Shopping for a Man

A conversation with a friend about men gave me a new perspective about my single and never been wed-locked status.

BFF: We need to look for a man the way we shop for purses.

Lafemme: You mean find one on sale?

BFF: Yes. We need to find a good bargain but instead of looking for leather we need to look for good schlongs (she got that term from me).

The idea did make a lot of sense. After all I’m a great shopper. And if I were to apply my bargain shopping skills to schlong man shopping  I just might hit the jackpot! Is it possible? Could this be my year of finding “The Perfect Schlong” Mr. Right? After all ”Sale” doesn’t mean damaged:

Dating Tips for Men

In the past I’ve given many chicks tips on how to laugh at the chaos, but now is the time to write a post dedicated to all the men out there.

Here are some tips on how to get out of sticky situations when it comes to the opposite sex. 

Next time a chick you’ve had sex with comes up to you and you just can’t remember her name tell her that you suffer from “Namenesia” the inability to remember names. Tell them that constant physical intimacy is part of the cure and you’re looking for a volunteer.

When you’re out on a date and want to weasel out of the check, just tell your date that you have “Nomullah” disease, which is the condition of never having any money. A chick with a heart of gold would be more than happy to throw down some dough for your steak dinner.

If your girlfriend gives you an ultimatum about commitment, tell her that you have “RPS” (Relationship Palpitation Syndrome), a condition that gives you heart pains when you hear the words: commitment, relationship, monogamy, marriage, exclusivity and etc. The only cure for this ailment is patience and understanding on her part and lots of sex with other women and

The Harmony and the Malfunctions

As I reflect on my life this year, I have much to be thankful for. I have my family and friends. I have my writing and ♥you my readers♥.  ”You” are the harmony in my universe.

And I still have HOPE that I will find someone to love.

I, however,  AM NOT THANKFUL FOR these MALFUNCTIONS:

Beautiful shoes and handbags that NEVER go on sale

The CARBS in mashed potatoes

Wikimedia Commons – PDPhoto.org

How my alarm clock always goes off when I’m dreaming about “fantasy man” just before my happy ending

Sexual Manifesto of a Single Woman

Sexual Manifesto of a Single Woman. An old post that new readers might enjoy

I refuse to be promiscuous. I’m a serial monogamist and I can still count my partners in my head even though I’d like to forget about some of them.

I refuse to pay for sex, but I’ve paid in non-monetary ways through aggravation, misery, heartache and time.

I believe in ladies first. Selfish men are made forreal dolls not real women.

I don’t mind bondage so long as I’m the one with the free hands and feet. 

Just Humor Me …

Okay friends, here’s another listing of some of my favorite posts that you might have missed.

The Art of Aging Gracefully

You can’t fight gravity and nature …

You Don’t Have to be a Star to Deserve My Love

You need to click on this if for no other reason than to see the video by Marilyn McCoo and Billy Davis Jr. singing one of my favorite songs.

Disadvantage of a Hybrid Cougar

I ain’t talking about cars and animals …

Nominated for Best Humor Blog at Bloggers Choice Awards. Please vote

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Click here if you’re a Crazy Freak.

Visit my fan page on Facebook.

© 2011 Lafemmeroar

My Funny Insanity

Here are some previous posts you may have missed. Enjoy … 

Meditation schmeditation: I know a better way to relax: A very effective way to release the tension.

Questions I asked Mommy and Daddy: I asked lots of questions, but in retrospect I don’t think I ever got any straight answers.

The Horny Pooch and My Wardrobe Malfunction: This one you just have to read!

Translations at the Nail Salon: Sometimes it’s best not to know what other people are talking about.

Confessions of a former snooper: Have you ever snooped and wished that you hadn’t?

Don’t Flirt on my Time: This post depicts customer service at its worst.

Nominated for Best Humor Blog at Bloggers Choice Awards. Please vote 

Join the Crazy Chicks Club.

Click here if you’re a Crazy Freak.

Visit my fan page on Facebook.

© 2011 Lafemmeroar

The Break-up Letter from my Secret Lover

Wikimedia Commons - Chase William Merritt Modern Magdalen 1888

Sadly, I found this letter on my bed this morning:

Dear L.

It wouldn’t be fair for me say goodbye without telling you why. We’ve shared many clandestine days and nights that I’ll never forget. In times of trouble and loneliness I gave you sweetness and light. In times of boredom, I entertained you. I always gave you

What Does a Woman Want?

She wants men to stop looking at her tits and ass and look at the goodness of her soul.

She wants to be a sexual object in bed and a respected partner in life.

She wants a little help with the kids.

She wants to soak in the tub without your

Life Expectancies of the Single Woman

Wikimedia Commons/Life.com

Life is a daily surprise. Just when you think you’ve got your future planned, fate throws in a monkey wrench wrecking the synchronicity of your world order. If you thought that you’d find your true love by now, but it hasn’t happened yet, don’t fret. I can’t predict your life expectancy, but I can predict what you can expect when you are single.

Sexual Manifesto of a Single Woman

I refuse to be promiscuous. I’m a serial monogamist and I can still count my partners in my head even though I’d like to forget about some of them.

I refuse to pay for sex, but I’ve paid in non-monetary ways through aggravation, misery, heartache and time.

I believe in ladies first. Selfish men are made for