Trash Talk in Relationships

The Courting Phase:

Setting: Her apartment.

Time: The first date.

Him: Wow. You look great.

Her: Thanks. Give me a sec. I just need to throw out the trash then we can go.

Him: I’ll do that.

Her: Really? Are you sure?

Him: I don’t mind.

Her: How sweet.

Him: Anytime.

The Relationship Phase:

Setting: The kitchen of their apartment

Time: Morning

She’s making breakfast and he’s reading the papers.

Her: Do you smell something funny?

Him: No. Just your cooking.

Her: I think it’s the trash. Did you throw it out?

Him: (sighs) I forgot. (mumbles to himself) Why can’t she do it once in a while.

She: What did you say?

Him: Nothing honey.

She walks to the table and looks at him.

Him: (He knows he’s not getting any food until the trash is out.) Alright, I’ll do it now.

The Marriage Phase:

Setting: Their house

Time: Dinner

Him: What’s for dinner?

Her: Meatloaf.

Him: By the way, did you do my laundry?

Her: Yes. Did you take out the trash?

Him: I’ll do it after dinner.

Her: I got your laundry done before dinner. Why can’t you do the same?

Silence.

Her: Well?

Him: Well what?

Her: Trash now!

HIm: (Gives her a nasty look) Food now.

Her: (Pouts) After you throw out the trash.

Him: Like I said, I’ll do it after dinner.

Her: Well you’re not getting your dinner until the trash is out.

Him: I want my meatloaf now-bitch!

Her: You want your meatloaf? (She goes to the kitchen. Brings out the meatloaf.) You want this?

Him: Yeah I want it now.

Her: You got it. (Goes back in the kitchen and dumps the meatloaf in the trash.) Come and get it!!!

The Divorce Phase: 

Setting: Lawyer’s office

Time: Doom’s day

Her: You lazy no good failure.

Him: You nagging shrew.

Her: I can’t wait to get rid of you and get a real man.

Him: A real man wouldn’t want you–you ice bitch.

Her: I’m keeping the house.

Him: Step one foot in there and I’ll throw you out.

Her: Step one foot in MY house and I’ll have the cops throw YOU out.

Him: I should have left you a long time ago.

Her: You earth worm.

He grabs her neck. She bitch slaps him. They’re rolling on the floor.

(Lawyer calls security.)

Lawyer: Yes, I need a couple of clients thrown out please.

Nominated for Best Humor Blog at Bloggers Choice Awards. Please vote 🙂

Get the CCC Badge

Join the Crazy Chicks Club.

Click here if you’re a Crazy Freak.

Visit my fan page on Facebook.

© 2011 Lafemmeroar

About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

69 Responses to Trash Talk in Relationships

  1. Zoe @ Pantry and Fridge says:

    Sounds ever so familiar (not recently, thank god) :))
    Thanks for helping me rember why I have gone thru and terminated 3 marriages! 😀
    Never to marry no more…

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      @Zoe

      Divorce gives people a second chance and a third, fourth, fifth, sixth …. never give up on love. Being single and in love is a good way to be 🙂

      • Anonymous Coward (guy) says:

        As funny as it is sad. I’ve recently read “Mars & Venus on a date” by John Gray. He’s spent the better part of 12 years analyzing how couples miscommunicate. By simply saying things differently you can turn a demanding relationship into a fulfilling one… it’s amazing,. it should be required reading in high school. Perhaps here would be a good place to post a link so people could at least know that they have a choice in educating themselves on properly communicating with the opposite sex.

  2. jules says:

    haaaa haaa! I’ve yet to encouter a proper relationship, but I just hope it doesn’t end out that way!!! :/
    I’d much rather do the cooking (vegetarian, of course – I’m a crap cook when it comes to meat; plus I hate animals being slaughtered) and take out the rubbish myself. Just saves aggro. Jus’ saying….

    Jules

  3. So on target …. great description sprinkled with humor.
    Very nice ….

  4. totsymae1011 says:

    Yep, that sounds about right. Do one where they go to counseling. That would be interesting. 🙂

  5. zemeraime says:

    OMG! Lol
    Funny as hell. My fav part was tossing his dinner in the trash,, I have done that. 🙂

  6. zumpoems says:

    5 stars plus!!! This is superb! Very funny and so insightful!

  7. Post Divorce Phase: Letter from her attorney. Keerist. The kids are 27 and 29 and the divorce was in 1984.

  8. PD Williams says:

    Gee, that doesn’t sound familiar at all 😉

  9. renxkyoko says:

    Kratossssssss! ! I ‘m digging your new avatar !

    The reblog….. I’d be LOLing if it wasn’t so tragic…. love gone down the drain. Sad. All the same, it is hilarious !

    Cheers !

  10. mysterycoach says:

    oooh sh** ! LOL 🙂 That is so wrong and so funny!

  11. Sounds like you’ve been through these conversations. I’ve been through similar ones! 😉

  12. eva626 says:

    o0o this scares me lol

  13. jezibelle says:

    Most of it sounds familiar, except the divorce part. HIS part was pretty accurate, but MY part was more like this:

    Judge: It is so ordered. (gavel bangs)

    Me: Hallelujah! Margaritas on the house!

  14. Whiplash from life. Hard not to get discouraged, but march on….with a giggle.

  15. Bothered says:

    That was really funny. Probably more so, because as I was reading this, I remembered that I forgot to take out the trash.

  16. Fox@n says:

    very funny lol. this happens at home but with siblings . I mean they always tell me to do it for a Looooooooooonnnnnnnnnnngggggggggg time cant they just throw it out instead of wasting their time over and over? great job

  17. God I miss love……… Oy!

  18. Aurora, HSP says:

    Excitement and butterflies… ummmm… methinks thee speak of fairy tales… LOL LOL

  19. Phil says:

    So… I’m guessing now would not be a good time to ask what’s for dinner?

  20. jennygoth says:

    doesnt happen if your with the right one lol its just finding the right one after you throw all the trash out xxjen

  21. tamariez says:

    haha I think it’s pretty funny.. although it’s pretty realistic to a lot of friend’s relationships I see.

  22. Phil's Lounge says:

    Hi Lafem,
    I see the funny side to but sadly it is all too often the painful reality.
    (sighs…and shakes his head….)

    Hope all is well honey…
    I’ll be back. 😉

  23. mooselicker says:

    Hahahaha that was great punch at the end. Coming from divorced parents, I know that all too well. Especially that last part about the lawyers. It almost got my parents back together with their hatred for lawyers.

  24. hollyjb says:

    While I have no experience with that in terms of a romantic relationship I think my mother feels like that all the time, lol. Oh man. I laughed. Out loud. 😀

  25. amor24 says:

    The Courting and Relationship Phases: We are so naive during those phases. We only see all the glowing perfections in the woman and vice-verse and ignore the IMPERFECTIONS. Then when we enter the Marriage Phase, then we start to get annoyed by the imperfections that we ignored 🙂

  26. Monica says:

    I love this, Lafemmeroar!

  27. missmoots says:

    great one……keep up your good entry…lovin’ it ❤

Talk to me :)

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: