Trash Talk in Relationships
November 1, 2011 69 Comments
The Courting Phase:
Setting: Her apartment.
Time: The first date.
Him: Wow. You look great.
Her: Thanks. Give me a sec. I just need to throw out the trash then we can go.
Him: I’ll do that.
Her: Really? Are you sure?
Him: I don’t mind.
Her: How sweet.
Him: Anytime.
The Relationship Phase:
Setting: The kitchen of their apartment
Time: Morning
She’s making breakfast and he’s reading the papers.
Her: Do you smell something funny?
Him: No. Just your cooking.
Her: I think it’s the trash. Did you throw it out?
Him: (sighs) I forgot. (mumbles to himself) Why can’t she do it once in a while.
She: What did you say?
Him: Nothing honey.
She walks to the table and looks at him.
Him: (He knows he’s not getting any food until the trash is out.) Alright, I’ll do it now.
The Marriage Phase:
Setting: Their house
Time: Dinner
Him: What’s for dinner?
Her: Meatloaf.
Him: By the way, did you do my laundry?
Her: Yes. Did you take out the trash?
Him: I’ll do it after dinner.
Her: I got your laundry done before dinner. Why can’t you do the same?
Silence.
Her: Well?
Him: Well what?
Her: Trash now!
HIm: (Gives her a nasty look) Food now.
Her: (Pouts) After you throw out the trash.
Him: Like I said, I’ll do it after dinner.
Her: Well you’re not getting your dinner until the trash is out.
Him: I want my meatloaf now-bitch!
Her: You want your meatloaf? (She goes to the kitchen. Brings out the meatloaf.) You want this?
Him: Yeah I want it now.
Her: You got it. (Goes back in the kitchen and dumps the meatloaf in the trash.) Come and get it!!!
The Divorce Phase:
Setting: Lawyer’s office
Time: Doom’s day
Her: You lazy no good failure.
Him: You nagging shrew.
Her: I can’t wait to get rid of you and get a real man.
Him: A real man wouldn’t want you–you ice bitch.
Her: I’m keeping the house.
Him: Step one foot in there and I’ll throw you out.
Her: Step one foot in MY house and I’ll have the cops throw YOU out.
Him: I should have left you a long time ago.
Her: You earth worm.
He grabs her neck. She bitch slaps him. They’re rolling on the floor.
(Lawyer calls security.)
Lawyer: Yes, I need a couple of clients thrown out please.
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© 2011 Lafemmeroar
About Lafemmeroar
Lafemmeroar 
Sounds ever so familiar (not recently, thank god) :))
Thanks for helping me rember why I have gone thru and terminated 3 marriages! 😀
Never to marry no more…
@Zoe
Divorce gives people a second chance and a third, fourth, fifth, sixth …. never give up on love. Being single and in love is a good way to be 🙂
As funny as it is sad. I’ve recently read “Mars & Venus on a date” by John Gray. He’s spent the better part of 12 years analyzing how couples miscommunicate. By simply saying things differently you can turn a demanding relationship into a fulfilling one… it’s amazing,. it should be required reading in high school. Perhaps here would be a good place to post a link so people could at least know that they have a choice in educating themselves on properly communicating with the opposite sex.
Awesome
Thanks Gillian 🙂
haaaa haaa! I’ve yet to encouter a proper relationship, but I just hope it doesn’t end out that way!!!
I’d much rather do the cooking (vegetarian, of course – I’m a crap cook when it comes to meat; plus I hate animals being slaughtered) and take out the rubbish myself. Just saves aggro. Jus’ saying….
Jules
@ Jules
Not all relationships go the dumpster way … I hope you find your true partner in life 🙂 I hate taking out the trash too …
♡ The Tale Of My Heart ♡ reblogged this on ♡ The Tale Of My Heart ♡ and commented: Trash Talk in Relationships
So on target …. great description sprinkled with humor.
Very nice ….
Thanks Isadora. I’ve never been married, but I have lots of friends who have … 🙂
Yep, that sounds about right. Do one where they go to counseling. That would be interesting. 🙂
OMG Totsy I started a post about a couple in counseling, then I got side-tracked. I’ll have to finish it then just for you 🙂
OMG! Lol
Funny as hell. My fav part was tossing his dinner in the trash,, I have done that. 🙂
What did you make that day?
I made Chicken Marsala,, his fav,,, he had to get a burger that night,, and I refused to cook the rest of that week. lol I was a bitch. lol But now we’re divorced and never been happier
@April
Like I said divorce doesn’t have to be a tragedy. It’s a beginning of something wonderful.
