The Devil Made Me Eat It

My raging appetite is like a randy man-whore constantly out on the prowl for his next piece of bootie.

Excess is never good, which is why I’ve tried to tame my lust for food with simple self-control. If I want cheesecake, I eat a slice instead of two. If I want ice cream, I have a scoop instead of three. If I’m craving pasta, I have one serving instead of several. My onsies food strategy worked and I looked svelte without the SPANX. 

I felt confident that I could face my foe (food) and say no thank you, or just one please–that is until lunch at an all you can eat buffet re-ignited my gastronomic greed. My eyes gleamed at the sight of food galore and thoughts of portion control were replaced by murmurs of “eat as much as you want.” Suddenly my onesies rule doubled, tripled and quadrupled. I ate so much that my appetite finally surrendered and begged me to put my fork down.

Was my resolve so weak that it succumbed at the mere sight of mac n cheese on a platter? Was I such a glutton that I needed not one, but three heaping ladles of mashed potatoes on my plate next to the lasagna and the spaghetti flanked by fried chicken thighs? Was I playing fire with my dental work and my hips when I ate brownie(s) à la mode, cakes and pies, pudding and flan? I was in carb and calorie heaven, but I felt like hell. Temptation and indulgence took me to that bad place where my guilt resided and she shook her head in shame and disdain.

I reminded myself that I was an intelligent and logical biped, not some four-legged beast that acted on mere instinct. I absent-mindedly nibbled on a chicken nugget and ruminated my fall from self-control. After much thinking, I concluded that I was the victim of possession. It’s a known fact that people have dual natures constantly battling for dominance. It’s the devil and the angel inside me. And this time, the devil won.

Yes, that was it. For years this devil has possessed me to over eat by making me put things in my mouth I shouldn’t have. And thanks to my angel, self-control manifested before things got “too heavy.” And considering my recent food fest, my angel must be MIA. So it wasn’t me who had failed at the buffet, but that slovenly angel sent from above to stop the evil sent from below.

I blame my gluttony on my absent angel who I believe must be sojourning behind the pearly gates. Now, I’m left defenseless against the devil. If my angel doesn’t come back soon I’ll turn from a svelte minx back to a corpulent porker. So dear readers pray that my angel returns to purgatory (Earth) because the devil on my shoulder is getting stronger with each bite I take.

What temptations does the devil inside you make you do?

Hungrily yours,

Lafemmeroar

© 2011 Lafemmeroar

About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

44 Responses to The Devil Made Me Eat It

  1. I love this! It’s not my fault, it’s that damn absent Angel!!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I have to blame someone … it can’t be me lol

      • Shonnie says:

        exactly! It often feels like we are driven made by desire … it must be a demon … just sayin’!

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          Lucifer’s minion.

      • Shonnie says:

        Driven .. MAD not Made! Gosh!

  2. Ruth D. says:

    Seriously, I actually wanted to answer your question but then found out that this is the first time I get to comment on your post FIRST! It’s fanfreakingtastic! Usually I’m commentor #38, now I’m #1!
    That in and of itself is something I have to celebrate!

    • Ruth D. says:

      AAAAHH! Crap with strawberries! I’m not first. Someone beat me! Gosh…

      • Lafemmeroar says:

        lol you’re funny. Strawberries n cream yay. Strawberries n crap nay. You’re cute.

      • Shonnie says:

        hahaha! it is OK Ruth … you can be excited anyway!

  3. Patti Kuche says:

    Sounds like you need some angel cake . . .

    Of course, I am very disciplined and always make sure I never have more than 1 pint of ice-cream at a time. It’s those damned tiny spoons.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      lol on the angel cake–that actually sounds good right now as a pre-lunch snack. I use a baby spoon when eating Hagen Dasz coffee ice cream thinking it will take me longer to eat, but I can still polish off a pint in 20 mins.

  4. I feel this way every time I make a pot of chicken and noodles. So delicious….I can never stop at just one bowl.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      You got me thinking about pots of food and chicken and noddles is delish and so comforting. I’ll add that rice pudding is a vice. I don’t always make it, but Kozy Shack is good 🙂

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      You got me thinking about pots of food and chicken and noddles is delish and so comforting. I’ll add that rice pudding is a vice. I don’t always make it, but Kozy Shack is good 🙂

  5. It’s always good when you can find excuses to justify gluttony 🙂 I have a list of my own I use!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I hope in this sense justice has been “served.”

