The True Meaning of Words in the Dictionary

Wikimedia Commons

Wikimedia Commons

I was at the used book store the other day when I came upon a book titled:

The True Meaning of Words.”

People with corks up their butts have banned this book for decades, but I got my hands on it now and I’m sharing these super-fabulous words with you my dear readers. So here are some of my favorites:

Backbone: A schlong up the butt

Upbeat: A man who masturbates standing up

Brainchild: A 40-year-old man who acts like a kid

Creepologist: A professional creep

Male Enhancement: A man in touch with his feminine side! 

Tadpole: A little wee schlong

Technical Virgin: A chick who’s been poked on every orifice except “one Read more of this post

Love, Betrayal and Venereal Disease over Cocktails

Screen Shot 2011-10-04 at 11.25.58 PMI had drinks with two friends from high school “E” and “N” the other day. After a round of drinks the talk as always, when three crazy chicks get together, got into relationships. Since my love life is as dry as the Sahara desert on a drought and “N‘s” been married forever, which is why she’s more interested in tech gadgets these days, the conversation turned to “E‘s” love life. Here’s the DL.

She dated this guy who gave her his email password so she can check on their hotel reservations for an upcoming vacation. First of all SCHLONGS never give a chick your password unless you REALLY have nothing to hide. Well … so what’s a girl to do with all access to her boyfriend’s email? Well …

“SNOOPYMAIL” of course” Read more of this post

The True Meaning of Words in the Dictionary

Wikimedia Commons

Wikimedia Commons

I was at the used book store the other day when I came upon a book titled:

The True Meaning of Words.”

People with corks up their butts have banned this book for decades, but I got my hands on it now and I’m sharing these super-fabulous words with you my dear readers. So here are some of my favorites:

Backbone: A schlong up the butt

Upbeat: A man who masturbates standing up

Brainchild: A 40-year-old man who acts like a kid

Creepologist: A professional creep

Male Enhancement: A man in touch with his feminine side! 

Tadpole: A little wee schlong

Technical Virgin: A chick who’s been poked on every orifice except “one Read more of this post

Holiday Colonic

Ever had a conversation and the chat just digressed to sex? Well … I was talking to a friend about getting hydrotherapy after the holidays. Here’s how it went:

Me: I think I’m going to do hydrotherapy after the holidays.

Him: What’s that?

Me: When you get water shot up your bum!

Him: Bleech!

Me: You have lots of toxic stuff in your gut!

Him: Well I’m not getting anything going up my butt!

Me: You should … you’re probably full of shit as we speak. Read more of this post

New Invention for Men and Their Schlongs

A product called Schlong Again aka “Penilitusmonami” is now rampant on the market without FDA approval! Invented by Dr. John Boy Penisless, Schlong Glue does as the name suggests … it glues back the schlongs of men whose tools of love have been “Lorena Bobbitted.”

Next time you see a new Schlong, check if it’s been previously dismembered by doing one of these 3 things: Read more of this post

Winter Sex Tips

When the weather is nipple pinching and schlong shrinking cold, here are some tips for heating things up in the boudoir.

A pair of Uggs make sexy fashion sense. Imagine your toasty feet dangling up in the air in a pair of these.

When he wants to blow sweet nothings in your ear tell him to put the blow of the heater down your way instead. There’s nothing like a gush of warm air to rev up your girly parts.

If you’re into BDSM switch the handcuffs for a warm pair of furrycuffs.

Read more of this post

My Most Popular Post

Dear Readers,

I recently took a look at my top posts and noticed that “Sex Addiction and Real Dolls” has had the most views, but not a lot of comments. So I’m sharing the article on this post so new readers can take a gander at what my noodle was thinking about last July. Let me know what you think.

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© 2011 Lafemmeroar

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