‘Twas the Night of My Date–Poetic Revenge

‘Twas the night of my date, when all through the house

I ran like a loon while buttoning my blouse

Tucked in my purse was a condom just in case

We ended the night in amorous embrace 

My doubts I kept hidden and snug in my head 

Be positive said all the books I have read 

I sat and waited for his knock on my door

When no one came knocking my heart fell to the floor

Then I heard the phone ring with “the” dreaded call

It was my date saying he’d had a bad fall

I listened as my noodle started thinking 

That something in his words was surely stinking

So I found his address and there was the show 

He was bumping and grinding my friend the ho!

My heart cried a bit but my noodle plotted 

Behind bushes to prevent being spotted

With my cell phone in hand, I focused and clicked

On their nudity a good angle I picked

Then I ran like a stalker back to my car 

Which thankfully was not parked very far

Lafemme, what are you doing my conscience roared

Oh shut up I said because I have grown bored

With taking the licking from god awful schlongs

Who do not think twice when they’re doing their wrongs

To a woman like me with such pure intent

But now is the time for my anger to vent

Back home I distorted and photoshopped pics

I then turned his big schlong into a small dick

Her tummy morphed to a muffin top belly

While a romance movie played on the teli

I finished my “art” of their intimacy

Then I shared it for all of the world to see 

I posted “it” on his Twitter and Facebook

Blimey had I become an Internet crook?

But nothing is vile in equating the wrongs

Of the misdeeds done by a ho and a schlong

I uploaded and clicked the pics in a jiff

Then I sat back and sipped my apéritif

Let it be said never to vex one like me

My noodle will always find vengeance with glee

Thank you technology my weapon of choice

You’ve given my anger ubiquitous voice

In this adventure is how I got even

With a devious schlong named Richard Stevens

Disclaimer: The above is for entertainment purposes. Lafemmeroar would never take pics of two people bumping uglies with her phone as she does not yet know how to use that bit of technology even though she’s a photoshop expert. And if she did do such a “misdeed” she would do so anonymously–she’s crazy, but she ain’t STUPID.Any similarity to persons (Dick Richard Steven) living or dead is purely coincidental, but if this has happened to you before and you start getting ideas of revenge, Lafemmeroar is NOT to be held liable or responsible for any consequences, injuries, fatalities OR EMBARRASSMENTS that may occur in the enactment of the above post.

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© 2011 Lafemmeroar

About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

87 Responses to ‘Twas the Night of My Date–Poetic Revenge

  1. mysterycoach says:

    HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!! THAT’S SO FUNNY! lol !

  2. Hahahahahahah…excellent!!!

  3. Alfonso L says:

    Being a law student I must say I particularly loved your disclaimer 😉

  4. Phil says:

    And I heard her exclaim ‘ere she drove out of sight
    “Happy vengeance is mine! And to them a good fight…”

    With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore.

  5. Dear Lord, how long did this take you? It’s pure genius! 🙂 🙂

  6. hollyjb says:

    Loved it! Although I think it would have had more of an impact in December, but that’s just me, lol. Awesome a million times over!!!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thanks Holly. I thought about releasing it in December, but I just couldn’t wait … I’m an impatient crazy chick 🙂

      • hollyjb says:

        Haha, I can relate. Actually, I kind want to start listening to Christmas music already….but I will hold out till November at least. I have to put together a creepy Halloween playlist to have playing while the little kiddies come to the door for candy…..MUWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          I love Christmas eating–I hate Christmas shopping. This year will be different for me since I haven’t eaten meat in a while. How am I going to stay away from the turkey? I don’t know if I’ll do anything for Halloween. I can’t think of anything scary to write about. “Whacky scary” maybe … let me ruminate 🙂

          • hollyjb says:

            Oh, I’m sure you’ll think of something. I don’t think I could ever live my entire life (or really any lengthy stretch of time) w/o meat – I’m totally a carnivore :D. I like eggs and peanut butter….but not that much, lol.

            ps. I do know there are other sources of protein out there 😛

            • Lafemmeroar says:

              I still eat dairy (yogurt and I love cheese platters) and eggs. I just haven’t touched beef, pork or chicken. I still eat fish though. So I’m not a vegetarian. I have learned to make seitan, which is a good meat substitute for me. I also haven’t had fast food or potato chips (sniff sniff–I love my chips). I still eat a ton though only now my tons of food are healthier. I knew I could never go on a diet, but I had to change something.

              • hollyjb says:

                Hey! That’s good! I mean, I eat a lot, it’s just bad stuff. You have to find a balance. It sounds like you’ve found one that works for you. I think the most important thing is that you enjoy what you’re eating. And if you can make healthy food super enjoyable even better! I know it is enjoyable, it’s just a lot of us have been tricked by ‘fake’ food so now our taste buds are all messed up, lol.

