What men really mean

Ever wonder what men really mean?

Wonder no more. I’m here to give you the 101:

A man who criticizes the size of a woman’s ass is actually criticizing the shortcomings of his schlong.

A man who says “I can do better than you” is actually saying “I’m not good enough for you.”

When he says “I think we should see other people” what he means is that he wants to catch an STD, but he doesn’t want to give it to you.

When you see “your new guy” in an awkward moment and he shrugs you off by saying

Is it the Man’s Fault?

Is it the man’s fault …

if he can’t keep his schlong in his pants?

if he says he’ll call and never does?

if he says he’s single, but he’s got the baggage of a wife and three kids?

if he’s broke ’cause he’s too lazy to work?

if he’s not ready for a commitment, but he’s committed to a

Disadvantage of a Hybrid Cougar

An old post for my new readers. Enjoy!

Cheap booze poured from the bar like a broken fire hydrant on a summer’s day. Music boomed and thirsty patrons in this local watering hole laughed, drank and devoured happy hour tid bits.  So, there I was sitting at the bar enjoying a few laughs with a couple of friends when I saw a vision. I couldn’t take my eyes off the woman who came into the bar.

She looked like a cross between Angelyne (the Hollywood icon known for driving a Pink Cadillac)

Wikimedia Commons

and

New Invention for Men and Their Schlongs

A product called Schlong Again aka “Penilitusmonami” is now rampant on the market without FDA approval! Invented by Dr. John Boy Penisless, Schlong Glue does as the name suggests … it glues back the schlongs of men whose tools of love have been “Lorena Bobbitted.”

Next time you see a new Schlong, check if it’s been previously dismembered by doing one of these 3 things:

What men really mean

Ever wonder what men really mean?

Wonder no more. I’m here to give you the 101:

A man who criticizes the size of a woman’s ass is actually criticizing the shortcomings of his schlong.

A man who says “I can do better than you” is actually saying “I’m not good enough for you.”

When he says “I think we should see other people” what he means is that he wants to catch an STD, but he doesn’t want to give it to you.

When you see “your new guy” in an awkward moment and he shrugs you off by saying

Winter Sex Tips

When the weather is nipple pinching and schlong shrinking cold, here are some tips for heating things up in the boudoir.

A pair of Uggs make sexy fashion sense. Imagine your toasty feet dangling up in the air in a pair of these.

When he wants to blow sweet nothings in your ear tell him to put the blow of the heater down your way instead. There’s nothing like a gush of warm air to rev up your girly parts.

If you’re into BDSM switch the handcuffs for a warm pair of furrycuffs.

How Sex Can Ruin You

Wikimedia Commons -originally posted to Flickr as Love in Wiesbaden-Jacob Appelbaum

We all want it. Even when we don’t have anyone to do it with we want it even more. Yes … SEX … that yearning … that itch that needs to be scratched.

That old adage that masturbation is sex with someone “I” love is true. I love me, but sometimes I want someone (that doesn’t require batteries) to “love” me. But I’m not the casual sex type even though my noodle has truly freaky sexy scenarios going on 24/7. But fantasy only goes so far. Even real vanilla sex is more scintillating than the imagined kind.

But I do have a problem.

Female Sexuality–The Mind and Body Discrepancy

My serious and most revealing post– in case you missed it. 

Wikimedia Commons/Kos

 

I’m a paradox. A reader recently commented on my inconsistent ramblings and his comment inspired me to explore my noodle. Since I am contradictory in so many ways I decided to ruminate on an interesting subject–SEX.

I have certain thought proclivities that I’ve never acted out, but they are constant in giving me a “happy ending.” I’ve never converged fantasy and reality, and I believe that this “mental constraint” is part of my incongruous nature.

So I did some research and found an interesting article from  Read more

Nominated for Best Humor Blog at Bloggers Choice Awards. Please vote

Join the Crazy Freaks Club.

Visit my fan page on Facebook.

© 2011 Lafemmeroar

What Does a Man Want?

What Does a Woman Want? was one of my most commented posts and it showed my contradictory nature. The post in a way posed more questions than it did answers to the desire of women. I realized that life is too ironic …

Now my noodle is ticking on the thoughts of what a man wants.

Even though I lack the genitals to answer this question I will still attempt to do so because I feel like gender bending today.

a man wants:

to bang as many chicks as he can before settling down– what happens if his schlong does decide to settle down because it’s all “banged out”?

wants to be worshiped and adored–what if his worshippers are all stalkers and loons?

to date really cheap hos–is it because hos charge by the hour?

Sexual Manifesto of a Single Woman

Sexual Manifesto of a Single Woman. An old post that new readers might enjoy

I refuse to be promiscuous. I’m a serial monogamist and I can still count my partners in my head even though I’d like to forget about some of them.

I refuse to pay for sex, but I’ve paid in non-monetary ways through aggravation, misery, heartache and time.

I believe in ladies first. Selfish men are made forreal dolls not real women.

I don’t mind bondage so long as I’m the one with the free hands and feet.