Things a Virgin Would Say
May 23, 2011 19 Comments
No it doesn’t hurt. Is it in already?
You need to wine and dine me before you can jump and grind me.
Anal sex? I thought you meant the annals of sex.
I just realized that I like women.
Hold on. Let me get drunk first.
High maintenance? I like to think of it as quality assurance.
My jaw is tired. How long is foreplay supposed to last?
Isn’t foreplay supposed to get me in the mood?
I’m a level four virgin. I’ve done everything but come. I’m hoping you can make me a level five.
Oh God? Isn’t that what nuns say when they masturbate?
I think I like doing it by myself better.
I thought oral sex meant talking dirty.
I’m picky to the point that I just can’t be picky anymore.
My body is like a temple. It needs lots of gifts before entrance
I braided it so it doesn’t get in the way.
Just ignore the cobwebs.
What kind of virgin would you like me to be?
That wasn’t a yawn; that was a silent moan.
I’m yours . . . forever and ever and ever and ever and ever. Wait, where are you going?
I’ve never been with a man, but I’ve kissed a lot of women.
I thought it was supposed to be ladies first.
I’m married to God, but I’m open to fooling around.
I’ve never touched a penis in my life, but I’ve kissed plenty.
I just want you know that I’ve watched a lot of porn.
Happy Monday Everybody,