5 stars plus!!! This is superb! Very funny and so insightful!
Thanks zumpoems! I try for the chuckles and when something is insightful that’s a definite bonus for me ’cause it’s purely accidental 😛
Post Divorce Phase: Letter from her attorney. Keerist. The kids are 27 and 29 and the divorce was in 1984.
Ha ha Carl that would also make a good sequel to this.
Gee, that doesn’t sound familiar at all 😉
Are you sure PD? lol
Kratossssssss! ! I ‘m digging your new avatar !
The reblog….. I’d be LOLing if it wasn’t so tragic…. love gone down the drain. Sad. All the same, it is hilarious !
Cheers !
“Love gone down the drain” would have been a real good title 🙂
oooh sh** ! LOL 🙂 That is so wrong and so funny!
In our world– wrong is funny 🙂
Sounds like you’ve been through these conversations. I’ve been through similar ones! 😉
I’ve never called a guy an earth worm though 🙂 Thanks for the visit Lorna.
o0o this scares me lol
@ Eva
I think I’m going to write a sequel to this post 🙂
Most of it sounds familiar, except the divorce part. HIS part was pretty accurate, but MY part was more like this:
Judge: It is so ordered. (gavel bangs)
Me: Hallelujah! Margaritas on the house!
Glad it worked out for you! 🙂 I think more women would like the gavel bang on their side.
Whiplash from life. Hard not to get discouraged, but march on….with a giggle.
Yeah. Divorce is a second chance as I say. Marching on and giggling is the only way to be in this crazy world.
That was really funny. Probably more so, because as I was reading this, I remembered that I forgot to take out the trash.
@Bothered
Aha, I not only give chuckles but reminders as well. That’s my good deed for the day 🙂
very funny lol. this happens at home but with siblings . I mean they always tell me to do it for a Looooooooooonnnnnnnnnnngggggggggg time cant they just throw it out instead of wasting their time over and over? great job
Thanks Fox. If they want something done, they just have to do it themselves lol 🙂
God I miss love……… Oy!
Love can be rewarding, exciting, fulfilling and trashy … which part do you miss? 🙂
Certainly not the trash part – I’m doing fine getting mine out and to the curb without anyone’s help. But yes, a hefty dose of excitement and butterflies could do this girl good….
Oh I could use some excitement and butterflies myself 🙂
LOL! Too funny!
Glad you liked it 🙂
Excitement and butterflies… ummmm… methinks thee speak of fairy tales… LOL LOL
I can dream … 🙂
So… I’m guessing now would not be a good time to ask what’s for dinner?
That depends … have you thrashed the trash? 😛
doesnt happen if your with the right one lol its just finding the right one after you throw all the trash out xxjen
Absolutely! And I’m a big time “cleaner.” 🙂
haha I think it’s pretty funny.. although it’s pretty realistic to a lot of friend’s relationships I see.
The hilarity of reality … as I always say 🙂
Hi Lafem,
I see the funny side to but sadly it is all too often the painful reality.
(sighs…and shakes his head….)
Hope all is well honey…
I’ll be back. 😉
The funny and the sad … such is life. See you soon Phil 🙂
Hahahaha that was great punch at the end. Coming from divorced parents, I know that all too well. Especially that last part about the lawyers. It almost got my parents back together with their hatred for lawyers.
Mooselicker–glad you identified with this whacky post. I’m inspired to do a sequel to this post 🙂
While I have no experience with that in terms of a romantic relationship I think my mother feels like that all the time, lol. Oh man. I laughed. Out loud. 😀
It is my hope that readers either identify with posts or reminds them of people they know 🙂
^_^
The Courting and Relationship Phases: We are so naive during those phases. We only see all the glowing perfections in the woman and vice-verse and ignore the IMPERFECTIONS. Then when we enter the Marriage Phase, then we start to get annoyed by the imperfections that we ignored 🙂
Yes we truly are Amor, but I think the relationship phase gives us a hint, but we go on to marriage anyway. Of course this is all hypothetical for me … I’m still a single girl. 🙂
A woman of your caliber. That’s a grave injustice 🙂
I’m working on balancing the scales Amor 🙂
I love this, Lafemmeroar!
Thank you very much Monica. I’m always glad to know that someone out there appreciates this little blog of mine 🙂
great one……keep up your good entry…lovin’ it ❤
Thanks Missmoots. I’ll try my best to keep you entertained and chuckling at the malfunction of the universe. 🙂
HILARIOUS!
Glad you liked it Viv! You crazy chick 🙂