  6. magsx2 says:

    Hi,
    I love it, it is all the fault of the Angel. 🙂
    It was only a couple of days ago that us girls went out for lunch, we all get together at least once a fortnight, we usually go to the movies, and then lunch, but it’s school holidays here in OZ, so lunch only this time. Anyway it was one of those restaurants where you choose what you would like to eat, and it comes with all you eat salad bar and dessert bar, believe me I think we all needed your little Angel on that day, when we left, we were all totally disgusted at the amount that we ate, but I must say, it was said with laughter. 🙂

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      The things that make us happy also make us feel bad. It’s good to laugh about it though–it soothes the guilt 🙂

  7. marcialoyd says:

    I agree with Patti. Angel cake. Of course with whipped cream and some strawberries on top. Excuse me while I run to the store. lol.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Sounds yummy. Email me a slice with extra whipped cream 🙂

  8. Burgers. I swear I could eat a burger for every meal and never be tired of them. Since they are what we call “unhealthy,” that is bad. It tends to make for a fatter me.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Burgers with mushrooms, swiss and avocado–ooooh yummy in my tummy 🙂

  9. I am in need of some angel from heaven intervention in keeping my devul in control… I am trying… I am not succeeding…

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Your angel must be on vacation as well. Mine is still MIA.

  10. Geoff Wise says:

    🙂 do they have “cougars” in your part of the world? Just men?

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I’ve “cougared” around, but I don’t do clubs anymore … “been there and done it way too many times.”
      Give me dinner and a movie and I’m happy just no Disney films.

  11. sguimo says:

    SO…I have not read this post, but I will. I just need some help here! I am of course a newbie to the blogging scene. Here’s the “sitch” I want to put tags on my sidebar, similar to how you have yours. Problem: I can’t. Conclusion: I’m a moron ha!!! I just can’t seem to figure it out and I have tried SO MANY THINGS!!!

    ………any help would be GREATLY appreciated 🙂

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      go to the widgets section of your dashboard and you have various widgets there you can put on your sidebar.

  12. sguimo says:

    Alright, NOW I have read this post!
    I have many weaknesses, in fact too many to count.
    Alas, I have fallen to my knees to one particular weakness. Truly the workings of Lucifer himself. Late night “mow downs” are my foe! The worst of this is that what I eat late at night CAN be ANYTHING……..curse you massive appetite!!!! Some say eating past 8pm is bad, some say “who gives a shit!” So, in this we understand that everyone is different, they either gain weight doing it or not. Me, I’m a gainer but I blame that on my mothers family genes HA!

    In reference to my “tag problem”: I did bring the widget to my side bar, so “Tags” shows up on my blog but I can’t seem to actually get the tags I want to appear under that….damn my blog virginity!! lol

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      The most used tags will appear in the tag cloud (at lest that’s what I have. The bigger the font the more you use that tag. Hope that helps.
      I eat late at night too, screw the after 8pm that’s when I have dinner lol. Try waking up at 3am and yearning for some bread and butter with a glass of milk–that’s an awesomely bad threesome.

  13. sguimo says:

    Pickles (bread n butter), marble cheese, salsa (medium) and melba toast.

    My love, my foursome! haha

  14. Shonnie says:

    Girl …. get out of that place! Run … hide … but NEVER go into an all you can eat anything. Even strong ones fall there. Too much temptation. I’m prayin for you … cuz I don’t want that devil over here1 Dang! Get the behind me Satan! NOW!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      LMAO You’re my food exorcist.

  15. sguimo says:

    Success on the tags!!!! Goodness I’m a little slow on the kick off sometimes!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      No worries. I had to learn just like you did 🙂

  16. My devil makes me go on angry rants. It doesn’t matter if anyone’s listening. I’m completely working on wrangling him in though. 😛

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      At least you can’t gain weight ranting. 🙂

    • Shonnie says:

      I thought that was just me. Yea! Now I can blame the devil for that too! 🙂

      • Lafemmeroar says:

        It’s always the devil’s fault 🙂

  17. hollyjb says:

    Right now my vice is gauffres. Waffles. Belgian waffles are actually nothing like the ‘Belgian’ waffles they serve in Williams. You can get them in different sizes and all, but mostly they are small (I have a pick of a hot one on one of my early blog posts…). You can buy them in packages in the grocery store or fresh from the bakery. And they have something special in them…..sugar clumps! Yes that’s right. Random clumps of sugar strewn throughout the waffle. They’re very heavy. At this one store I can get a pack of 10 (each about the size of 4 Oreos placed in a square) for less than 1 euro. Dangerous!

    Other than that, it’s chips, pizza, fast food. And also right now I’ve developed a love of dark chocolate. If I’m eating milk chocolate I actually have to have nuts in it, it’s WAY too sweet just by itself. But dark chocolate…I can get a pack of 3 chocolate bars (a little bigger than a Caramilk bar with breakable squares) for 1.75 euros. This is not helping me!

    • hollyjb says:

      Plus, I also saw in the grocery store a package of those sugar clumps if I ever felt the need to make my own waffles/bring it back to Canada to make my own Belgian waffles.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      You should share a link of that post in this comment thread 🙂
      I like the Dagoba dark chocolate with chilli and I think it’s blueberries or lavender it’s good.
      Oh you do have a sweet tooth … I do too 🙂

  18. Dawn Dash says:

    My problem is defining what ‘one serve’ actually equates to. Because one scoop of icecream is pretty damn big when I’m using a soup ladle to scoop it!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      lmao big time … you are my kind of crazy chick!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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