Have you ever …?

Zoesees inspired this post.

Have you ever …

met a man you didn’t like only to date him and realize that you truly didn’t like him?

hid from someone you haven’t seen in years because you looked like crap that day?

looked in the mirror and said who is that?

ordered 3 super-sized fries at a McDonalds and asked for separate bags so the cashier wouldn’t think it was for you?

kicked a man on the balls and actually enjoyed seeing his pain?

accidentally sat down on a wet toilet seat while using the public restroom?

spent a whole weekend watching romance movies then got depressed over your man less life?

had everyone staring at you and thought you were the hottest thing on two legs only to find out you were dragging a train of toilet tissue?

been caught picking your nose in your car during rush hour traffic?

had your butt itch so bad that you just had to scratch and didn’t give a hoot who saw?

spilled tomato juice on your crotch while out in public?

thought that your relatives are possessed by aliens?

been blamed for passing gas when it was actually the kid next to you?

mistaken salt for sugar?

sneezed on a platter of food, but served it anyway?

Have you ever?

Disclaimer: The above post is not to be mistaken as something Lafemmeroar did or will ever do. In her convoluted, twisted noodle Lafemmeroar thinks she’s perfect in every way. In fact she is so perfect that even her poo exudes the aroma of expensive perfume. She has never made a mistake and she lives a malfunction less life. Her friends are so jealous of her perfect life and they love her so much that they all pitched in and gifted her an extended vacation to Looney Land. 

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© 2011 Lafemmeroar

About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

57 Responses to Have you ever …?

  1. jezibelle says:

    Wow, I fart rainbows and butterflies… you poo expensive perfume…. We must be long-lost sisters.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I bet you just beautify the room when you do that bodily function 🙂 lmao You’re cute.

    • tamariez says:

      I pee out skittles and sunshine? Does that count?? lol

      • Lafemmeroar says:

        I certainly does and it makes the world a more colorful place to be. ah lalalalalalalalalala lol 🙂

  2. Ugly Shoelace says:

    Love the post. Love the disclaimer even more.

    And I’d say I have looked at the mirror and said “who the fuck is that” quite a few times.

    All relatives are possessed by aliens and demons.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      ooh you should have a very interesting Halloween if you see your family this weekend 🙂

  3. It’s crazy how we lie to ourselves and attempt to convince ourselves of things directly contrary to all evidence of their untruth.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      @Carl

      I agree. I try to convince myself of my faults, but all evidence shows that I have none. That’s why I’m enjoying my stay at Looney Land. 🙂

  4. hollyjb says:

    All the time with romantic movies. Haha, but such is life right? I can be patient…I think. 😉

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I am a patient woman as well … 🙂 In fact I can win the Patience Award.

      • hollyjb says:

        Yay for the Patience Award! 😛

  5. zemeraime says:

    I have been to the local fast food place many times,, and say “Im getting food for my Dad”,, knowing all of it is for me!! lol
    And butt scratchin,, yep Im guilty!! 🙂

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Oh we’re sisters from another womb … 🙂 Oh but I forget I never do any of those things … wait where am I again? Oh yeah Looney Land. I need to get my realities straight 🙂
      P.S. If men can grab their schlongs in public then chicks can scratch an itch now and then.

  6. I’ve done 2 of those, but I’m not saying which ones.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      lol you are one mysterious chick 🙂

  7. totsymae1011 says:

    No, no, no, I never sat on a wet toilet seat in public. I squat. ALWAYS!

    I have looked in the mirror and thought, “Now, I’ve just got to do something about that.”

    Hate it when I look like crap and get caught by folk in public. They look at you like you’re a loser.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Wouldn’t it just we the worst to sit down “to make water” and realize that your tush is wet? OMG gagging moment–squatting builds good thigh muscles 🙂

  8. magsx2 says:

    Hi,
    I have often looked in the mirror and wondered “who is that”, it is definitely the age thing, the years just seem to have gone so quickly. 😀

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Sometimes I think I’m looking at a total stranger ….

  9. amor24 says:

    Your disclaimers are funnier than your posts. How is that even possible. LOL

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I think I’ll take that as a compliment 🙂

  10. 13dice says:

    The disclaimer looks like a big white lie.. I will bet that Lafemmeroar could tick 7 out of the 15 points.. LOL

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      hehehehe Having a sane second here …. only 7? lmao you’ve certainly got my number 13dice 🙂

      I LOVE IT!!!!!!

  11. hehehe. this made me smile 🙂 i’ve definitely done a couple. also, i spilled coffee on my butt the other day and it looked like poo. i was in public. i spill a lot.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Ah you have what I call the Crazy Chick Grace in Public 🙂

  12. Zoë says:

    I like this much better than the one I posted. I am having an identity crisis with ZoeSees… Deleted the few posts I didn’t like, leaving one. Crazy that I can’t put out onto the screen what’s in my head if it isn’t FOOD. Arrrgh.
    Oh, the shame.

