Meditation schmeditation: I know a better way to relax

Feeling tense and bothered has made me a very unproductive writer. I’ve been working on a book and I just can’t seem to get my revisions done. I needed to fix the plot holes and other issues of my “great novel” that at this point was far from great. So, I thought perhaps meditation would help release me from my writer’s block.

But clearing my mind is a difficult thing to do. It’s analogous to cleaning the house. I dust, I vacuum, I throw out the junk. But in time all that mess comes back and like Sisyphus, I’m back pushing that rock up the hill. I hate cleaning, but it has to be done. If I can do this daunting task in my abode, then I can certainly do it for my mind and body and my book. I decided to take a meditation class.

What I did not expect was my mental and physical resistance to meditation. Instead of going blank, my mind kept on going hmmm. Instead of closing my eyes, I spied at my fellow meditators. Instead of relaxing, I tensed up because who can relax on a hard floor in a room full of strangers. Moreover, I felt silly chanting, and the woman sitting next to me seemed off-key. I’d like to see her go at it at a karaoke bar. These thoughts and feelings plagued me as I tried my best to rid myself of negative and destructive thoughts to achieve peace and harmony. I left the class feeling even more tense and bothered.

Then I thought had I given up too soon? Should I take another hellish class? Should I have another go at reciting more “ommmmmms” and “aummmmmms?” I had a better solution, I went to Target and bought a Meditation for Beginners DVD. I popped in the disk and once more tried to clear my mind–this time alone. It didn’t work. Twenty minutes later, I gave up and channel surfed as I contemplated what to do with my book.

Through boredom and watching Keanu Reeves (“Point Break” was on), my mind wandered to my “goodie drawer” and thought about my newly purchased “toy.” I turned it on and focused on the mantra of the muted buzz positioned exactly where it needed to be. Images of a shirtless Keanu running down the beach got me closer and closer to my destination. Moments later, my mind wandered away from Keanu and delved into my deeper self. My mind and body connected to achieve the single purpose of the rapturous release needed for my mental and physical detoxification. Then I began to uncontrollably chant “oohs” and “ahhs” and “oh my gods” as I reached the nirvana that knocked me out to dream land.

I woke up feeling refreshed, relaxed and ready to confront my book. IΒ revised twenty pages and wrote another two thousand words to fix the plot holes. I didn’t need to meditate. What I needed was a good long nap induced by the release of endorphins. Could loving thyself be the best way to achieve mental clarity and get rid of writer’s block? According to this blogger … hell yeah! But it must be practiced with consistency preferably on a daily basis.

Orgasmically yours,

Lafemmeroar

About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

35 Responses to Meditation schmeditation: I know a better way to relax

  1. Cayman Thorn says:

    A whole new meaning to playing with words. Meditation is all about contemplation, projection and achieving a higher level of something or other. To which you’ve more than, ahem, satisfied all requirements.

    As Keanu Reeves said, “Vaya con Dee Oze”

  2. Deborah the Closet Monster says:

    I love the clim–I mean, conclusion!–of this entry. πŸ™‚

    Have you ever watched any Scrubs? This made me think of an episode from its first season: “Physician, love thyself!”

  3. beider says:

    Haha, what a great post. That is quite brilliant and I believe we all should love ourselves a bit more every day. Even twice or thrice a day.

    Now you got one more reader πŸ™‚

  4. Nothing relaxes me like a little sack session! I agree–better than meditation. πŸ™‚

  5. Shonnie says:

    Definately not what I was expecting to read when I read the title. Haha! I would have had the same problems with the meditation room and other people. I agree about the sack session releasing tension. πŸ˜‰

  6. Paula says:

    LOL! Usually this would make me relaxed and sleepy rather than in the mood to write. Generally I need to feel alert and slightly tense to churn out a whole bunch of words. But great post!

  7. Pingback: Announcing the Crazy Chicks Club « Lafemmeroar's Blog

  8. sparkylaurie says:

    Okay ..so now I know the whole story behind CCC! Tht was cool brainstormin! Congrats the two of you! Am sure we CC’s have lots of new crazy ideas to come up with!:)

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Isn’t it great what can come from the exchange of comments and replies? The next step is starting discussions in the page. We’ll see what happens next. It’s only a few days old, but I think it’s going to be really fun.

  9. Pingback: My Funny Insanity « Lafemmeroar

  10. Bodhirose says:

    Yes, loving yourself is a pathway to nirvana! And you seem to be a natural and need no further instructions–go for it!

  11. aeliusblythe says:

    Hehe. I totally missed this post too.

    Funny how I never read this particular tip on any of the other writing sites I visit… All those books and pages on getting over writer’s block… and totally missing the spot πŸ˜‰

  12. Thanks for the link! I meditate. It’s tough. Everyone thinks it’s so relaxing and easy, but only those who haven’t given it a try. Keeping your mind still for 2 seconds, let along half and hour is impossible! Your post is great!

  13. OMG!!! Hilarious, and so true! Sometimes you need a physical release to relax, and you definitely got it! you go girl!!!!

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