From Hell to Pleasure–A Poem
October 23, 2011 56 Comments
Twas all Hallows Eve and all through the house
I heard creepy noises could it be a mouse?
I checked all the rooms and down through the hall
Then I heard it tap tapping right through the wall
My heart filled with fright and I ran to the door
Ready to scream then I tripped on the floor
I lifted my head and out came a creature
It looked like a monster from some sci-fi feature
His head had two horns that twirled here and there
With fury he said you’re going nowhere
In fear I stood up and begged for my life
He laughed at my words and said you are my wife
I looked at my hand and lo’ there’s the band
Was I truly wed-locked here in crazy land?
A Sasquatch I married his body hirsute
His temper is fully that of a brute
How could I say yes to a creature so ghoulish?
Then I remembered when I was so foolish
In love and enthralled I fell under his spell
That’s when my life went from heaven to hell
He yelled fix my dinner I’m hungry tonight
I ran to the kitchen to get out of sight
So frightened and scared I started to chop
My tears trickled down for my life was a flop
His sinister voice screamed hurry you wench
And bring me some ale for my thirst needs to quench
I moved like a drone; his own private slave
Maybe I’m dead and entombed in this grave?
Then my noodle burst forth a flicker of life
I looked at my hand where I held the knife
I then gave my monster his ale and his schnitzel
Then I attacked the inglorious weasel
My feet shuffled fast then my knife whacked a horn
He wept and he pleaded; please spare me your scorn
In frenzied delight I whacked, whacked and whacked
When my eye saw his schlong I was taken a back
For I did not recall it being so long
A great big idea from my mind grew strong
I told him to sit his ass on the couch
From this day on you’ll stop being a grouch
Our fates will now change; from now on I lead
And I’ll use your schlong to service my need
First you will change from monster to hunk
Your temper no longer be that of a punk
In silence he sat; his eyes full of wonder
At who he treated with such shameless blunder
The doctor I called for a surgical request
For my husband I said at his own bequest
A cut here and there and electrolysis
Thus began his long due metamorphosis
Now I’m happy; I’m a chick in control
Of her “bound” husband the once monstrous troll
Now he’s transformed into an obedient toy
Through sheer cunning of this crazy chick’s ploy
In fear he works nightly to pleasure his wife
This is his sentence for the rest of his life
Disclaimer: The above is for entertainment purposes. Lafemmeroar is not married and the only monsters and trolls she knows are her exes. Wives or girlfriends reading this post should not get any funny ideas about whacking horns with a knife. Horns are hard and they are best whacked with a power tool. Any similarity to monsters and trolls living or dead is purely coincidental. Lafemmeroar is NOT to be held liable or responsible for any consequences, injuries, or fatalities that may occur in the enactment of the above post.
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© 2011 Lafemmeroar
Hahah!!!! I say he deserved it. Ha!
I think so too even though it’s just imaginary 🙂
Your noodles are totally high on something lately :p Give me one dose of that and I shall survive Le Exams. Oh btw when I voted for ur blog, there came an unholy error. :s
You can have a bit of noodle anytime. And thanks for voting 🙂 I hope it went through. Still it’s the effort that counts and for that I’m grateful 🙂
Hi,
That was great, a perfect poem coming up to Halloween. 😀
It was a little “Helloweenie” no pumpkins though 🙂 Thanks …
Hahahaha, awesome!
Thanks Holly, a hahaha from you always brings a smile to my face 🙂
I can see why you were nominated! Great work!
Aw thanks Hook 🙂 So sweet.
Hmmm, Now he’s transformed into an obedient toy. luv this one thanks for making me laugh great article indeed :p 🙂
It’s important to get a good laugh on Mondays 🙂
hmmmmm 🙂
Huh! Who’s your Mistress now, monster?!?! 🙂
Frighteningly delightful.
Oh Phil, you got the gist of the poem 🙂
Must have been a huge Halloweenie. And I love the self-improvement tag
I think whacking horns is part of self-improvement 🙂
wow
u cud actually write a children’s book of rhymes, after some censoring off course
I don’t think any one has ever used the word hirsut in a poem before
or electrolysis for tht matter
cheers!
I try to vary my vocal 🙂
oh lol these posts of your are getting funnier and funnier and i look forward to the disclaimer even more… keep it up 🙂
Thanks Aneesa. I’ll try to keep up the chuckles 🙂 Hope readers are this nice when/if I publish my book 🙂
*When* L, *when*. ;).
You’ll be the first to know … if it happens lol
Lol!
I don’t know whether to be amazed or scared….
But I will be back to read some more. 😉
Please ‘serviced lady’ may I add you Blog to my list?
“your Blog”
Absolutely. I’d be honored to be included in your list 🙂
You, my friend are on one major roll. I bow to the queen of verse! 🙂
The Queen of “Whacky Verse” I did add a Poetry page so readers can see the other poems I’ve written. I just have more fun with the humorous one because they’re easier to write. One day I’m going to write a super serious one! Thanks again Lorna 🙂
Oh my! Two hilarious poems back to back done like Twas the night before Christmas…you are truly creative AND funny! 🙂
Thank you Sharon 🙂 Glad you got a chuckle out of it 🙂
—Dear, L.
You. Are. A. True. Poet. :)))) haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
lol Thank you. My noodle just can’t stop with the revenge rhymes — 🙂
Your noodle is just so awesome for giving us things like that to read. This was Brilliant.. =)
Aw thank you. I’m here to entertain … glad you enjoyed it 🙂
Excellent. Full of good stuff. I must be careful how I behave around you
lol I’m not that bad …. or am I? 🙂
No. You are not bad. Well if you are it’s in a good way… LOL… but what would I know, love your mind. And your Night before Hallowe’en poetry. You are on a roll, LFR! LMAO
For some reason I’m into the rhyming mode. I loosely call it poetry. The next post about writing will rhyme as well … 🙂
It’s a case of ‘make haste, secrete the family jewels, Lafemmeroar is on da loose!’ cheers catchul8r molly
i am on the loose rhyming with posts. Wait for the next one 🙂
You are bad. By the way, what kind of knife did you use? It would make a great info-mercial.
It was manufactured by a company called Hatchetville and it was your basic butcher’s knife 🙂 Oh I can see the infomercial know.
“This knife is so sharp it even cuts those nasty monster horns in a jiffy …”
sounds like a win/win
It certainly is for the wife 😛
For a second there, I thought for sure his schlong was going to be a goner! But no, you transformed him to be your sexy boy toy–yay for you!!
This is great, Laf!
I like the twist endings 🙂
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Loved. Every. Word.
And I loved writing every word of it 🙂 So glad you liked it!!!!
You have hit my tickle button! 😀 And I get the moral (I use this term loosely): Some schlongs are worth saving. Very liberal of you, lemme! Roflmao!
Aw Eric! You have truly made my Saturday afternoon. Here I am baking cookies and trying to figure out code on one my badge buttons and I see your comment 🙂 You are truly a schlong worth saving 🙂
I have numerous exes with axes who likely follow your blog and would take exception to your analysis, but thank you! 😉
LOL!
Oh, yes, I remember this one! You are such a hoot, Noodles! 🙂
You were truly inspired when you wrote this :)))
I was!