Medical terms you won’t find on WebMD

An old post for my new readers … Enjoy

Jerkteria: A micro-organism extremely attracted to cells with low-self esteem.

Venereal Idiocy: A lapse in judgement usually due to extreme horniness.

Superficialism: The addiction to surgical procedures that reverse the sign of aging on the outside without reversing the rot on the inside.

Couchanism: One who is addicted to therapy even though they are beyond treatment.

Bedbugging: The constant poking of the person sleeping next to you to see if they’re awake.

SARS (Singles Addicted to Romantic Silliness): Single chicks who are unable to comprehend that in reality knights in shinning armor are full of rust.

ABC (Alternative Birth Control): The act of simultaneous masturbation

What men really mean

Ever wonder what men really mean?

Wonder no more. I’m here to give you the 101:

A man who criticizes the size of a woman’s ass is actually criticizing the shortcomings of his schlong.

A man who says “I can do better than you” is actually saying “I’m not good enough for you.”

When he says “I think we should see other people” what he means is that he wants to catch an STD, but he doesn’t want to give it to you.

When you see “your new guy” in an awkward moment and he shrugs you off by saying

Love, Betrayal and Venereal Disease over Cocktails

I had drinks with two friends from high school “E” and “N” the other day. After a round of drinks the talk as always, when three crazy chicks get together, got into relationships. Since my love life is as dry as the Sahara desert on a drought and “N‘s” been married forever, which is why she’s more interested in tech gadgets these days, the conversation turned to “E‘s” love life. Here’s the DL.

She dated this guy who gave her his email password so she can check on their hotel reservations for an upcoming vacation. First of all SCHLONGS never give a chick your password unless you REALLY have nothing to hide. Well … so what’s a girl to do with all access to her boyfriend’s email? Well …

“SNOOPYMAIL” of course”

The True Meaning of Words in the Dictionary

Wikimedia Commons

I was at the used book store the other day when I came upon a book titled:

“The True Meaning of Words.”

People with corks up their butts have banned this book for decades, but I got my hands on it now and I’m sharing these super-fabulous words with you my dear readers. So here are some of my favorites:

Backbone: A schlong up the butt

Upbeat: A man who masturbates standing up

Brainchild: A 40-year-old man who acts like a kid

Creepologist: A professional creep

Male Enhancement: A man in touch with his feminine side! 

Tadpole: A little wee schlong

Technical Virgin: A chick who’s been poked on every orifice except “one“

I Don’t Need a Man

I was talking to my friend the other day and I mentioned that I’d been in a rather moody mood. When was the last time you got any he asked. Any what? (I was playing dumb) You know … sex … he said. Oh that …Well that’s kind of a tricky question I said. That means no he said and added that’s because you’re a dragon lady.

I couldn’t argue with him on that one … it’s not the first time I’ve been called a “fire breather.”

Here Come the Girls

Here’s a guest post from my good friend Phil from For Singles and Couples blog. He’s going to share some tips for us Crazy Chicks … ENJOY!

Here come the girls…

Another year has flown by and for all the highlights and low points which have occurred we’re now back round to ‘holiday season.’
It’s usually a time with emphasis on family, with the women ‘usually’ doing the ‘lion’s share’ of planning and preparation to host family, relatives, in-laws and friends.

New Year’s Eve is just around the corner and whether you’re going to Times Square or Trafalgar Square, a house party or a club…wherever you plan to spend it, it’s a time when people generally don’t want to be alone.

Holiday Colonic

Ever had a conversation and the chat just digressed to sex? Well … I was talking to a friend about getting hydrotherapy after the holidays. Here’s how it went:

Me: I think I’m going to do hydrotherapy after the holidays.

Him: What’s that?

Me: When you get water shot up your bum!

Him: Bleech!

Me: You have lots of toxic stuff in your gut!

Him: Well I’m not getting anything going up my butt!

Me: You should … you’re probably full of shit as we speak.

Is it the Man’s Fault?

Is it the man’s fault …

if he can’t keep his schlong in his pants?

if he says he’ll call and never does?

if he says he’s single, but he’s got the baggage of a wife and three kids?

if he’s broke ’cause he’s too lazy to work?

if he’s not ready for a commitment, but he’s committed to a

Single Chick’s Grocery List

What’s in your grocery list?

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Join the B.A.D Club

© 2011 Lafemmeroar

How to Conduct a Relationship Exorcism

As a single, never been married Crazy Chick I am the self-proclaimed expert on relationship exorcisms. I have performed many and I’ve helped other chicks as well

You need a relationship exorcism when:

♦ you’ve become a zombie because his mind has taken over your whole being

♦ he’s turned from being your friend and lover to being your tormentor

♦ he thinks you’re a punching bag

♦ your credit card is maxed out from charges he made to P.O.R.N. (P@ssy Open and Ready Now)