Don’t Flirt on my Time

Patience is a virtue but not when I’m in line at Starbucks. I should have gone to the drive through, but the angel in me said that I should park and walk it because I could use the “exercise.” Big mistake … I walk into a long line. I hate lines and couple that with the slow as snail baristas and my patience melts away like a glacier in hell. While waiting I try to entertain myself with the knick knacks on the shelves and ponder the logic of buying a coffee maker there when I can buy a cheaper one at Target or Wal-Mart.

Hallelujah I’m next. Only the chick (flashing silicone cleavage I’m sure) in front of me is flirting with the order taker (or whatever it is they are called). They’re talking about clubbing, partying and other mindless “ing” activities while the last person in line (me) is  chomping at the bits for her caffeine fix. The guy behind the counter sees me, but continues chatting it up with S.O.S. (slut on a stick). I entertain thoughts of clobbering him with a plastic mug on sale for 30% off. He looks at me again and she looks at me. My existence doesn’t clamp their trap though. They continue their “discourse” and I continue standing there like an idiot. She flips her hair (give me some scissors so I can chop off those extensions so she’ll never be able to flip again); he laughs, she laughs and I’m freakin’ fuming.

It’s clear that they have some kind of “connection.” While I am not averse to flirting or blossoming romance I am averse when it is done on my time and while I’m waiting in line. Why should I suffer for their lust connection? I mean I’m not getting anything out of it but aggravation.

He picks up a napkin and scribbles something (maybe his number or email ““) and I’m thinking the only thing he should be scribbling is my name on a venti cup. Then she scribbles something (maybe her number or email ““). Finally I clear my throat to voice my existence. The guy behind the counter finally acknowledges my presence with a pointed index finger signaling for me to wait. Is he serious? Is he really getting paid to flirt while paying customers stand there waiting to order their over-priced caffeine fix? What kind of malfunction of the universe was I in?

By this time I’m feeling like a homicidal maniac, but I do nothing. It’s a blessing there is no thought police as I would have surely been hauled off to Bedlam. The chick finally leaves, he studies her ass wiggling away. Then he looks at me and says sorry about that what can I get you. Sorry? He’s sorry? I still had my tight grip on the plastic mug and imagined once more whacking him on the head with it. What an orgasmic thought, but in reality I’d either be sued or jailed. So I say venti soy caramel macchiato. I give him my name, he mis-spells it, I pay and by the time I get my order I’m so revved up that the last thing I need is caffeine. Patience is not a virtue and I was beginning to feel the toxins building up inside me because I kept my mouth shut instead of really giving it to him.

As I’m walking to my car I remind myself not to let the little things upset me. There are other ways to vent. When I arrived home I immediately got on Yelp and left that Starbucks the nastiest review and named the culprit of my bad experience.

Dear readers as much as I yearn to find my true one and only in life, one thing I promise is that I will never hold up any line so I can flirt with some dumbo behind the counter.

Revved up and ready to clobber the world,


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© 2011 Lafemmeroar

About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

46 Responses to Don’t Flirt on my Time

  1. Alexandra says:

    Man,you are funny.

    And,yes, people have started to think it’s all about “me the planet me me all the time, revolve around me, people.”

    high five, sister.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Yeah, when I was about seven I thought the world revolved around me. Do you think young people today have regressed? And right back at ya sister 🙂

  2. Alexandra says:

    Also? so glad I subscribe to you

  3. I toooootally understand this. I have been stuck waiting for things that should have taken all of five seconds because people are flirting with the worker. One of the worst stories I have was when I worked in the my university Controller’s Office. Some guy kept insisting on flirting with me even though I was clearly saying “next.” The power had gone out, our A/C didn’t come back on, we were working with the lights off to keep things cool, and this jerk wanted to look at my boobs instead of letting me help get the line of angry people through. It took everything in me to keep from telling him he was blowing any minimal chance he’d had!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      You know something … I didn’t even think of saying “Next.” All I could do was fake a cough …. what the hell was wrong with me? lolol Another thing I hate is when they’re flirting/talking whatever and the person is just about to leave then the dumbo behind the counter says something and they start chatting for another eon. The guy flirting with you … did you think he was cute? 🙂

  4. Secret says:

    You make me so glad to be normal. I honestly thought I was the ONLY person who felt this way about things like this. You know what, you really do make me feel normal. And I think all of us normal people should be allowed to voice our frustrations. Maybe if we did, this world would be a little more functional. But then I am still a believer in common sense. Great post!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thank you Secret. Yeah, us “normals” need to stick together. Another thing … have you ever been in traffic and felt like doing a “postal” on the other cars? I haven’t … I just yell out my frustrations inside my car and once this woman saw me. I was embarrassed at first, then she gave me a thumbs up … I guess she felt the same way I did.

  5. I may never flirt in public again and hold up a line.
    Oh, that’s not true! I will. I’m a married tart. 😉

  6. magsx2 says:

    I know exactly how you felt. It’s good that you left a review, you never know something may come of it. I think I most probably would of said something, like how about you move to one side, let me get served, and after that you can continue, or something along those lines. These days it seems that people do only care about themselves and don’t give a thought about others, I fear this is surely getting worse as time goes on.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Sometimes I get brassy and sometimes I keep it in. This is why I need to roar on my blog …. lolol … I hope they get together and make each other miserable for at least two weeks 🙂

  7. I know what you mean. I sometimes get so annoyed with that sort of thing that I worried I’m going to have a stroke before I’m even 30.