  7. totsymae1011 says:

    You put some time into that. My goodness, I’m glad to be a female after reading this. Although you haven’t acted on this, some women have. That’s a lot of energy to be using on some chap.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I guess for some wronged women–it’s energy well spent lol. The edits to stay consistent in the meter took time, which is why I worked on it for a few days. I have ADD when it comes to writing my posts. I tend to squeeze them in between other projects/writing/ work. Thanks for the visit Totsy 🙂

  8. Zoe @ Pantry and Fridge says:

    ….and you’re a poet?
    Niiiiiiiiice 😀

  9. SilentMyth says:

    Ahhhh.. Lovely and as usual it cracked me up.. I have to admit here i was a little disappointed when i got to the part where you have put the disclaimer. You almost made me believe you =P

  10. Aneesa says:

    Hahahahaha you are so wicked 😉

    The disclaimer funny 😉

  11. stevebetz says:

    Seems like you’re getting into the holiday spirit!

    Though what holiday I’m not particularly sure… 🙂

  12. molly says:

    A touch of rock ‘n roll poetry with a dollop of humour and a flick of revenge theme – good pace too, cheers catchul8r molly,

  13. magsx2 says:

    Hi,
    Absolutely brilliant, I love it, and I love the disclaimer as well, good thinking. 😆

  14. todaysworkingwoman says:

    The next time someone has done me wrong, I’m calling you!

  15. Bravo on rhyming aperitif! Maybe mental vengeance could become a new healing art, we can offer classes as alternatives to yoga

  16. Bodhirose says:

    I love your whacky poem–you are brilliant! I know where to come to get my endorphins pumping! xoxo

  17. sami116 says:

    HAHAHAHA!! Usually when I see something soo good my mind often makes comparison with other established people in the same field but when I read this there was nothing to compare with. You’re in a class of your own Lafemme 😀

    PS: I like how EMBARRASSMENTs featured on to that post, if you get what I mean. 😉

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      lol sami. When the powers that be created me, they broke the mold … rather I broke it trying to get the hell out as I’m claustrophobic.

      • mysterycoach says:

        I’m claustrophobic myself. Ever get stuck in an elevator? I have… I was chattering away the whole time because it was better than freaking out. LOL 🙂 Nope, none of the chatter made any sense whatsoever.

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          I don’t mind if I know I’ll only be there for a very short time. So elevators when I’m alone is ok, but if we’re packed like sardines–Oh no, my breath begins to quicken ….

          • hollyjb says:

            You would have liked the elevator in the music department at my university – big enough for a baby grand piano! And actually, if you took off the legs I’m pretty sure you could fit a full grand in there….I’m almost positive they had one on one of the floors…..

            Also, lots of percussion instruments. And a lot of people.

            When I was in Brussels once I was at the Musical Instruments Museum with a couple of friends and we piled on the teeny elevator to go to the roof. Then it stopped. We thought we were too heavy, but then were all, no, there’s not that many people, it’s just the two strollers that are taking up all the space. The cool thing is the entire elevator was glass so we could see out. Turns out, we were over the red lines by the door. As soon as we squished a little closer it started moving again. We weren’t the only ones to make it stop that day, lol.

  18. I was laughing by the force line and laughing and wincing by the end. That was great

  19. I will admit I was a little disappointment when I realized I wasn’t going to see the work of art 🙂 Oh well, thank you for the clever and very funny poem.

  20. I loved it, now that’s the sort of poetry i like , something with a good story, just like mine 🙂

  21. munchow says:

    I really like this poet, the everyday look at life. And with such wit. Fun all the way to the end, and very well written.

  22. Aurora, HSP says:

    ROTF LMBO again and again LOL

  23. zemeraime says:

    Lol!! I love it!
    Brilliant

  24. Cinnamon says:

    PURE ART. I loved it. (Of course I now have the rythmn to ‘Twas the night before Christmas” stuck in my head….thank you very much. LOL

  25. Anna says:

    Ha, that was really good! 🙂

  26. souldipper says:

    Confession as I eagerly read the poem – she’s going to post this and it’s going to be the wrong house! Fun fiction, La Femme!

  27. PD Williams says:

    I’m STILL laughing! You are SO vicious!

  28. The Hook says:

    Remind me not to piss you off….

  29. alanschuyler says:

    My new favorite line of all time:
    “Of the misdeeds done by a ho and a schlong”

  30. I was going to ask if this actually happened before I read your disclaimer! LOL
    No guy better mess with you!

  31. starvingartist45 says:

    Powerful!

  32. coupletastic says:

    Hilarious! I love your blog!!
    Kristin
    http://www.coupletastic.com

  33. amor24 says:

    They need to make a ‘love’ button as well because I LOVED this post! My Crazy Ass Chick 🙂

  34. ericmvogt says:

    Bahahahahahahah (still laughing, not enough bahas on my phone! 😉

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