    🙂

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Are you kidding me? I thought your post was awesome!!!!!!!! That’s why I did one–(I’m such a copycat:))) I linked to the post, but I saw it was gone 😦 oh well.
      ATTENTION readers Zoe also blogs over at http://pantryandfridge.wordpress.com/ check it out. The site will make you hungry because her recipes are out of this world!

      P.S. Your description of the blog nominees I thought were very well written! You absolutely can express what’s in your head other than food 🙂 Tell your crisis to take a vacation 🙂 BTW You should post your recipe pics at the CCC pics page and link it to your blog 🙂

  13. mysterycoach says:

    Your disclaimers are SO funny!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thank you. They’re meant to protect me more than anything else. 🙂

      • mysterycoach says:

        And I understand why too, I work in the legal field LOL 🙂

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          @mysterycoach

          Yeah, those disclaimers might be funny, but they’re like bullet proof vests 🙂

          • mysterycoach says:

            Yup. I hear ya LOL !

  14. Aurora, HSP says:

    Howling at the moon because it’s Hallowe’en soon and howling at you because you are always so hilarious… yes, I’ve done a few of those things. Haven’t we all, lol

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I know. I just can’t fool anybody with that damn disclaimer.

  15. I never sit on bathroom toilet seats. I squat and use that time as part of my exercise routine! 😉

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Lorna I love it. I think everybody squats and release except for the rare mishaps 🙂

      • mysterycoach says:

        “… part of my exercise routine”… ROFLMAO!!!!

  16. mooselicker says:

    Yes, unfortunately about half of them.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      lol mooselicker

      We are all unique and oh so similar … 🙂

  17. iwillnoteatthedarkness says:

    I once got caught picking my nose in rush hour traffic not by a total stranger but by a guy I was trying to get to ask me out! At first, he waved whole-heartedly at me and then saw me digging for gold and stopped mid-wave with a look of confusion, disgust and nearly laughter. Needless to say, we never dated.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      OMG! Don’t you wish that bit of reality was a nightmare instead? I have to say it’s a small world seeing your crush during rush hour. But it can happen. That was your universe telling you that it was not meant to be. If it were, you guys would have connected “buggers” and all. 🙂

  18. Phil's Lounge says:

    Lol! Thanks miss perfect. 😉

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Oh didn’t mean to give you that impression …. I hope you know this blog relies on my imperfections for material 🙂 And much like these pics … I’m a walking fashion disaster 😛

      • Phil's Lounge says:

        Yea, I know, I’m just playing with you. 😉
        As for a walking fashion disaster…surely not….lol!

  19. kdaddy23 says:

    You had me laughing right up to the kicking the balls, which is anything but funny when you have balls. Never understood why people think that’s funny…

  20. Xehraaa says:

    Lafamme! I wish I were anon so I could confess all of the above. 😛 Public toilets are truly wet pain in the ass if that could mean something/anything 😉 This post cracked me up totally. What an omen for a day to begin with 😀

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      @Xehraaa
      I hope your day doesn’t contain any of these malfunctions of the universe.

  21. aeliusblythe says:

    “ordered 3 super-sized fries at a McDonald’s and asked for separate bags so the cashier wouldn’t think it was for you?”

    I always pull out my phone when I’m at McDonals and pretend to be texting someone or looking impatiently at the time so people will think I’m going to meet someone. I’m sure they’re all totally convinced…

    • aeliusblythe says:

      Plus, I always try to dress nice when I go there so people won’t think “Hey, there’s that fat slob stuffing her face with cheeseburgers again.”

      I know, it’s pathetic. I dress up to go to McDonalds… I have the worst self esteem EVER. But only about my appearance. Otherwise, I’m totally convinced of my own awesomeness.

      • Lafemmeroar says:

        Oh we need our awesomeness just to get through the day. 🙂

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Oh I’m sure they are 🙂

  22. SilentMyth says:

    As much as i hate to admit, yes i have done a few of those things

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Always good to know there are some “imperfect” people out there just like me … despite my disclaimers 🙂

  23. Fox@n says:

    wow great post i love it lol. Yeah some are usual to me lol

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Many readers identify with this post. There are just too many of us walking around. We’re the majority …. 🙂

  24. supernaut says:

    Do you mean that you did all of these and still (therefore?) think that you are perfect?

    🙂 🙂

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      You know something, my mind is so convoluted at the moment that your question confuses me 🙂 😛 But I think that I’m perfect in my imperfections.

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