To All the Single Ladies …

Being a single girl in a malfunctioning universe means that I need to laugh at the chaos. Laughing is good for my health and it’s a lot more attractive than looking like I just sucked a lemon. However, when I’m classified as a malfunction because I’ve never been married–annoys me. To all the single ladies out there has anyone ever said this to you?

  • Don’t you want to get married?
  • What’s wrong with you?
  • Don’t you want to be happy?
  • Are you gay?
  • You need to have a life.
  • You don’t want to be a spinster like your Aunt N.
  • You’ll never be happy until you find a man.
  • A complete woman always has a better half.
  • Men don’t like women who talk too much.
  • You’re too bossy to find a man.
  • Maybe you need to see a therapist.

If you’ve never heard these lines spewed in your direction, then I’m very happy for you. Such statements and others like it have bent my feather for years. Some people just don’t understand that I can be alone and not feel lonely. They can’t comprehend that I can be single and feel complete. And they can’t accept that I can be happy without a man. Do I want to find a man? ABSO-FREAKIN-LUTELY! Until that day comes, I’ll be single and not hating it. And to those friends and family members who have uttered the above to me throughout the years please be assured that I’m fine … I’m really fine. How loud to I need to roar to make you understand?


One “deliriously” happy crazy chick

Β© 2011 Lafemmeroar

About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

31 Responses to To All the Single Ladies …

  1. I’ve definitely heard at least half of these. My favorite is the implication that my job/career has gotten in the way. To which I like to reply, “Oh… so you’d rather I be single AND destitute?” At this point, when people ask me why I’m not married, my standard response is, “Why are you?” (By the way, it’s almost always women who ask, right?) I think people just can’t fathom singleness because they don’t live it.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      This line: “I think people just can’t fathom singleness because they don’t live it.” is so true. I get a mixture of genders asking me, and usually much older. It’s rare, but a few of my married friends have said this to me “you probably made the smarter choice” in reference to my “Singledom.” BTW, I love your blog name πŸ™‚

      • Ha! Actually, my blog name has nothing to do with my marital status… it’s more of a reference to a single thought that I have that then morphs into a bunch of other thoughts (which is how I get a lot of blog entries). But I guess there could be a double entendre!

        I’ve had married people around my age tell me they envy me. I do not envy them, generally (of course, I’d love someone to share my life with, but other than that, no envy). I’m gratified to hear those kinds of comments.

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          Sharing a life with someone sounds so nice doesn’t it? So long as you like and love that “someone.” And hope that those feelings don’t turn into hate. But I’m optimistic …

  2. hollyjb says:

    I’ve never had those things said to me (mind you, I’m still young and I just finished school so….), but I do have an uncle who ALWAYS asks whenever he sees me if there are any ‘boys’ in my life. Once when I was holding my cousin’s new born son he said ‘that looks good on you.’ I countered with ‘you should talk to Melissa about that, she’s the one getting married’ (a different cousin). It pisses me off because it’s like, can’t they see that it makes me feel worse about myself to be THE ONLY COUSIN (actually on both sides) WHO HAS NEVER BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP! Sorry :P. I’m not quite in as good a place as you are, but I’m working on it. I don’t have anything to compare single-dom too, but I would say that I’m better than I was a few years ago.


    Single Crazy Chicks UNITE!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Yeah, Single Crazy Chicks UNITE! lolol. Don’t rush with the relationships. But I suspect that you’re a sensible girl. Don’t feel singled out about being the only one … I’m the only one of my high school friends who has never been married … I’ve also never been divorced (that’s one way of looking at it) πŸ™‚

      • hollyjb says:

        In my head, divorce isn’t an option….or at least I don’t want it to be (hey, if my parents held in there and have a way better relationship now than they’ve ever had, than it’s possible to get through a lot), so I definitely need to get it right the first time. Which means rushing is not a very smart thing to do. I know what the sensible way to act is, but sometimes my emotions get the better of me. And then I think ‘hey, I can do whatever the heck I want b/c I have no one tying me here!’. It a good way to look at it. Now I just need to actually take my own advice….

    • hollyjb says:

      Ha! Thanks. Let’s hope I can remember that when I’m faced with a guy I like….who actually likes me back! I’ll look to you to keep me accountable :P.

  3. renxkyoko says:

    For some reason, girls/ women have never asked me why I’m single and have never even been in a relationship. It’s the men who always ask.

    Excellent post, by the way.

    Greetings from California.

  4. momfog says:

    I got married too soon to be asked any of these questions. Sometimes, I feel my single friends made the smarter choice, too. I honestly can’t believe anyone would ask anyone these questions. They’re incredibly rude and nosy. Maybe they’re jealous? You know what they say, “Misery loves company.”

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      They do ask. In my case I don’t think they meant to be mean … I just don’t think they understood why I never got married. BTW, in your picture you look very young to be a mom (of how many kids again?)

      • momfog says:

        5 kids. I just turned 33. I had my first 9 days after my 21st birthday. I married my high school boyfriend when I was 20. I have zero experience in the crazy world of dating which is why I’m enjoying these posts so much. I’m a bit of an odd case these days, but I have no regrets. Well, maybe a few teeny tiny ones. πŸ™‚

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          Wow. I just saw your comment on another blog and replied to you about the 5 kids. Anyway, I haven’t dated these guys yet as I’m still in the discovery process. I’ll keep you updated. You have a cute life story and reminds me of the Roseanne Show. We all have regrets whichever way we go in life. That’s the curse of hindsight.

