Jesse James Relationship Outlaw or Medical Phenomenon?

Lafemmeroar here again with the latest crazy celebrity news and gossip that is just too juicy to be true:

Jesse James (JJ) cheated on America’s sweetheart Sandra Bullock and when she booted him to the curb, he went on to find love with tattoo queen Kat Von D, but that didn’t last either when she found out he’s been swinging his schlong to other “glorious holes.” A recent report by Schlong Swing Online states that JJ cheated on Kat with nineteen different women during their relationship. But JJ denies this and to prove his innocence, he submitted to a lie detector test and to everyone’s surprise JJ passed with flying colors. When asked how he pulled it off JJ stated, “I did not cheat on Kat. My schlong was true to her.”

Well folks JJ’s private physician Dr. Drew Penilehickey reveals that JJ is a medical phenomenon as he is a multi-schlonged dude. “JJ was born with 20 schlongs and he has the ability to hide the other 19 through a stealth bio-mechanism that’s akin to how certain reptiles camouflage themselves,” states Dr. Penilehickey. “In his mind he’s never cheated on a woman because he’s never double dipped.”

Sex World, an adult entertainment production company has approached JJ of possibly doing a video where he takes on 20 women at the same time. JJ has not been available for comment on the possible video shoot, but if it happens this multiple mounting will certainly earn multiple millions as sexaholics and those interested in the bizarre will surely clamor for the DVD.

So what do you think. Is JJ a relationship outlaw or is he a medical phenomenon?

Disclaimer: The above is for entertainment purposes. Lafemmeroar received this information from an imaginary gossip site that resides in her noodle–and you know how unreliable her noodle is. She has not been able to confirm if JJ indeed has 19 or twenty schlongs so his denial of cheating may be true as it is possible that he’s never double-dipped the same schlong in different “glorious holes.” Any similarity to cheating celebrity schlongs living or dead is purely coincidental. Lafemmeroar is NOT to be held liable or responsible for any consequences, injuries, fatalities or falsities that may occur as a result of this faux news post.

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© 2011 Lafemmeroar

About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

64 Responses to Jesse James Relationship Outlaw or Medical Phenomenon?

  1. jules says:

    haaaaa! If only that did happen….!!! :p

    jules.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Another fantasy post 🙂

  2. 20 ? Most of us get into enough trouble with one. Well actually two: the one in our brain counts as well.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      He’s probably missing the one in his head, which is why he gets into so much trouble 🙂

  3. Becoming Bitter says:

    LOL Oh LFR… you’ve got a wild imagination.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thanks BB. Sometimes I need to control my imagination as it might get me into trouble; hence, the disclaimer. 🙂

      • Becoming Bitter says:

        Yeah you wouldn’t want any love letters anymore.

  4. Cinnamon says:

    I think the exhaust fumes and tattoo ink has gone to his brain. He’s a self destructive dumbass ! Period. LOL

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I never thought tattoo ink could be toxic … 🙂

      • kdaddy23 says:

        Actually, some of it can be to some folks…

  5. Phil says:

    Robin Williams is known to have said, “God gave men a brain and a penis, but unfortunately only enough blood to operate one at a time.” Under the assumption that Jesse James has 20, it explains his lack of cerebral abilities.

    I never imagined the words stealth and schlong used in the same sentence. A guy could develop a complex if his schlong was considered stealthy…

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      ad “un” before healthy and he’s really got problems … 🙂 Thanks again Phil for giving me a chuckle in your comments 🙂

  6. kdaddy23 says:

    That’s kinda like the left hand not knowing what the right hand is doing… or that there is even a right hand.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Exactly Kdaddy … you wise man you 🙂

  7. J. J. SUCKS!

  8. This was funny as hell! JJ is a miscreant, and Sandra Bullock is a great person. I would not any single one of JJ’s penises ANYWHERE near me or mine! Sandra – can’t be jealous of her, because she is part Crazy Chick and part mom with great integrity. Amy
    http://sharplittlepencil.wordpress.com/2011/11/08/o-men/

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Yeah, wanting a schlong that’s been in too many “glorious holes” is not very desirable … it’s a hygiene thing …

      • kdaddy23 says:

        Isn’t that what they make soap, water, and penicillin for?

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          I’m allergic to penicillin 🙂

  9. eva626 says:

    LOL

  10. SilentMyth says:

    LOL. What a sight would that be.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I’m thinking udders on a cow x 4 🙂

  11. sami116 says:

    That is a lot of equipment to take care of, no wonder he keeps losing control.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      20 is a lot to manage sami 🙂

  12. Always make me smile. How do you dream this stuff up

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Well countingducks …. my noodle never rests. Now what I’d really like to do is think up some winning lottery numbers 🙂

  13. Too bad the side shows at the circus are gone … He’d make an interesting anomaly.
    Ringling would have added to his billions. i know I would go see him.
    BAD Girl – Isadora – BAD Girl …. LOLOL
    Toodles

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Oh Isadora you are sooo awesome when you’re bad! 🙂

  14. Wouldn’t touch that man with a 20ft long pole (heh pole). He strikes me as the type of guy that has some STD’s that there isn’t a name for yet. Btw, I voted for you for Best Humor Blog!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Ah maybe there should be an STD named after him. JJarhea. Thank you so much for voting. It does require a sign up so thank you for the effort crazy chick 🙂

