The Harmony and the Malfunctions

As I reflect on my life this year, I have much to be thankful for. I have my family and friends. I have my writing and you my readers.  “You” are the harmony in my universe.

And I still have HOPE that I will find someone to love.

I, however,  AM NOT THANKFUL FOR these MALFUNCTIONS:

Beautiful shoes and handbags that NEVER go on sale

The CARBS in mashed potatoes

Wikimedia Commons – PDPhoto.org

How my alarm clock always goes off when I’m dreaming about “fantasy man” just before my happy ending

Politicians (with too many skeletons in their closet-keep your pants zipped and your schlongs “un-tweeted”)

People who TALK TOO MUCH (can I get  word in?)

Long lines … anywhere

Upper class kids who act like gangsters (pull up your pants and stop talking ghetto)

Tweens who act likethey’re going on 40

The non-existence of Lala-Land … reality sucks

Writer’s block … that’s my noodle on an extended pause

Bad customer service … Can I get some help?

People who deny having plastic surgery even though the stretching on their face gives them a perpetual “DUH” look

How celebrities get away with community service when regular people actually have to go behind bars

Any chick named Kardashian–enuff already!!!!!!!  Do You Hear that E!

Reality Stars … they’re obnoxious, untalented media hounds … 

Misanthropes … just go to Marsthere’s no one there to hate

Women who put down other women … just ’cause you feel like crap doesn’t mean you can put other chicks down

Men who put down other women … STOP OR  WE’LL HAVE TO PUT YOU SIX FEET UNDER 

Men who like to double dip their schlongs … you’re not ice cream

Wikimedia Commons – Lumen GmbH

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© 2011 Lafemmeroar

About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

64 Responses to The Harmony and the Malfunctions

  1. Dave says:

    Love reading about things that people hate!

  2. Cinnamon says:

    We, young lady, live in the same world. Wouldn’t it be nice if they would realize that THEY need to live by OUR rules? It would be so much simpler.

    I just want to say, that when I do my list of things that I’ve enjoyed this year, I am definitely going to include the moment that I stumbled upon your blog. You make me laugh everyday. In fact, you’re just like those little tear off desk calendar thingys ! LOL

    XOXO

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Oh Cinnamon … I love what you just said!!!!!!! Thank you for liking my blog and I’m so happy that you consider me to be a sort of tear off desk calendar!!!! I luv you!!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂

  3. I like them, i’m going to vote now, and i don’t see the bad badge in the list above 😦

  4. magsx2 says:

    Hi,
    I just to have to agree with the alarm clock scenario. That is just so true. 😆

  5. totsymae1011 says:

    Double dipping schlongs and dishonest politicians? You’re talking about Herman Cain. 🙂
    Writers’ block sucks and so does bad customer service.

  6. A lot of passion went into that list. Good work.

    Mashed potato really is fantastic though.

  7. I have just joined bloggers choice, but i don’t see where to get the badge 😦

  8. I agree with most of what you said. Esp women who put other women down. That is the ultimate betrayal. Those biatches….
    AND the alarm thing…happened waay too many times to me. JUST when I was this close…:/

  9. Finally someone with the courage to make an “ungratitude list”.I am grateful for many things but when making a self inventory I really have to stretch it sometimes to find good things. I HATE GRATITUDE LISTS. Besides they may ease depression and I won’t get my meds anymore.

  10. double dipping schlong ice cream BWAHAHAHAHA!!! Thanks for the laugh!

  11. nancyelizabethlauzon says:

    LOL, love it! Thanks for starting my weekend off right!

    Nancy

  12. I have to add one to your list. I absolutely hate it when someone won’t shut up about their health problems–particularly when they develop a new ailment on a daily basis.
    Your blog always makes me laugh. Don’t ever stop writing!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I once struck up a conversation with someone who talked about their ailments for half an hour … I just kept nodding my head in fake interest and thought about what I’d be having for lunch once I made my “escape.” Glad you liked the post Diana 🙂

  13. jakesprinter says:

    Great post I love it he,he 🙂

  14. lorrelee1970 says:

    Love the upper class gangster kids. It’s an epidemic.

  15. veehcirra says:

    It’s sad that women are actually their own enemies!!

    Happy holidays 🙂

  16. mysterycoach says:

    “you’re not ice cream” … LOL ! 🙂 That is so funny! This whole thing is funny, I mean my god! You are so talented.

  17. LOL your posts are always so unique! 🙂 so that instead of listing everything you’re thankful for, you list all the ‘malfunctions’… love that!

  18. Aurora, HSP says:

    Roaring funny once again, going to share now, LFR 🙂 🙂 🙂

  19. Monica says:

    Love this – I think you have covered all the bases, Lafemmeroar. However, I am a little worried about the planned voyages to Mars. We haven’t done such a great job with our very own home planet.

  20. Any chick named Kardashian–enuff already!!!!!!!

    Creative list, L.

    I want that double dipped, um, the chocolate cone, please. Xxxx

  21. I love your “Malfunction” list. I agree with all of them.
    Especially:
    Upper class kids who act like gangsters (pull up your pants and stop talking ghetto) –
    Really, a—h—les …. Just walk down any ghetto street in your all-put-together outfit and see how fast you’ll be walking home naked. Uh Huh ….!!!
    Tweens who act like they’re going on 40 –
    Really, parents can we stop encouraging these little twits by spoiling them and acting dumb so they think they’re smarter than they are. It isn’t cute… it’s annoying. El Stupido Award …!!!
    Bad customer service … Can I get some help?-
    Really, the word service hasn’t been around for a long time. I’ve been looking. Nope – gone.
    No service and when someone does come around to give you some help they have no knowledge of their job requirements. (twisting hair while chewing gum stare)
    Any chick named Kardashian–enuff already!!!!!!! Do You Hear that E!? –
    Really, is there anyone who can take them away??? AND … not for a Calgon bath. Who watches them – Prisoners???? UGH …!!!
    Oh, Gosh … you have stirred a rant in me … thanks so much, I think. ~~~~ : – O

  22. Patti Kuche says:

    That ice-cream will never look the same again! BTW, apparently I am known as a “good listener” but that’s only because either I can’t get a damned word in or I have zoned out from the talk. What to do?

  23. kdaddy23 says:

    That’s a real tiny portion of mashed potatoes…

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      lol Kdaddy … I know what you mean. I can eat a whole pot by myself. In fact I’ve been searching the internet for some low cal recipes …

      • kdaddy23 says:

        Screw the low cal stuff! I need real potatoes, real butter, real cream! Makes my doctor insane but there are somethings I ain’t giving up – and this is one of them.

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          I once made a local version with yogurt, Earth Balance and nutritional yeast instead of salt and it was pretty delicious. I do boil the potatoes in chicken stock for extra flavor. But this Xmas I want to try another version, not as local, but without the cream. I’m thinking of using nufatel (sp) cheese instead of cream. I’ll have to take a picture this holiday …

  24. SilentMyth says:

    “Upper class kids who act like gangsters (pull up your pants and stop talking ghetto)”

    Spot on. Love the post as usual =)

  25. Viciously Sweet says:

    This list is a beautiful work of art. I support your feelings about Kardashy’s and Gangster suburban kids… I feel like telling both groups to go suck it, big time.

  26. Barb says:

    The mashed potatoes look a little pink. Did you put jello in them to amp up the carbs, you clever woman?

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      lmao Barb. It’s a stock photo from Wiki. My mashed potatoes would be more bountiful though, but I’m going to try to make a delish, but less fatty version this holiday. Wish me Luck 🙂

  27. Raine says:

    LMAO.

    People who think they can sing but can’t…please dont.

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