Sexual Manifesto of a Single Woman

I refuse to be promiscuous. I’m a serial monogamist and I can still count my partners in my head even though I’d like to forget about some of them.

I refuse to pay for sex, but I’ve paid in non-monetary ways through aggravation, misery, heartache and time.

I believe in ladies first. Selfish men are made for real dolls not real women.

I don’t mind bondage so long as I’m the one with the free hands and feet. 

Size doesn’t matter. You don’t have to be a “cock star” baby to be in my bed. You just need vigor and endurance. 

A good mind “f&ck” is the best foreplay.

You can be an animal in bed so long as you’re gentlemanly about it. 

Sex can happen anytime, but true love is once in a lifetime

Just because you’ve made me scream and moan doesn’t mean I’ll nod and say yes to anything else.

I like men who are into breasts, but I hate mammas boys

Being single doesn’t mean desperate. I’m picky, but I do tend to pick wrong sometimes. 

I’m an expert on self-love. Why I’ve broken many “buzzers” in my time. How many men can say that they’ve broken their hand spanking the monkey?

What’s your sexual manifesto?

Nominated for Best Humor Blog at Bloggers Choice Awards. Please vote 🙂


Join the Crazy Chicks Club.

Visit my page on Facebook.

Check out the latest: Crazy Freaks Club.

© 2011 Lafemmeroar

About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

35 Responses to Sexual Manifesto of a Single Woman

  1. this is awesome! neat post.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thanks for reading and subscribing 🙂

  2. Eric says:

    “I believe in ladies first.”

    Absolutely, I’m old school – My grandfather taught me that. Once that is understood and applied on an everyday fundamental level then it will translate into everything, and every “place” else. Ha!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Abso-freakin-lutely! 🙂

  3. –The only men I know who ‘Are Not’ into breasts are GAY!
    I love a man who is REALLY INTO ME 🙂
    I mean “IT’s All about ME ME ME!
    I must have been a CAT in my last life.
    XX Kiss for you, Laf.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Kiss back at ya … you crazy chick. I agree that I love a man “INTO ME.” ::) Purrrrrrrr…

  4. That’s what I can living out loud! I love it!

    My sexual manifesto? Well, I’ll have to give that some thought. I was in a marriage where I was celebate for 10 years. I was thinking of petitioning the Catholic Church to add a new Sacrement: Revirginization and I could be the first one thusly annointed “revirginized.”

    I am now divorced (just over a year) and living with a supremely kind, loving, funny, smart, handsome, virile, wildly sexy man who just adores me. So I’m no virgin or revirgin–just a 53 year old woman living the dream!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Now your life is what I call living life to the fullest 🙂 Hurray for second chances!

  5. totsymae1011 says:

    I could name a few points but right off, a man who respects my creative space is essential. I was married to someone jealous of the time I needed to be creative. I’m not selfish with my time but I don’t need anyone who will be selfish with it either.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Good one!
      Freedom to be creative can let the juices flow 🙂

  6. Broken hand? No! No?

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Vigorous spanking 🙂

  7. You made me chuckle out loud! I love it!

  8. Aurora says:

    Well… now… I had no Sexual Manifesto. But you always get my cogs turning about things I may not otherwise ponder. Suffice it to say I may copy Lorna and go a tad religious when I say “Do unto others…” That’s about it. “Into Me,” Kindness & Consideration Rock!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      “Do unto him what you would like done unto you?” (wink)

  9. jsh0608 says:

    That last one made me LOL!!!! This post was good. :0)

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      lolling is always good 🙂

  10. Katie says:

    I absolutely love your first line about being able to count the number of partners in your head although you wish you could forget a few. I like it because you are owning your past and recognizing that, though mistakes might have been made, they don’t define you. Anywho, I love this!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Aw, thank you so much. Past foolishness is probably what makes wise older women 🙂

  11. Mizz says:

    I like the first one, but this is my fav: A good mind “f&ck” is the best foreplay.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Ah, one of my favs as well. It’s the prerequisite for a happy ending 🙂

  12. beider says:

    I really like this post!

    “I refuse to pay for sex, but I’ve paid in non-monetary ways through aggravation, misery, heartache and time.”

    Did anyone ever ask you to pay for sex??

    “I believe in ladies first. Selfish men are made for real dolls not real women.”

    Completely agree on that one, ladies first, second, third, fifth, sixth and seventh if possible. Depends on the girl of course, some girls can only come once before they are spent.

    “I don’t mind bondage so long as I’m the one with the free hands and feet.”

    I like holding girls down, I like being a bit dominant so fucking a girl while holding her hands down is sexy as hell for me. But then again if the girl likes to be dominant I don’t like being dominated, heck if she wants she can be rough and physically hurt me (within reasons, a bite or a couple of hard slaps doesn’t leave permanent scars)

    “A good mind “f&ck” is the best foreplay.”

    ❤ Fucking with a girls mind is so much fun, I like making them beg for it. Then again that might be my dominant side coming out, but they enjoy it as well 🙂

    "You can be an animal in bed so long as you’re gentlemanly about it."

    Treat her like a slut in the bedroom and a queen in the living room has always been my mantra. I am working on a book review of some sex books for my blog, I think you would like them. You should check out some of David Shade's stuff, I could send you some books if you want just contact me per email if you want them.

    "Just because you’ve made me scream and moan doesn’t mean I’ll nod and say yes to anything else."

    I would like to say thank you to all guys who expect this because it makes me seem that much more awesome when I am not like this 😛 Also I pity you girls for having to deal with this crap.

    "I like men who are into breasts, but I hate mammas boys."

    BOOBS! ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ BOOBS!

    "Being single doesn’t mean desperate. I’m picky, but I do tend to pick wrong sometimes."

    Amen sister.

    "I’m an expert on self-love. Why I’ve broken many “buzzers” in my time. How many men can say that they’ve broken their hand spanking the monkey?"

    I made my monkey sore one time too many, see the second time you have to be a bit rougher. Then the third time even more rough, etc… This is particulary bad when you have a horny hangover, the seventh time you just wank through the pain while watching shemale midget porn or some crazy stuff like that. I have considered getting a fleshlight, but sadly male sex toys are not as accepted as female ones. Double standard anyone?

    • beider says:

      Correction,

      “But then again if the girl likes to be dominant I don’t like being dominated”

      I meant “I don’t mind being dominated”

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Answer to: “Did anyone ever ask you to pay for sex?? Of course … in trade.

  13. kiwikar says:

    Completely agree with you on the mindfuck. There’s nothing better! And if he does that well he can just skip the foreplay altogether.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Well said you awesome crazy chick!

      • kiwikar says:

        Hehehe! 😀

  14. Zoe @ Pantry and Fridge says:

    It’s nice to see a woman who knows wth she wants, and doesn’t want!
    Enjoyed this!! 🙂

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thanks. It’s one of my earlier posts that I enjoyed writing 🙂 BTW, I made this yummy dressing that I got to email you 🙂

  15. Perfectly written! I love it!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thanks Jayme 🙂

  16. jezibelle says:

    I have a friend who found out (the hard way) that its best not to put your “buzzer” in the microwave. However, it makes a great dildo soup.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      @jezbelle

      Your comment reminds me of a post titled Appetite Los and Bad Vibrations of the Baby Baton No dildo soup, but lots of embarrassment.

  17. I don’t mind tellin ya that I have been around the block a few times so to speak but I never had sex with one of these manifestos. Is it a machine? Is it an alien?

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      It’s a hybrid “machinalien” gets my groove on 😛

Talk to me :)

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: