Meditation schmeditation: I know a better way to relax

Feeling tense and bothered has made me a very unproductive writer. I’ve been working on a book and I just can’t seem to get my revisions done. I needed to fix the plot holes and other issues of my “great novel” that at this point was far from great. So, I thought perhaps meditation would help release me from my writer’s block.

But clearing my mind is a difficult thing to do. It’s analogous to cleaning the house. I dust, I vacuum, I throw out the junk. But in time all that mess comes back and like Sisyphus, I’m back pushing that rock up the hill. I hate cleaning, but it has to be done. If I can do this daunting task in my abode, then I can certainly do it for my mind and body and my book. I decided to take a meditation class.

What I did not expect was my mental and physical resistance to meditation. Instead of going blank, my mind kept on going hmmm. Instead of closing my eyes, I spied at my fellow meditators. Instead of relaxing, I tensed up because who can relax on a hard floor in a room full of strangers. Moreover, I felt silly chanting, and the woman sitting next to me seemed off-key. I’d like to see her go at it at a karaoke bar. These thoughts and feelings plagued me as I tried my best to rid myself of negative and destructive thoughts to achieve peace and harmony. I left the class feeling even more tense and bothered.

Then I thought had I given up too soon? Should I take another hellish class? Should I have another go at reciting more “ommmmmms” and “aummmmmms?” I had a better solution, I went to Target and bought a Meditation for Beginners DVD. I popped in the disk and once more tried to clear my mind–this time alone. It didn’t work. Twenty minutes later, I gave up and channel surfed as I contemplated what to do with my book.

Through boredom and watching Keanu Reeves (“Point Break” was on), my mind wandered to my “goodie drawer” and thought about my newly purchased “toy.” I turned it on and focused on the mantra of the muted buzz positioned exactly where it needed to be. Images of a shirtless Keanu running down the beach got me closer and closer to my destination. Moments later, my mind wandered away from Keanu and delved into my deeper self. My mind and body connected to achieve the single purpose of the rapturous release needed for my mental and physical detoxification. Then I began to uncontrollably chant “oohs” and “ahhs” and “oh my gods” as I reached the nirvana that knocked me out to dream land.

I woke up feeling refreshed, relaxed and ready to confront my book. I revised twenty pages and wrote another two thousand words to fix the plot holes. I didn’t need to meditate. What I needed was a good long nap induced by the release of endorphins. Could loving thyself be the best way to achieve mental clarity and get rid of writer’s block? According to this blogger … hell yeah! But it must be practiced with consistency preferably on a daily basis.

Orgasmically yours,

Lafemmeroar

Follow @lafemmeroar