Sex and the Freudian Slip

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Because I’m single and dateless, that also means I’m “sexless,” but that doesn’t mean I don’t think about it. In fact I think more about sex when I’m not getting it. I think about sex multiple times a day–hell multiple times an hour and sometimes multiple times a minute when I have my quickie thoughts.

I can be teary-eyed while cutting up an onion, but my mind will be engrossed with thoughts about scorching the sheets with some hot fantasy male. In fact I’m thinking about sex now. I think about sex so much that I’ve suffered many embarrassing Freudian slips because of it.

While inside a donut shop I said “sex” instead of “six. I should have just said “half-dozen.”

******************

I was listening to an oldies radio station in the car with a date and that song by Bill Haley and the Comets came on. I crooned “Rock around the cock tonight.” I forgot the “L.” The guy thought I was horny and easy. He was right about the first part. 

******************

I saw a hunky cashier at the gas station and I just wanted to eat him up. I said number “69” instead of number 10. Now 69 doesn’t even come close to 10, which goes to show you that I wanted nookie more than gas.

******************

I was sending an email and instead of typing “thorny territory” I typed “horny territory.” The damn spell checker didn’t recognize my mistake and I sent it through. The receiver responded with “lol, you need to go out more often.” Damn M.I.L.K. was right!

Tell me about your Freudian slips.

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© 2011 Lafemmeroar


About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

53 Responses to Sex and the Freudian Slip

  1. Hahahahah, apparently getting OUT isn’t helping, getting laid might…

  2. HAHA!! 69 for 10… awesome.
    ps you should probably stay away from my blog today, it may push you over the edge.

  3. totsymae1011 says:

    Oh honey, take a trip to the toy store or something 🙂 I hate to see you suffering this way.

  4. theladyinredink says:

    Yeah, I think the “69” thing is my favorite. That’s why I always pay at the pump! 🙂

  5. The Incog-Negro says:

    Recently had a conversation with a female coworker where we talked about a woman kissing a young boy on the cheek without his permission. Jokingly, I suggested that he should have said “hey lady, the only woman that can put her lips on me is my mom!” Well, all of the ladies in the room started laughing at the innuendo. Every attempt I made to ‘clean up’ my joke was worse than the original double entendre! Only a room full of white women can make a black man blush…

  6. You got me giggling, Girlfriend! You also got me thinking about sex. I’m feeling gooooood…

  7. –OMG, this was a CLassic! Love love love it.
    my funny bone is even giggling 🙂
    Serious.

  8. L says:

    HA! Love these. Thanks dropping in and shedding you insight. I would MUCH rather be single and happy then in a relationship as well!

  9. Thomas Gatsby Ink says:

    The imagery of “Rock around the cock” is legendary haha

    Once told a girl that I wanted to “eat her out”, which, of course, was supposed to be “take her out to eat”. WHOOPS!

  10. Pingback: Sex and the Freudian Slip (via Lafemmeroar) « The Incog-Negro

  11. Maxim says:

    Oh, yes. The age old freudian slip. I’ve almost forgotten about this since I’ve been in Japan so long, no chance for them. But even if I am speaking english, I’m just gonna straight up tell them I’m horny. Leave no chance for the slip!

  12. Brittany says:

    Oh..my..god. I cannot stop laughing. Your raw humor is AMAZING!

  13. Posky says:

    I once had sex with someone instead of just driving them home. I’m not sure that counts as a freudian slip though. That just seems like we both got drunk.

    This was a really good post.

    I hope you get what you want soon.

  14. I think even Freud would have to stand back and say, “Whoa. That’s a big one!” to the 69 slip.

  15. ….and now you know what it’s like to be a man 🙂

  16. Stuology says:

    A romp of a read, it thrusts hard a and deep into the chasm of single life. I’m a single fella too, so naturally I’m an enthusiast of Art films due to my long days and nights, of longing for a bit a action. Though when I’m not writing one liners on endless writing benders, If I do go out, I just sit in the corner now having a laugh at being surrounded by horny men! The few ladies that do take a fancy are normally bigger girls, though they are easy to pick up.

  17. beider says:

    Hmm, I tend not to do this even when I am horny. Even though as a guy it can be annoying to get a boner all the fucking time when I have gone without sex for a while. Particularly when I am in a public place, like say public swimming pool full of families with children.

    At least it is possible to hide in the water, easier than explaining to the kid that his mom is a MILF.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      OMG, I totally forgot that men have their own Freudian slips without ever having to open their mouths!!!!!!!!!!!! hehehe I guess that’s Mother Nature’s way of punishing your species. 🙂

  18. Doctor Shoko says:

    You know you’re horny when — Well, you kinda covered it all ‘-‘
    Great post :O

  19. When reading form the bible I accidently said the “genitals” instead of Gentiles. My teacher was not impressed!

  20. deelyee says:

    You always have a way of putting a smile on my face 🙂 i can relate to what you are feeling :)))))

  21. I have Freudian slips every day…..at work.
    That last slip of your killed me with laughter.

    Thanks.

  22. ur posts never fail to make me laugh like hell!
    though i never had such incidents but quite recently when i was talking to a lady over something related to hair-removing and instead of ‘wax’ i blurted out sex, GOD that was so embarrassing! she looked at me with such weird expressions, and whats more im just an innocent just-turned-20-year-old virgin :/

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Virgin did you say? Ah, no wonder wax I mean sex is always on your mind. You might be inexperienced technically speaking, but I bet you’re a master in theory 🙂

  23. kiwikar says:

    Hm… I left my Ex last year in September and I totally feel your pain. At least I know my dry spell will end soon. Hopefully. ^^

  24. Ms. NOYB says:

    This reminds me of my predictive text problem I have. My phone likes to insert words like “Ghurka” and “Mitsuya” and other shit that is not related to my thoughts. My mind is usually on sex too, but I bet you know this by now:)

  25. Dawn Dash says:

    I remember being a sixteen year old kid in biology class and saying ‘orgasm’ instead of ‘organism’. At that age, it really was just an innocent mistake. Now twelve years on… it wouldn’t be quite so innocent.

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