Four Types of Femme Fatales

A recent conversation with a very distraught and angry friend got me thinking about the damage women can do to men. Recently dumped by his girlfriend he ranted about how women are nothing but sneaky, gold digging liars who destroy men’s lives. I didn’t argue over his generalization or that he was talking to a woman. He was in too much pain to be challenged. Basically, he bought her a new car, new boobs, a new nose and now she’s got a new man. She was a goddamn femme fatale he said. I had met the woman. So, I told him about the four types of femme fatale and since he’s a film buff I used a few movie references to support my descriptions.

The Classic Femme Fatale in film noir seduces the man to commit the crime. In “Double Indemnity” Barbara Stanwyck two-times Fred MacMurray, but not before she convinces him to murder her husband. He couldn’t resist her so he killed for her. Classic femmes use their sexuality to compromise a man’s morality and ethics for a piece of prime tail that these men unknowingly have to share.

Homicide lurks beneath the quirky exterior of the Funny Femme Fatale. Remember “milfy” Kathleen Turner in “Serial Mom”? She impaled her daughter’s boyfriend with a fireplace poker when he stood her up. This type of femme will make you laugh then turn you into a kebab.

Unlikely femme fatales look innocent and they’ll “boo-hoo” their way into your heartstrings. Mia Farrow as the mousy Daisy Buchanan in “The Great Gatsby” turned on Gatsby’s (Robert Redford) hero to the rescue mode. Gatsby ends up dead in his own pool and Daisy goes back to her husband. This type of woman will put you in the soup pot then forget about you when you’re cooked.

The Bad Ass Femme Fatale is a do-it-herself type of gal. Uma Thurman as the bride out for revenge, in “Kill Bill” knows how to wield a sword and she’ll massacre a restaurant full of foes and anybody else that’s done her wrong. She’ll slaughter you like a piece of meat, then tenderize you with a karate chop followed by a swift kick.

He contemplated my explanation and said that the bitch wasn’t like any of those women. She was too dumb to be that cunning and too weak to do any physical damage he said drying his eyes. In fact I can replace her just like that he said snapping his fingers. That’s the spirit I said. See it’s not that bad I continued. He nodded and kept on repeating the word “dumb bitch.” I’m not opposed to the word bitch, but preface it with “dumb” and I get irked. So, I said look at it this way you’re alive and you’re not in jail; you were just dumber than she was.


About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

4 Responses to Four Types of Femme Fatales

  1. The T says:

    The sweetest women I have ever known is also the most cold hearted calculating bitch I’ve ever seen, I am fortunate that I barely survived her…. Karma will locate her soon… I hope Karma dances over her life for a while…she needs that lesson….

    Oh BTW, this is a great post!


    • lafemmeroar says:

      Thanks T. Men and women can be great, crazy, insane, mean and indifferent. I’m an equal opportunity critic of the sexes. Part of surviving heartache is to indulge. And from what I’ve read in your posts, you’re pretty honest with your women in terms of your “commitment level.” That’s cool. And btw, when you “fall” you’re going to fall hard!

  2. Aurora says:

    Love that last line, LFR. Punchy work, once again 🙂 I shall just insert another word for b*tch lol but who knows, tomorrow is another day and yet another dud, I mean stud LOL

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