: A little wee schlong
Technical Virgin: A chick who’s been poked on every orifice except “one“ Read more of this post
February 9, 2013 45 Comments