Ultimate Compost Recipe– The Growing Powers of Crap

Are you a gardener with a black thumb? What you need is some good quality crap for your dirt.

But why waste your dough buying fertilizer when you can make your own? My “Ferti-Liar” compost recipe will transform even the most barren soil into rich fertile ground.

Wikimedia Commons — Mariegriffiths at en.wikipedia


“Ferti-Liar” Compost Recipe

♦ 1 really big container

♦ a hell of a lot of garden debris (dry leaves, small bark , grass clippings and etc)

♦ food trash (egg shells, rinds and peels, and coffee grounds)

   and for the secret ingredient

♦ 1 Full of Crap Dirty Lying Bastard

(can also be substituted with Full of Crap Dirty Lying Ho)



Mix ingredients in large bin. You might need to hack the “secret ingredient” into smaller pieces. Spread the “ferti-liar” (mixture might be moist and icky–like a smoothie consistency) all over your lawn or garden plots and see lush greenery grow in no time.

Plants love crap and the “ferti-liar” is full of it!



Disclaimer: The above is for entertainment purposes only. Lafemmeroar doesn’t know a mound of soil about gardening and she’s no green thumb–she can’t even grow weeds. Gardeners who know any “full of crap dirty lying bastards or hos” should not use any of said “secret ingredient” as it has not been approved by the GAA (Gardening Association of America). Lafemmeroar is NOT to be held liable or responsible for any consequences, injuries, fatalities or funky growths that may sprout from the ground as a result of from this compost recipe.

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© 2011 Lafemmeroar

About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

47 Responses to Ultimate Compost Recipe– The Growing Powers of Crap

  1. SilentMyth says:

    The recipe would not have been complete without “1 Full of Crap Dirty Lying Bastard “. Thank you for the crack =D
    Love the disclaimer

  2. Aurora, HSP says:

    OMG How do you think of this stuff, LFR? No wonder I want to call you Royal, you are the Royal Laugh Master, thanks for the giggles… again… see you soon 🙂

  3. Sabina Brave says:

    I know one “Full of Crap Dirty Lying Bastard”. I didn’t know, that he can be anyhow usefull. Thank you for giving me so good idea of using him for something good.:)

  4. Note to self-do not get on your bad side. 😉

  5. Phil says:

    I think you forgot to mention: Ferti-liar crap needs to be spread around to do any good…

    Funny stuff! LOL

  6. An enormous amount of “fertilizer” continues to be manufactured in a very famous American city: Washington, DC.

  7. Tooo funny. (rats figure in here somewhere)

  8. Lots of gardens should grow really well thanks to you! 😉

  9. Zoe @ Pantry and Fridge says:

    I have everything but the main ingredient…. Will have to find out where my x husband is living – then ill be set. 🙂
    Thanks for the chuckle, I needed it. 😀

  10. jennygoth says:

    the mixture just wouldnt be the same without the full of shxxt b lol just hope no forget me nots grow around or else you will never get rid of the bastard lol xxjen

  11. If I’m ever invited over to your house for home grown vegetables– I think I’ll pass.

  12. Fox@n says:

    El O El
    Funny stuff Good job

  13. Shonnie says:

    Love you — you Crazy Chick you! Thanks for the giggle! I actually had to shake my head and dismiss the images of folks who fit the bill. 😀

  14. Cinnamon says:

    I know so many that meet the requirements to become a “secret ingredient” that I may just have to rent a chipper shredder and meet you at an abandoned football field ! LOL

    Great post

  15. You’re my winner this weekend!

  16. –You mean it doesn’t work??!!

    Damn You. 🙂

  17. Amor24 says:

    Hey, I made this exact compost a couple months ago and planted some mango seeds there. I’m eating a big juicy mango as I type. These composts are really good for baron soil 🙂

  18. I know some dirty lying bastards I would LOVE to bury…LOL….Unfortunately, there are laws that say I can’t!

  19. Loved it. I shared it on facebook. Ah, the jewels I’m finding these days in blogworld…

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