  15. Aurora, HSP says:

    Oh Lord, not to disgrace or demean little curly tailed barnyard animals but I don’t think much medical or outlaw terminology is needed to define this type of male (or female) character. I know not all men/women are like that but so many are now these days with fast food sex as available as the drive through… and where are all these all too willing women coming from anyway… Yotaki once said the married women are lucky there are women like her and myself left out there, everyone has to respect the relationship, otherwise, it’s all one big happy mess of nothing just like all the other relationships reduced to nothing in one undone belt buckle. Sorry, I blog on your blog. Not trying to be a hog, lol. Thanks for the giggles.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Janice your thoughtful comments are always welcome on my blog 🙂

  16. totsymae1011 says:

    I can attest to the story. You don’t need a disclaimer. If you want, I’ll take photos ’cause he’s up here laying in my bed now. Don’t even wanna get up to shower, so I’ve lost all interest. What the devil is he thinking?

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Can you just imagine his thingamajig flopping all over the place? lol Thanks for stopping by Totsy 🙂

      • totsymae1011 says:

        Ugh. May even have a tattoo on it. Think somebody’s tried that?

  17. lorrelee1970 says:

    Made up? What a shame! And here I knew a woman with at least 20 vaginas.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      They would have been a perfect pair 🙂 You’re too funny Lorrelee 🙂

  18. hahaha. you are amazingly hilarious.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thank you Christina. I try to laugh at the malfunctions 🙂

  19. Anne Schilde says:

    Bwahahaha… I am dying over Drew Penilehickey while King Missile is playing in my head.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I was thinking of Dr. Drew Pinsky … 🙂

    • Anne Schilde says:

      That’s half of why I was laughing so hard. Did you know the King Missile song?

      • Lafemmeroar says:

        No I don’t which song it is. I know they’re a band — that’s all.

      • Anne Schilde says:

        It’s worth a watch. 19 or 20, the visual association of switching to avoid double-dipping… well…

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          Thanks Anne 🙂 Maybe this could be the official song for the post 🙂

  20. Phil's Lounge says:

    The sad (and dangerous) fact is…some people actually believe that what they are saying is true, even if it’s not….also dangerous how can actually fool a lie detector, where’s Cal Lightman when you need him?…lol!

    I’m always amazed at how many of the ‘rest’ look towards people in the media (aka the celebrity) as some sort of benchmark on how to live, when many of them seem to have more problems and questionable ethics than the average man and woman.
    I long for the day when people will be viewed just as they are…respected when they help others, or good at their craft but not worshiped.
    I long for an Egalitarian society….

    See you around honey. 🙂

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      You are a thinker and a dreamer Phil and I mean that as a compliment. Celebrity lives are a source of fodder for me, but yes many people think their behavior is the norm or something that should be aspired to … it’s not. Even the most well intentioned of celebs are obviously not perfect.

      • Phil's Lounge says:

        Lol! No offense taking…I understand what you mean and thank you for your observation. 😉
        I know they can be a source of fodder for you, your obviously intelligent enough to put things in perspective…it’s the young and impressionable which concern me.
        I don’t mind people being applauded for what they do, it’s the excessive, fluffing, ass kissing and worship which really annoys me…grrrrrr…lol!

        As you probably can tell, I treat everyone with respect, I’ve met an ex prime minister, sports stars etc, and I while I’ve been respectful, I’m never in awe of them…if an individual has to eat and use a bathroom, as I do, they get respect but no grovelling or sucking up.
        I always say I’m the best person to have around if you want to keep your feet firmly on the ground…as I’ll help by “keeping it real”.

        OK, rant over, I’m off on my rounds….and you know I’ll be back. 😉

        • Phil's Lounge says:

          oops, should say…No offense taken… 🙂

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          See ya soon Phil 🙂

  21. alanschuyler says:

    Just wow! I’m thinking you need to expand to a shlongblog and just list the shlongite miscreants and their travesties.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Celeb schlong travesties would actually make a good post 🙂 And yeah, I was talking about my schlong issue with a fellow blogger just a few days ago.

  22. Team Oyeniyi says:

    Must be contagious!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      @Team Oyeniyi

      I hope the schlongs I know don’t catch it. Although I’m beginning to see schlong virus symptoms …

  23. The Hook says:

    “I did not cheat on Kat. My schlong was true to her.”
    JJ is a real romantic isn’t he?

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      He sure is … (wink)

  24. mooselicker says:

    He’s a 4-time Penta-Penis!

    I wonder if he ever takes them all out and walks around like a Koosh Ball.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Penis-Koosh — That’s a sight for Halloween! Love your Penta-Penis terminology 🙂 Sounds so medical 🙂

  25. jakesprinter says:

    Great Article

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thank you 🙂

  26. JJ my man! Don’t hate the playaaaa ladies hate the game. Booohooo Kat von D. what do you think the D stands for? Double dipping D**k loving? Wait this is a humor site? Right? Don’t start sending me hate mail. I kid i kid…..

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Ooooh Breakitdownpete ….. you’re on somebody’s hit list now! You won’t get any hate mail, but you might end up a human burrito … Aww thanks for stopping by babe 🙂

  27. Wow…I don’t even know what to say! LOL

    I can’t believe the jerk cheated on Sandra Bullock…what a dick head!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      And many countless women no doubt. He must have a resistance to STDs…

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