Questions I asked Mommy and Daddy

Looking at my childhood pictures reminds me of happy days filled with magical wonderings about the mysteries of the world. My innocence and ignorance inspired me to ask questions, which my parents answered separately and together.

Will Santa give me that big doll house for Christmas?

Not this year sweetie. He’s on a budget.

Why do I have to order from the children’s menu when I can eat more than you can?

Small people must eat small portions.

Why can’t I eat more candy?

Because cavities are expensive.

Why do I have to go to school?

Dad: So you’ll know how to fill out a job application.

(Two frogs in my hand.) Do frogs really turn into prince charmings?

Mom: Eeeek!     Dad: Get that toad out of this house.

What’s divorce?

Mom: Community property.     Dad: Freedom

When can I get a boyfriend?

Mom: Ask your father.    Dad: Never 

When can I get married?

Mom: When you fall in love.     Dad: Weddings are expensive.

What’s sex?

Mom: Sex gets you in trouble.     Dad: Girls don’t like sex.

What’s birth control?

Mom: Ask your father.     Dad: I have nothing to do with that.

When do I live happily ever after like in the fairy tales?

(No Answer)

As I learned the facts of life and experienced the daily chaos that thwarted my world order, I realized that the only magical thing about existence resides within my imagination. Happily ever after meant the end of the story … my story isn’t over. Happiness is in believing that I’m a beautiful work in progress who finds joy in laughing at the malfunction of the universe.

What’s your happiness?

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Other posts you might like:

The Man from Malutopia–A Story of Genital Proportions

Reading and Eating: Balance for a Healthy Mind and Body

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©2011 Lafemmeroar

About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

35 Responses to Questions I asked Mommy and Daddy

  1. Love it! Your parents are hysterical, and remind me of mine :) You inspired me today, again :) You go girl!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thanks :) Glad to spark ideas to a fellow blogger :)

  2. Hey, pretty funny stuff–just the kind of blog I love to read. You have a new fan and subscriber!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thank you. I love your blog as well :)

  3. jsh0608 says:

    I love your dad’s answer to what’s sex. I so giggled. Hehehe :0)

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I think that’s the standard answer. He didn’t talk much.

  4. Good stuff!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thank you. Memories are good to write about.

  5. Aurora says:

    LMAO once again… your mind rocks out loud! :)

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Aw, thank you :)

  6. totsymae1011 says:

    I like Dad. He’s funny.

    Yes, there is no happy ever after from where we’re standing but you just kind of find it along the way. In the end, you want to be able to look back, as you did with the photos and be thankful you had those good times. I guess it all about cherishing the current moment.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      It is “about cherishing the current moment.” Looking at the pics were fun. I had my cute and awkward stage. And the clothes that I wore OMG, I wouldn’t put a child in that get up I don’t know what my mother was thinking.

  7. kiwikar says:

    “Girls don’t like sex.” This made me laugh really hard. But now that I think about it I’m more like “…wait, what?”

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      That changes when we become women of a certain age. I think more about sex today than I did when I was getting it regular :)

  8. sparkylaurie says:

    This one was so cute….You truly were one smart kid….you know what? U askd many of the IMP questions of life! LOL ;)

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      lol thanks. I thinks kids today are so much more sophisticated )

  9. hollyjb says:

    ‘Cavities are expensive’ I liked that one. Well, I liked them all, but that one was great. I don’t remember as well asking those kinds of questions, but I do remember my parents taking to me about things like sex, drugs, alcohol. With the drugs and alcohol they said ‘hey, if you want to try it (especially under age) do it here where it’s safe and we can make sure you’re ok’. My Dad told us how he used to do drugs and broke into people’s houses taking their cars our for joy rides just because he could and to show them how shit their security was. He almost got kicked out of the house, but Grandma wouldn’t let Grandpa do it. I think he turned out great myself! My parents were always very open about what they did when they were younger. To help us make better choices, to prove to us the dangers, but also to help us understand that if we really wanted to try something we could trust them with that and that they would rather us be safe trying it at home than take chances at a party. I’ve never been crazy like that (except at my cousin’s wedding…my whole family got a kick out of that), but my sister was! Once she went taboozing and my Mom had to pick her up! I think she was maybe, um, 17, 18.

    I even won $2 from one of the VP’s at my high school because my Dad told me about his ‘drug days’. This from the woman who was supposed to enforce the no gambling rule!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      OMG, this comment is interesting and hilarious! Another glimpse into your life … I’d like to read your post about your acting crazy at a cousin’s wedding.

      • hollyjb says:

        Lol. Unfortunately I wasn’t blogging at the time. If you really want to hear about that I can email you. Basically, I’m really giggly. It’s just happy me enhanced about a million times. Normally I don’t like the taste of alcohol, but once I was drunk I was just chugging ‘em back.

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          Alcohol is like wasabi … you develop a taste for it. Sure email it to me. It might make a nice post as well … show your other side.

  10. hahahaha, this brightened my mood :)
    as a kid my top quest used to be:-
    “MUM DAD WHY ON EARTH U DIDNT INVITE ME TO UR WEDDING, HUNH? HUNH?”

    ahh those innocent days :)

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      lol that’s a funny question. I especially love the ‘HUNH? HUNH?” lmao

  11. umanbn says:

    Funny…and true…My 6yr old daughter asked me, What´s beyond the universe? I told here that a lot of the cleverest men in the world are still trying to figure that one out? there must be a million more questions out ther like that….

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Kids are brilliant in their innocence, curiosity and wonder. Ah, I remember when my nieces and nephews were that age. I loved it because I still considered them babies, but they were old enough to have a conversation. I wish adults had the perfect answer to all questions kids ask, but I guess that’s what growing up is all about … kids will eventually find their own answers … we just have to be ready to accept it if and when their answers to questions isn’t agreeable to us.

  12. Pingback: My Funny Insanity « Lafemmeroar

  13. You’ll like my post “Fatherisms” 6/17/10. Same truths.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Okay. I’ll have to check it out :)

  14. aeliusblythe says:

    I did miss this post! Glad to have found it. This one always made me especially mad as a kid:

    Why do I have to order from the children’s menu when I can eat more than you can?
    Small people must eat small portions.

    Arg.

    I never asked my parents about sex, love, birth control, marriage, or boyfriends. That was what school was for learning about. Not the classrooms, though. The cafeteria taught me all I needed to know.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      lmao Some people learned about sex “on the streets” you learned while eating bad school food. Have you ever heard of the hot dog and bun analogy?

  15. The funniest stuff is usually true. I love the “ask your father” response on birth control. Ann Landers used to say, “Take two aspirin, put them between your knees, and keep them there!” More useful than anything I learned from Mom! Loved this, Amy
    http://sharplittlepencil.wordpress.com/2011/10/02/absinthe-3ww/

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thanks Amy. I guess aspirin is good for more than just headaches :)

  16. This is hilarious! You definitely deserve to win Best Humor Blog!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Aw thank you. I just need more voters lol. But in the end I’m glad that readers have voted for me and I just love when I see words like: lol, lmao, rofl and hilarious in the comments. I’ve already won when I see readers saying that :)

      • marcialoyd says:

        Lol LMAO rofl Hilarious! (there ya go) Seriously though, this sounds like my parents!!!

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          Maybe we’re siblings from a different womb lol :)

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