Medical terms you won’t find on WebMD

An old post for my new readers … Enjoy

Jerkteria: A micro-organism extremely attracted to cells with low-self esteem.

Venereal Idiocy: A lapse in judgement usually due to extreme horniness.

Superficialism: The addiction to surgical procedures that reverse the sign of aging on the outside without reversing the rot on the inside.

Couchanism: One who is addicted to therapy even though they are beyond treatment.

Bedbugging: The constant poking of the person sleeping next to you to see if they’re awake.

SARS (Singles Addicted to Romantic Silliness): Single chicks who are unable to comprehend that in reality knights in shinning armor are full of rust.

ABC (Alternative Birth Control): The act of simultaneous masturbation

The True Meaning of Words in the Dictionary

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I was at the used book store the other day when I came upon a book titled:

“The True Meaning of Words.”

People with corks up their butts have banned this book for decades, but I got my hands on it now and I’m sharing these super-fabulous words with you my dear readers. So here are some of my favorites:

Backbone: A schlong up the butt

Upbeat: A man who masturbates standing up

Brainchild: A 40-year-old man who acts like a kid

Creepologist: A professional creep

Male Enhancement: A man in touch with his feminine side! 

Tadpole: A little wee schlong

Technical Virgin: A chick who’s been poked on every orifice except “one“

Insulting Blog Comments Make Me Wanna Rant

The other day, a commentator from another blog called me “immature” and “vapid.” This was because “said” blog  posted a “rebuttal” about one of my posts.

If you’re thinking why is Lafemme being so cryptic?

We want to know what post she’s talking about!

Well … let me just say that the post in reference had nothing to do with “schlong whackings” in fact it was a rather sweet post about a man’s love … investigative noodles will figure this out. Anyway, I was okay with the “immature” comment since I’ve always believed that I’m a “mental” 12 year old … my noodle just refuses to EVOLVE.

I’ve been 12 for decades!

BUT VAPID? First I didn’t know what the hell that word meant, but all I know is that I felt soooooo

Wordplay the Crazy Chick Way

What do you call a man who cheats and says he’ll never do it again? A mono-two-timer

What do you call a friend who is not really your friend? A faux-pal

What do you call a woman who keeps returning over and over again to the man who constantly cheats on her? A Sissy-phussy

What do you call a shopaholic? Maxed-out!

What do you call someone addicted to porn? Cantgetnone

What do you call someone addicted to exercise? A sweataholic

What do you call a buffet table when you’re on a diet?

The Writing Life

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Writing is like a sadomasochistic relationship with myself. It is excruciating and orgasmic. I write because I never thought I could do it and I’m trying to attain my potential through words and ideas that I hope will bring joy to someone who stumbles upon my nook in this digital world.

Twisted Crossed Words and Coined Phrases

What do you get when you cross a cat and a dog?

A catty bitch

What’s a crazy person who thinks they’re sane?

A logical loon

What do you do when you see a woman with PMS?

Hide

What do you call a bath in the land of King Midas?

Medical terms you won’t find on WebMD

Jerkteria: A micro-organism extremely attracted to cells with low-self esteem.

Venereal Idiocy: A lapse in judgement usually due to extreme horniness.

Superficialism: The addiction to surgical procedures that reverse the sign of aging on the outside without reversing the rot on the inside.

Couchanism: One who is addicted to therapy even though they are beyond treatment.

Bedbugging: The constant poking of the person sleeping next to you to see if they’re awake.

SARS (Singles Addicted to Romantic Silliness): Single chicks who are unable to comprehend that in reality knights in shinning armor are full of rust.

ABC (Alternative Birth Control): The act of simultaneous masturbation

New Words in the English Dictionary

Here are the latest words added to the English Dictionary: 

Cougarland: A place for cougars, usually a frat party or sports bar, to find no strings sex with a younger guy. “Ladies pack lots of condoms, we’re going to Cougarland … yay … yay … yay!”

Yeah Right: A pseudo documentary where producers put wackos in contrived life situations that will bring the diarrhea out of their personalities. “The stench of television is due to the extreme popularity of Yeah Rights.”

TUT (TotallyUn-Talented): A term used to describe television personalities devoid of artistic or intellectual value. “I put my brain in a jar when I watch TUTs on the “A-List New York.” or “The Kardashians received the TUT statue for outstanding stupidity at the First Annual Yeah Rights Awards.”

False Hope: Products that claim to transform a schlong the size of a crayon

Screwing with Words

Time for some silliness 

What do you call a …

♦ tween with a sweet tooth? Hyper-texter

♦ prisoner of love? Unhappy spouse

♦ man with a harem? Viagra King

♦ needy person who nags? Clinging whiner

♦ person with no manners? Social retard

♦ horny drunk chick?