Hot Yoga, Doritos and Stinky Cutie

In my never-ending quest to maintain my, zaftig figure, I signed up for a hot yoga class. My friend said that it was the best thing she’s ever done and that I should do it because I’d love it too. I’ve exercised doing yoga before with videos, but I had never taken a class.

I went armed with my yoga mat, a towel and a humongous bottle of frozen water since I was going to be in a 100 degree room for the next hour and a half stretching, bending, balancing, detoxifying and generally finding peace and balance. Actually, screw the peace and balance part, I wanted to sweat out the pounds.

Well dear readers, my olfactory sense is super cunning and I can smell “stink” before it hits the air and believe me when I say that the toxic smell of feet unfortunately reminds me of Doritos. It was a Doritos factory in that hot yoga studio. Was the smell coming from the feet or the carpet? What’s the difference?

I wanted to get out of there, but I thought about the twenty dollars I paid to take the class so I braved it. It was a full class, but I found a  spot in the back. A few minutes later this dark-haired cutie plants himself right in front of me. Things were looking up when he smiled at me; I smiled back. Then he took off his sneakers and holy “beegeezuz” the fumes from the sour stench of feet had hit the hot air waves. My smile turned into a grimace. My new Romeo had turned into a stinky cutie. But it was feet after all. I couldn’t really fault him for that. After all I’m sure mine didn’t smell like roses either. But I, at least, had the foresight to wear flip-flops and let my feet breath.

The class began.  I had gotten used to the stale Doritos smell and as long as  stinky cutie didn’t stick his feet up in the air and in front of me I’d be okay. I wasn’t taking deep breaths like you’re supposed to though.  Twenty minutes into the class I was sweating but okay. We had started the down dog position which I was very familiar with (if you know what I mean) and transitioned that into the upward dog (something I wasn’t very familiar with).  Then the instructor got on her hands and knees for the modified cat pose, which meant sticking one foot out and balancing yourself.

And there it was before me. From heel to toes was his right foot in all its “stenchly” glory. I gasped, then something went down the wrong pipe and I began to cough one of those uncontrollable whooping coughs that happens just when everyone is quiet and concentrating. He turned around, I thought with apparent concern, but the look on his face said something else. I had disturbed him. I had distracted his search for balance and harmony. Maybe you need to take that outside stinky MILK said (yes, I had just downgraded him from cutie to Man I’d Like to Kick). Outside did he say? The nerve. Well I had no choice. I packed up my stuff, slipped on my flip flops and prepared my exit, but not before I gave a slight kick to his sneakers and said, “Odor eaters.”



© 2011 Lafemmeroar

About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

12 Responses to Hot Yoga, Doritos and Stinky Cutie

  1. effeuiller says:

    LOL! I throughly enjoyed this misadventure in yoga. I’m intrigued by the ‘Hot Yoga’ session, as I’ve never heard of that before. Yoga in a sauna? I’m surprised people don’t pass out during that! Especially if it’s yoga in a smelly sauna.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Not a sauna. A heated room. You’ll sweat lik a pig (just don’t stink like one). I want to do it again, but another studio. Check in your area for hot yoga. Its’ good because the muscles loosen up in the heat and you can go further with stretches. Plus it sweats the toxins out of your skin.

      • effeuiller says:

        Yes, I figured it wasn’t in a real sauna, I was attempting some wit there, but it doesn’t always come across. 🙂 Since I’ve never taken even a regular yoga class, I’m not sure it would be too good to start off with Hot Yoga, but on the other hand, it sounds revitalizing, so maybe I will!

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          Some studios warm up the room, but not as hot. I remember taking a class at the local YWCA years ago. The room felt warm, but not hot. Give it a try. The thing with yoga is to not force the stretches. You still get the same benefits without forcing it. BTW, sometimes I’m such a twit that I can’t get other people’s wit. Sorry about that. 🙂

  2. taradancer says:

    Laugh out loud funny – I’ve been browsing through your posts and having a right old chuckle along the way. Keep up the great writing 🙂

  3. mzuritam says:

    I love Yoga, but I’ve always done it by myself at home so I can imagine being loosely graceful like the ladies on the DVd and not being told by my neighbor that my knees aren’t straight enough or I’m not arched enough…imagination isn’t perfect but it is beautiful.

  4. You need to see my poem about yoga, because it’s a different subject, but you’ll get it. Also, stinky feet? YUCK. Nothing worse, except maybe when I used to be really fat and I could smell myself from under the folds in my skin, eeeeeeeew. Embarrassing to the max. Anyway, here goes:
    Namaste, sister, Amy

  5. veehcirra says:

    LOL what a class, can just imagine the horror so sorry for that. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. I love yoga, have never done it before just purchased a DVD want to learn…

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Yoga is great. I learned through DVDs as well. There is also a great site called Yoga Journal. They have loads of info and streaming videos. Thanks for visiting … come back soon 🙂

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