  5. Bleau says:

    I was married and now guys ask why aren’t you still married as if it was all my fault. On a dating site, a guy said, if you’re so great what are you doing here? I posed the same question in reply. He vanished.That pointing finger of blame, single, married or in between. I give up. As Bette Davis would have said “To hell with it.” We need a button that says “Your assumptions are not a requirement for my happiness.” LOL

  6. Sarah says:

    I just hate the word ‘spinster’ don’t you? I got called that by my grandfather the other week – despite the fact that I do actaully live with my partner.

    Some people will never be happy. I think it’s becuase people assume that what works for them should automatically work for you as well. And it’s just not the case.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      A long time ago, I thought the word spinster meant an aged female virgin. So, when someone made a comment that I might end up being a spinster I said no I won’t, I haven’t been a virgin for a long time. Then I looked up the word in the dictionary and I though aaahhh so that’s what it means and that yes I could become that definition. Today I like to think of the word as “one who spins words and stories.” So yeah, I’m a “spinster.” πŸ™‚

      You’re right when you said that “people assume that what works for them should automatically work for you as well. And it’s just not the case.” I guess some people just can’t believe that we’re happy because we’re not living their lives.

  7. sayali611 says:

    I can’t even tell you how much I love this post! Have heard most those bold and italics..Mostly it is – you should get married now…And they are increasing exponentially with each passing day..I have felt love and I know how amazing it is ..But so is single hood..I love my alone time..Hell! I’m so much fun to be with after all..My biggest obsession right now is dreaming about a solo biking trip across one Himalayan belt (and one fine day, I will make it happen..and Crazy Chicks Club can join in πŸ™‚
    Whenever I find my guy, it will be for reasons better than just to change my relationship status..And I am in no hurry too..If people around me don’t understand it, they will only disappoint themselves again and again.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Your response is SUCH AN INSPIRATION.Being single is an amazing way to get to know how much fun your own company can be. To tell you the truth I feel most whole when I’m alone. I’d still like to share my life with “the one” but until that day comes I’ll enjoy “myself” as much as I can. You’re an awesome CC …

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Your response is SUCH AN INSPIRATION.Being single is an amazing way to get to know how much fun your own company can be. To tell you the truth I feel most whole when I’m alone. I’d still like to share my life with “the one” but until that day comes I’ll enjoy “myself” as much as I can. You’re an awesome CC …

  8. madtante says:

    Being from the Ozarks where even my aunts and uncles “finished school” (as the norm) at age 14, married about age 15 and started families, etc.? This shite started before I was out of hs.

    Like–even if you’re not going to marry, wtf are you doing not having kids? Also–being where I’m from, there’s NO industry, no jobs. Literally speaking, the “jobs” available for 30-40 miles (as a teen) was getting knocked up and going on welfare of being a SAHM, married to some guy who commuted to a factory far away (often, not coming home through the week). That was NORMAL.

    I’m going to be 40 in autumn and hey, let’s be honest: my childhood was a freaking nightmare. That said, am I happier/ healthier alone? Yes. Would I prefer to have a partner to walk through life? YES. I’m not willing to say “yes” to any man. It’s called perfectionism and it basically means I’ll probably never find it with my standards. I’d still rather be alone than continue any of the bad stuff I grew up with. And yes, I have a therapist πŸ™‚

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Oh, you said a mouthful sister … and it is better to be alone and happy than to be miserable with another. It seems therapy is working for you. Thanks for commenting and I hope the other CCCs read your comment …

  9. ashlynrenee says:

    In my family, certainly not my community, though, the oldest any of the women have been when marrying was 21. And I have to admit, it has colored my perception of the world. For as long as I can remember, I expected to get married at 18 and continue with everything I wanted to do after that (college, traveling, etc.). My parents never pressured me to get married quickly or anything like that. It just always seemed to be expected. As of right now, at 17, I’m engaged. I’m happy, though. But I’m sure I could be just as happy single for a while.

    I do admit, I’m jealous of your thinking. I’ve never been comfortable thinking that I would make it very far past 18 and not be married. It’s always scared me, thinking that I might not be. I completely envy you. πŸ™‚

    I have to agree on being sick of hearing “Are there any special boys in your life?” so often from my great grandmother. It was starting to drive me nuts.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      If you’re engaged and happy, then more power to you. The pursuit of happiness is my life’s goal. Would I be happier if I shared my life with a man? I hope so; that is my assumption. Years ago, I thought that the ideal age for me to marry would be 27. I thought that I’d be more mature and still be young enough (for what I don’t really know). When that didn’t happen I had to go with Plan B, which was accept the situation. I had no other choice. I was scared too, when my idea of how things should be suddenly collapsed. As the years passed and as men came in and out (not that many) of my life, I learned a little more about myself. That was and is my journey. You have a different journey. The important thing is for you to have a better understanding of who you are as you go through life. The most important relationship you’ll have in life is the relationship with yourself. (I wish I could take credit for that line, but it’s a paraphrase from SATC.) Enjoy your life. You have choices … you’re young … now I envy you πŸ™‚

  10. i’m sure more guys (single or otherwise) would have read this post!
    Although none make their presence publicly felt

  11. there would be those who would read hoping for some insights, the title being promising thus
    others, sadly, would be dorks

    its like having a hidden folder of chick flicks in you D drive!

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