Ultimate Compost Recipe– The Growing Powers of Crap

Are you a gardener with a black thumb? What you need is some good quality crap for your dirt.

But why waste your dough buying fertilizer when you can make your own? My “Ferti-Liar” compost recipe will transform even the most barren soil into rich fertile ground.

Wikimedia Commons — Mariegriffiths at en.wikipedia

 

“Ferti-Liar” Compost Recipe

♦ 1 really big container

♦ a hell of a lot of garden debris (dry leaves, small bark , grass clippings and etc)

♦ food trash (egg shells, rinds and peels, and coffee grounds)

   and for the secret ingredient

♦ 1 Full of Crap Dirty Lying Bastard

(can also be substituted with Full of Crap Dirty Lying Ho)

 

Instructions:

Mix ingredients in large bin. You might need to hack the “secret ingredient” into smaller pieces. Spread the “ferti-liar” (mixture might be moist and icky–like a smoothie consistency) all over your lawn or garden plots and see lush greenery grow in no time.

Plants love crap and the “ferti-liar” is full of it!

######

 

Disclaimer: The above is for entertainment purposes only. Lafemmeroar doesn’t know a mound of soil about gardening and she’s no green thumb–she can’t even grow weeds. Gardeners who know any “full of crap dirty lying bastards or hos” should not use any of said “secret ingredient” as it has not been approved by the GAA (Gardening Association of America). Lafemmeroar is NOT to be held liable or responsible for any consequences, injuries, fatalities or funky growths that may sprout from the ground as a result of from this compost recipe.

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© 2011 Lafemmeroar


About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

47 Responses to Ultimate Compost Recipe– The Growing Powers of Crap

  1. SilentMyth says:

    The recipe would not have been complete without “1 Full of Crap Dirty Lying Bastard “. Thank you for the crack =D
    Love the disclaimer

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Oh yes, the secret ingredient is key to a lush garden 🙂

  2. Aurora, HSP says:

    OMG How do you think of this stuff, LFR? No wonder I want to call you Royal, you are the Royal Laugh Master, thanks for the giggles… again… see you soon 🙂

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Oh Janice … how can I not think of this stuff. 🙂 Sometimes I scare myself … glad you got some giggles 🙂

      • Shonnie says:

        I was wondering the same thing as Janice. Just don’t hurt yourself girl!

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          I’ll try not to Shonnie 🙂

  3. Sabina Brave says:

    I know one “Full of Crap Dirty Lying Bastard”. I didn’t know, that he can be anyhow usefull. Thank you for giving me so good idea of using him for something good.:)

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      LMAO Sabina … your comment is perfect.

  4. Note to self-do not get on your bad side. 😉

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      @Jayme

      Why does everybody say that about my recipe posts 🙂

      • Zoe @ Pantry and Fridge says:

        I accidentally hit the thumbs down!!! Didn’t mean to, so consider this a thumbs up!!!

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          Aw thanks Zoe–no worries.

  5. Phil says:

    I think you forgot to mention: Ferti-liar crap needs to be spread around to do any good…

    Funny stuff! LOL

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Lol thanks Phil. Help me “spread the crap” 🙂

  6. An enormous amount of “fertilizer” continues to be manufactured in a very famous American city: Washington, DC.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Some areas are too lush and need to be “de-ferti-liared” 🙂

  7. Tooo funny. (rats figure in here somewhere)

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Yeah they do. 🙂

  8. Lots of gardens should grow really well thanks to you! 😉

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Oh Lorna, with all the “crappy people” walking around … the nation should be green in no time 🙂

  9. Zoe @ Pantry and Fridge says:

    I have everything but the main ingredient…. Will have to find out where my x husband is living – then ill be set. 🙂
    Thanks for the chuckle, I needed it. 😀

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Zoe … who knows he’s probably scattered on someone’s lawn …. 🙂

  10. jennygoth says:

    the mixture just wouldnt be the same without the full of shxxt b lol just hope no forget me nots grow around or else you will never get rid of the bastard lol xxjen

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      lmao jenny!

  11. If I’m ever invited over to your house for home grown vegetables– I think I’ll pass.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Oh but Diana I make a really delish veggie stew 🙂

  12. this is amazing 🙂

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thanks Christina 🙂

  13. Fox@n says:

    El O El
    Funny stuff Good job

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thanks Fox 🙂

  14. Shonnie says:

    Love you — you Crazy Chick you! Thanks for the giggle! I actually had to shake my head and dismiss the images of folks who fit the bill. 😀

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Shonnie that’s the scary part. Too many secret ingredients walking around …

  15. Cinnamon says:

    I know so many that meet the requirements to become a “secret ingredient” that I may just have to rent a chipper shredder and meet you at an abandoned football field ! LOL

    Great post

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      lol @Cinnamon. No wonder you’re a Crazy Chick. You’re too hilarious …. chipper shredder …. bwahahahah bwahahahahahaha

  16. You’re my winner this weekend!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thanks Gillian. Can’t wait to see what the wee prize is 🙂

  17. http://breakitdownpete.wordpress.com/2011/11/06/with-a-little-help-from-my-friends/

  18. –You mean it doesn’t work??!!

    Damn You. 🙂

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      lol Kim!

  19. Amor24 says:

    Hey, I made this exact compost a couple months ago and planted some mango seeds there. I’m eating a big juicy mango as I type. These composts are really good for baron soil 🙂

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      See they do work! 🙂

  20. I know some dirty lying bastards I would LOVE to bury…LOL….Unfortunately, there are laws that say I can’t!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Sharon. lmao at your comment. The law gets in the way of setting the universe straight doesn’t it? Damn law and order–here’s to justice and vindication!

  21. Loved it. I shared it on facebook. Ah, the jewels I’m finding these days in blogworld…

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thanks Jawaville 🙂 Isn’t the blogosphere a wonderful place?

      • Indeed it is. Feel free to drop by my site sometime. I haven’t been at it for long, but I am working on that.

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          Oh I definitely will! 🙂

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