Online Dating: Is it a Good Idea? Part 3.3

I’m looking through every digital nook and cranny to find the gem hidden within the litter of excrement that fertilizes the online dating world. I’ve been looking for love in all the wrong places, but I’m hoping that someday I’ll find the love of my life and together, we can trot on down eternity dealing and laughing at the malfunction of the universe. Here’s my latest find and I actually learned something new:

Date Hook Up is free and easy. If you just want to get your feet wet on dating sites, then this site is for you because sign-up is quick, navigation is easy, and you don’t have to take endless quizzes and evaluations before you can get started. You do have to complete your profile before you can take part in the Forum discussions or send another member an email.

I found the Groups and Forum sections quite entertaining, but I got the feeling that there was more chatting than hooking up going on, which was fine with me. Topic threads ranged from “how do I tell my gf I like to wear dresses” and “omg cheap date” to “The Tantra Chair” and “I want to date a stripper.”

The site has a “Sex & Dating Chat” with a disclaimer stating “Enter at your own risk.” I risked it and noticed the prevalence of spelling “naked” as “nekked” or “nekkid.” As usual men wanted to “chatterotica” while women responded with a “you wish dork,” “not in a million years” and the classic “I would if you can afford my per minute rate.”

I love acronyms, but I didn’t understand these threads: “You’re drunk and see the PAY in your bed,”  “Ugly PAY, what do you do?” “F&%$, kiss or marry the PAY.” What the heck was a ‘PAY”? I Googled “online dating acronyms” and found two sites, Webopedia and All-acronyms, with a comprehensive list of online dating terms but I did not find “PAY” on their list.

So, I went back to the chat page, posed the question in the thread and found my answer: PAY= Person Above You. Then I received a very rude response from a woman who wrote:

Read the threads and STFU! lol

Well I know what STFU means, but what was so funny about her wanting to stifle my right to free speech in the chat room? I got mad and responded:

I don’t have to STFU you UCOTR (ugly c#nt on the rag).  Be careful that the last PAY isn’t wearing a black robe with a sickle in his hand … lol on that you GOB (grumpy old broad).

Since there seems to be (at least on this site) a prevalent usage for dating abbreviations I decided to rewrite my profile:

SF LFM with SI for LTR. You must be DTE, DDF, and have a GSOH. If you’re M, MBL into TINA or SWS then you’re SOL.

Translation: Single female looking for male with similar interest for long-term relationship. You must be down to earth, drug and disease free, and have a good sense of humor. If you’re married, married but looking, into methamphetamine, or sex without strings, then you’re sh&t out of luck.

No responses so far …

Nominated for Best Humor Blog at Bloggers Choice Awards. Please vote 🙂

© 2011 Lafemmeroar

About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

21 Responses to Online Dating: Is it a Good Idea? Part 3.3

  1. jsh0608 says:

    That is just too funny. I love how you rewrote your profile.

  2. hollyjb says:

    I’m horrible with acronyms :S. I would get so confused in a chat room like that.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I was going crazy with the PAY term. I couldn’t figure it out, but when I realized what it was I was like oh why couldn’t I figure that out. It’s so obvious …. lolol

  3. renxkyoko says:

    This is hilarious. So you showed the way to PAY ? lol Funny post !

  4. Bleau says:

    Hahaha thanks for the laughs! 🙂

  5. imakeeper says:

    Ahhh those acryonoms are nuts! I have never heard of PAY but now I feel like I am adquently informed and warned if I do start the online dating process…. which might be soon.

  6. Mindless Rambler says:

    Great post as always. I remember when I entered my first chat room back in 1998 I kept thinking people were giving me lots of love, of course I quickly caught on what lol really meant!

  7. madtante says:

    Love your reply to that witch and the profile is hilarious. Do you really think you’ll meet somebody there?

    Years ago (before on-line dating was considered “normal,” I only knew one person who’d done it and it had resulted in marriage but back then, you were too embarrassed to admit you’d tried), I spoke online to a lot of guys and ended up meeting about 5. Nothing. This time around, online dating is far more “acceptable” and I know MANY couples who met and married (or are long-term SOs). I’m finding it’s more of the same, if not worse, really. People say, “Oh, you have to kiss a lot of frogs.” Erm, I don’t know. I share on my blog some of the funny ones but I leave out well … HUNDREDS of freaks. Hundreds. I don’t know if it’s because I don’t have kids or how I look. Ugh. I’d put something in there about being churchy but that’s a lie. And let’s face it, some of the biggest cheaters I’ve ever known are “churchy” men.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      The right guy will be able to decode that profile! lolol One of my friends met her husband online in 1995 or 96. You’re right though. Today online dating is pretty common. I think you just came up with a new phrase “churchy cheaters.” lmao but so true sorry to say.

  8. hawleywood40 says:

    Best dating profile I’ve ever read : )!

  9. kiwikar says:

    Hihi. So here I am. i came back. And I think I’ll subscribe, too! Your blog is just so well written. And it makes me laugh.
    I was never into online dating to be honest. I got to know my boyfriends online, that’s true, but that happened while I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend. Glad you’re having fun at that site though ^^.

  10. once again, u have risked life n limb ‘for the sake of science’

    chat rooms can make you loose ur faith in humanity

    I never got past the ‘ASL’ phase in chat rooms

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