A Crazy Chick’s Version of a Perfect World

In my perfect world:

the more you eat the less you’ll weigh

the drive-thru lane always gets your order right

there are no cosmetic surgeons because wrinkles don’t exist

children are happy, loved, nurtured and educated

soldiers will carry tambourines and daisies instead of guns and bombs

politicians will think about the people instead of the next election

I can have an orgasm just by thinking about it and it will last for as long as I want it to …

Lady Gaga looks human and not like an alien

there will be no dead beat dads

there are no death and taxes

everyone can do cartwheels

it will be confirmed that Marilyn Manson is a hermaphrodite

everyone is beautiful in their own special way

everyone can afford designer shoes and handbags

guys who cheat will never get an erection ever again … ever … ever … NEVER

dishes wash themselves

poop doesn’t stink

brussel sprouts will taste like bon bons

cell phones will automatically shut themselves off in a movie theater

tweens will read more and text less

cars won’t start when a drunk is behind the wheel

there is more leg room when flying coach

all public toilets are immaculately clean

chocolate is calorie free

men and women will finally truly understand each other

all liars will lose their tongue

no one will ever get constipated

there is no injustice, but there is poetic justice

Cancer will only be an astrological sign and not a disease

people who stick their foot in their mouth will actually know what toe jam tastes like

eating cakes and pies will be as healthy as eating a salad

every office slave gets a two-hour lunch break

there is no such thing as rush hour traffic

no knows about the Kardashians

The Beatles are back together again

we know who killed JFK

all my blog friends will get Freshly Pressed

What’s your idea of a perfect world?

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Β© 2011 Lafemmeroar

About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

63 Responses to A Crazy Chick’s Version of a Perfect World

  1. The Kardashians are starting trouble in the Gamma Quadrant pirating cargo vessels . I think the Romulans and the Klingons are in on it too. Where’s Kirk when you need him ? Oh, yeah. Making a fool of himself in those dopey commercials.

  2. jules says:

    ha! Loved ALL of them!
    And don’t talk to me about wrinkles – because of my anger that I had when I was a teenager I’ve now got a permanent wrinkle on my forehead, and in the mirror today I noticed that I’ve started getting crows’ feet! down with wrinkles!!!

    Jules
    http://andsuddenlyisee.wordpress.com / http://wordshakermag.wordpress.com

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I’ve got a frown line on my forehead right between my brows. It’s especially prominent in the mornings. When I get up and see it I’m thinking gee, I must have done a lot of thinking while I was asleep …

  3. Xehraaa says:

    My regular 5 bucks coffee sachet tastes like espresso.

    I ace anatomy besides other things and get full scholarship at john hopkins.

    He stops being a ladies man and FOCUS on me only.

    People don’t get psychogenic diarrhea on exam eves.

    Lafemme wins the best humor blog.

    Kids are not born with anomalies.

    Everyone wears deo and hygiene becomes endemic.

  4. totsymae1011 says:

    Perfect for me is having my novels turned into movies
    That I’m no longer lactose intolerant and can eat as much ice cream as I want
    Mothers would stop it with making their children “disappear”
    There was no such thing as a toothache
    That my yard would clean itself

    Why you say that about Marilyn? I like her. Wendy Williams, on the other hand…

  5. Becoming Bitter says:

    If everything on that list is too much to accomplish to get a perfect world, then my vote goes to ‘no death and no taxes’. Especially, no deaths.

  6. I’m hung up on the orgasm thing–how would anything ever get done? πŸ˜‰

    I love the idea of poop not stinking and the Beatles getting back together…and lots of others.

    Your blog hasn’t been Freshly Pressed? What’s up with that?

  7. Amor24 says:

    “men and women will finally truly understand each other” I’ll drink to that

    “soldiers will carry tambourines and daisies instead of guns and bombs”…..really….LOL.

    “eating cakes and pies will be as healthy as eating a salad”….my Mrs would love that. πŸ˜€

  8. Fox@n says:

    WoW that made my day . Great Job. I love reading your work.
    Love all the things on the list.
    In my perfect world people would know how to park and leave enough space for the next guy.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      OMG Fox that is a good one. Why didn’t I think of it??????? Just the other day, I was soooo ticked off because this car double parked …. thanks so much for your comment!

  9. You could never run out of breath. There is nothing worse than walking up a flight or two of stairs and meeting someone at the top who is in great shape and wants to talk.

  10. justrambling says:

    Wow, can I live in that world too? Sounds like a lot of fun! πŸ˜‰

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Hey there!!!!!! So glad you came by. And yes you can absolutely live in that world. I’m having a ball eating cakes and pies and calorie free chocos–I’m having an orgasmic time!

  11. jsh0608 says:

    I love all of those…and I love the last one…even though I haven’t yet come out to be a great writer, well because I’m not a writer..hehe great list. :0)

  12. oh this does sound like the perfect world. for sure. love it. especially the lady gaga one πŸ˜›

  13. nicole says:

    one without eating disorders, self hatred, and animal abuse.

    one with complete happiness. πŸ™‚ x

  14. Phil's Lounge says:

    Oh if only Lafem,
    Lol!…some things on that list could happen and are possible…the others….well, as you said…”In a perfect world”. πŸ˜‰

  15. Alfonso L says:

    How about “drinking wouldn’t be followed by a hangover ever again”? I’d vote for that one!

  16. I can agree on most of them. And oh, I’m doing the ‘teens will read more and text less’ part!

  17. hollyjb says:

    Love this list! My addition is this:

    Finding your soul-mate would be a given and you would know ‘at first sight’.

    Haha, so now you know exactly where I am in my life right now, :P.

  18. Phil says:

    Yeah, about that orgasm thing. If it works the way you describe it, I’d be willing to bet nothing else would ever get done. Not one single thing…

  19. Bodhirose says:

    Ah, perfection–I loved your list! Here’s to moaning and groaning and no more dishwashing!

  20. Sabina Brave says:

    I like all your ideas, but the most “guys who cheat will never get an erection ever again … ever … ever … NEVER” and “all liars will lose their tongue”… so, may it happen! πŸ™‚
    Healthy cakes, which as more we eat, the less we weight? I love this idea πŸ™‚

  21. Bonnie says:

    I second the ‘chocolate is calorie-free’ and ‘the beatles are back together again’! Oh wait… I second just about everything you said! πŸ™‚

    (esp. the ‘guys who cheat will never get an erection ever again … ever … ever … NEVER’…)

    πŸ™‚

  22. Nicole says:

    It’s quite sad how some of these things on this list should be true but they aren’t. The politicians for example.
    Nice list. I enjoyed reading it.

  23. viv says:

    Perverts, sex offenders, rapists etc get castrated!

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