Proud to be a Bitch

Ever been called a bitch and felt insulted?

I just got home from the grocery store where I was “debating” with an obstinate cashier over the price of Haagen Dazs Coffee ice cream. I told him that it was two for five dollars and he claimed that it wasn’t. So the cashier sent the bagger to do a price check. While we were waiting, the man behind me insisted that I should let him go ahead of me in line since he only had one item, a big bottle of Jim Beam. His breath stank of alcohol and he smelled beyond ripe.

Since I did have a cart full of groceries, I was about to let him pass. But when he remarked that I had held up the line for a food item that I didn’t really need anyway, I stood my ground and didn’t move an inch. The nerve of this short and stout idiot who looked like Sponge-Bob in dirty jeans and t-shirt.

Then he uttered the word. The word that triggered my inner assertiveness and reminded me that I am a:

Bold Intelligent and Tantalizingly Curvaceous Heroic woman who stands her ground.

I said that if he were in such a hurry to buy his liver killer, then he can go to the liquor store next door. Bitch he said again. Then I called him a DAD and he said huh and I said you are a Disgusting Alcoholic Dumbo.

It turns out that I was right about the Hagen Dazs so I told the cashier to wait because I was going back for two more tubs. After I paid for my groceries, I asked for an escort out because I feared for my safety. I was afraid that the angry alcoholic would accost me on my way to my car.  Then I commented that should they really be selling alcohol to someone who is clearly (at least in my estimation) drunk? I don’t know if the DAD got his Jim Beam, but I certainly got a lot of satisfaction in that exchange.

In honor of all bitches out there just like me, here’s a song for you by Meredith Brooks.

Bitchilly yours,

Lafemmeroar

© 2011 Lafemmeroar


About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

7 Responses to Proud to be a Bitch

  1. I always feel satisfied when people call me a bitch. I don’t think being a strong, independent woman who isn’t afraid of backing down/won’t let people walk all over her is such a bad thing.

    • lafemmeroar says:

      It’s an orgasmic feeling to be a bitch sometimes. I always try to see the other side of the argument, but when I know I’m right … that’s when the B.I.T.C.H. comes out.

  2. Pingback: Do you need a man? « Lafemmeroar's Blog

  3. Ugly Shoelace says:

    Haha. I love your blog.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      From one bitch to another kindred soul, thank you very much 🙂

  4. LaFemme, you rock! I have to admit, once a creepy guy was inching up on me, really invading my space, and same thing, he was holding a 12-pack of beer and belching. Well, one whiff of that and I said, “Excuse me, but if you’re gonna burp, can you put a little space between us? I don’t want you to get anything on my dress.” He called me a bitch and moved closer.

    I already had a fart saved up, so I let go just for him!!! Oh, the satisfaction when he took about five steps back. Amy

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      lmao … you let one rip in public? oooh I hope it smelled like rotten eggs for the rotten guy behind you. I hate it when stinky guys go near you. I wish people could respect other people’s space and I wish people could smell their own stink. Thanks for stopping by 🙂

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