  8. hollyjb says:

    I used to work at McDonald’s and I know that it’s the not the same caliber as Starbucks, but if you don’t mind simple, the coffee’s not bad. Anyway, back on topic. If any one of us would have done that we would have been in so much trouble from our managers. At our store it was all about keeping things clean, and having fast and friendly service. Yes, things went wrong and customers got angry, but we were I the top 10 or 5 stores in Canada (or Ontario, I can’t remember :S). Not that that’s important, except to say that if I would have been working with that guy I would have clobbered him myself!!!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I used to work for McDonald’s corporate office in the advertising department eons ago. I was a secretary and yes, McDs runs a tight ship!!!!! I wasn’t in operations, but back then store managers (who dreamed of landing a job in corporate) watched store employees like a hawk. The annoying part of Starbucks guys was how oblivious he was ( the chick SOS was just a customer. I couldn’t put too much blame on her but she annoyed me too).

      • hollyjb says:

        I feel that customers can be (not always, but can be) just as much to blame for bad service and the people serving them. If you don’t know what you want or how you want it, wait off to the side until you figure it out. Sometimes it’s hard to get rid of customers who want to talk w/o being rude. ‘I’m sorry, but there’s another customer behind you, you need to STOP TALKING TO ME!’ I had that happen. Or when you’re in the drive-thru and it’s clear to the person at the window that you’re trying to take an order at the speaker, but they won’t stop asking you for directions and you’re trying not to be rude, but really, you can’t handle two completely different conversations at the wrong time.

        Sorry, I have to be careful not to really let loose while ranting about customers. I’ve been told I need to write a ‘Drive-Thru Etiquette for Dummies’ book.

    • hollyjb says:

      Or I can do both! It can start out as blog posts….

  9. effeuiller says:

    Haha, you are nicer than I am. When the guy finally got around to serving me, I would have said something like, “Oh yes, I’d like a so-and-so, and while I am waiting, could I speak to your manager? Thank you so much,” and flashed an evil smile.

    As someone who used to work in customer service, seeing bad service gets my temper rising.

  10. omawarisan says:

    Auuugh…..yeah, are you sure you can see me, because I was clearly invisible for the last 5 minutes? Maybe you should get me someone who can see me to take my order

  11. Stewie says:

    I would have just shouted my order to him, plain and simple. You havemore patirnce than me!

    Oh, and I have clicked on some thumbs ups to comments as I like them too, but it seems that other people have yet to catch on. 🙂

  12. asyuli4211 says:

    That must’ve been really awkward to witness… it would’ve been for me anyways! 😛

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I think anytime you see two people flirting (hair twirling, “wassuping” and all that) is awkward and eye rolling 🙂 Thanks for stopping by and hope you come back soon …

  13. k8edid says:

    Should have let T.U.B (The Uncensored Broad) loose on his ass.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Need to borrow some of your T.U.B. to remind me that I’m a B.I.T.C.H. woman who stands her ground. Only for some reason, as much as he irritated me, there was a part of me that didn’t want to ruin his high from talking to the S.O.S..

  14. Mindless Rambler says:

    I have similar inside rage when I go to our Post Office. It is when the girl behind the counter asks the elderly person asking for a stamp “how are you doing these days?” and I stand there screaming (in my head of course) “No, no, no, you don’t ask and old person that” (ageist of me I know). Old people feel the need to list and describe every ailment they have and every pill they are taking for said ailments.

    I know I will be old one day and I know I will have ailments but shoot me please if I start to list them when there is a queue of at least 10 people behind me.

    Ok, sorry to rant about this, you got me started 🙂

    Great post as always x

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Aren’t you glad you have a head to contain your rage? Where would the world be if none of us had heads? Small talk should be banned in lines. Thanks for stopping by 🙂 It’s okay to rant … it’s our detox.

    • Patti Kuche says:

      Until then, they really should have “old person” hours at the post office. I love the way they lose their way from the door, bypass the line and find their way to to the front, their crafty pleading eyes daring us to mess with them. No use saying anything . . .”WHAT? I can’t hear you!!! Oh, I’m next.”

      As for flirting in SucksBucks, that’s desperate. Isn’t it?

      Great post btw!

      • Lafemmeroar says:

        SuckBucks … that’s a good one. Add an “F” to that … and you get what? As always thanks for visiting and reading and commenting. You’re hilarious. C U soon 🙂

  15. Oh! That would tick me off! The starbucks lines can be long enough and then to add that on top of it! I probably would have turned into a raving mad woman.

    However, I have cut my starbucks addiction in half with the purchase of a Tassimo. It is the greatest invention on the face of the earth and keeps me happily caffinated 🙂

  16. Ruth D. says:

    Hahahaha, good laugh! 🙂
    Excellent post!

  17. Interesting walk through your mind…I can dig it!!

  18. Pingback: My Funny Insanity « Lafemmeroar

  19. Wow, you are better than me…I would have got my drink and threw it on the guy or said some smart ass comment to him like, “Thanks for making me wait while you flirted!”

  20. Sandra Gonzalez says:

    Like I’ve said a million times before, YOU, my friend are way too funny!!!… I agree with others in that we all think it, but nobody says it so we’re glad you did.

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